Another one who had to leave. :(
BTW, it's often the case that it seems as though the abuse doesn't exist before children, and only starts to appear when children come along or when you become vulnerable and dependent on them in other ways.
What's actually happening a lot of the time is that their nature hasn't changed, but the relationship has. It's fairly easy to cope with a relationship which lacks support and where the expectation is that life will revolve around the needy one when you are fairly independent and self sufficient, you can take time out for yourself and when you're still in the honeymoon phase of everything revolving around them because you can't concentrate on anything else anyway.
When DC come along, everything changes. Now it does matter if the little things around the house aren't done. You are in need of support and the lack of it is crippling. You can't revolve life around your partner because you have DC to think of and they (DP) get jealous or take it personally. They complain that things have changed because, well, duh, things change when you have a child. But in a double kick in the teeth, they expect the same level of "girlfriend service" as they had before, AND they don't pull their weight with the extra work created by the children.
What was a happy relationship becomes a straining one. You struggle, they blame. You can try explaining this but it doesn't work because they literally don't seem to understand the concept that life can't revolve around them now and shouldn't have revolved around them ever. They feel like none of the extra work is their responsibility, so when they do a little bit, they feel like they have been super-partner and then are really outraged that you aren't grateful (because their little bit is nowhere near their fair share). It's weird and disconcerting especially when things worked well between you before.