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Original poster

Wondering about text from dh

90 replies

Wonderingaboutthis · 22/01/2016 12:16

A Friedan accidentally tex try husband thinking it was me as she had both our numbers inner phone. She doesn't know it was my husband.
She screen shot the texts saying how funny I was texting you but it wasn't.
Dh, after establishing that they didn't knew each other, and she apologised. Text back 'no problem, are you fit?' With a laughing smilie.

Should I say anything? I thought we were all good, except we haven't had sex in a while I suppose, but apart from that just daily life. No arguments, we don't really argue.

Or do I say nothing? Send a jokey text?

Have a friend coming over soon so might disappear for a while, and I have to work tonight so can't really start anything with dh tonight, he is out tomorrow and the kids are obviously here all weekend.

I never thought he would chest but then I never thought he would text a random like that either! :(

OP posts:

HPsauciness · 22/01/2016 13:10

It sounds like a bantery joke to me, I wouldn't personally worry about it, unless there were lots more texts after that. I suppose it could be seen as a bit of a come on, but given she texted him and he was hardly soliciting texts, it seems like he just tried to make a joke out of a situation. But then I don't think an extremely mild joke/flirt is such a terrible thing to do, it passes the time of day and it doesn't 'mean' anything- if he was then following it up asking questions or trying to get to know them better that would be different.

HPsauciness · 22/01/2016 13:13

It's not hilariously funny, but when I read the whole text, I didn't think- there's a man trying it on, I thought there's a man trying to make a silly joke out of a slightly awkward situation.

If he's always inappropriate, or very flirty, or form for cheating, it's different. If my husband made a mild joke about someone finding him attractive/being fit in the context of his daily business, and he was not interested in them further, I would see it as part of banter and nothing more.

Eminado · 22/01/2016 13:14

Really shocked at all the people in relationships saying they would do this.

I definitely would not and I would not be happy if my DH did this. At all. Why are you flirting with a supposed stranger when you are in a relationship? I do not get that at all .

OP -
I think you should forget about the friend bit and what she thinks of you. I am not too sure why you care so much whether she believes you or not about whether you saw the number or not. Completely irrelelavant in my opinion.

And agree with points made about you need to talk to your DH. Are you sure you can't have a 5 min chat? No need for it to end in a row, but you definitely need to let him know you aren't happy with his "joke" and ask if he would be happy if the situation was reversed.

HPsauciness · 22/01/2016 13:15

It's like if I replied 'ooh, are you George Clooney then?' Hardly the stuff of rampant affairs. Just a little moment to lighten the world I guess.

But if you think it's flirting/fishing, then there must be a reason for that, some guys are always looking for opportunities let's say, and if that is what you think he's up to, you should just ask in a frank way.

firesidechat · 22/01/2016 13:21

Eh? Thinking you had received a text wrongly from a stranger makes it ok to reply with "are you fit?"

Who the hell does that? Or am I really out of touch?

Me too Baressentials, out of touch, that is. What's wrong with the standard "sorry, wrong number" response?

DryIce · 22/01/2016 13:23

Aw OP, you sound so stressed about this. I am sorry you're having a hard time.

None of us can really tell you what your husband meant, we don't know you. To me, it really does sound like a jokey off-the-cuff comment - having some banter with the person who sent the wrong text, and possibly even trying to make them feel less embarrassed. If you have history of him engaging with inappropriate behaviour, I guess that could be different but on the surface it doesn't seem like a major deal.

I don't think you have to explain anything to your friend. If you want to talk to her about it - the explanation that she has obviously received a text from you from your husbands number before and saved it under your name makes perfect sense, and doesn't sound weird. You not recognising the number straight away is also not weird - loads of people don't know numbers off by heart anymore in these days of contacts lists.

Baressentials · 22/01/2016 13:24

Exactly fireside I can barely get my head round replying "Is that George Clooney again, please stop bothering me again" but to reply "Are you fit?" Isn't that the kind of thing people did when texts first came out or am I really old and it was soon seen for what it was ie a saddos way to get somebody to chat to them?

Baressentials · 22/01/2016 13:27

DryIce genuine question here. If you received a text from an unknown number would your first reaction be to reply "Are you fit?"

I do understand jokey comments, I really do even if it is coming across I don't but is that how you would respond?

2016Hopeful · 22/01/2016 13:28

There is probably nothing to it. Your husband was probably having a joke and had no intention of doing anything. He probably thought it was a random person he would never meet and thought he was being funny.

However, now it has turned out to be your friend it is all a bit cringy and he appears sleazy. Not sure why she would bother screen shotting the whole thing. I wouldn't even think about it again!!!

It's only a big deal if you don't trust your husband.

firesidechat · 22/01/2016 13:28

I can't say I wouldn't be annoyed if my husband did this, I would, but my overriding emotion would be cringing embarrassment on his behalf.

DryIce · 22/01/2016 13:33

Baressentials I am not OP's husband. I do not find Two and a Half Men funny, but that doesn't stop it being one of the best rated sitcoms in history.

I may not personally respond like that, but my response is irrelevant to the OP and I can still recognise that this could be seen as a light-hearted joke.

Baressentials · 22/01/2016 13:37

No I understand that DryIce - it was just so many posters saying it could have been jokey that I was wondering why. There are many things I don't find funny - but I can see why other people, with a different soh find it amusing. I struggle with this though. There is no joke. At least as far as I can see. Just one man replying to a text to a stranger in a weird way. Maybe it is me

CauliflowerBalti · 22/01/2016 13:41

For the people who don't understand flirting with strangers... I'd never use words like 'Are you fit?' It's very direct. But flippancy and irreverence just trip off my fingers/out of my mouth at times, and when the person at the other end could be on the other side of the world - why not? I once emailed a photo of a huge Lego giraffe me and my son had built to my male friend, who is a Lego freak. I got his email address wrong and ended up sending it to a very humourless man with the same name.

"Why are you sending me photos?"
"Not just photos. PHOTOS OF THE MOST AWESOME LEGO GIRAFFE!"
"I'm not interested in photos of giraffes."
"How about this picture of his elephant friend?"
"This isn't the kind of thing I'm interested in."
"I'm not sending you those sort of photos. Lego is all you're getting."
"Please stop emailing me."

Some people have no sense of humour... (Yeah. I know. I'm one of them.)

Twitterqueen · 22/01/2016 13:53

@Caulifower I am a terrible flirt too - it's all I have these days....

OP, maybe I've missed this somewhere, but what, exactly was the text that your friend sent? Was it an invitation to coffee? let's go shopping? let's meet up soon?

Your DH gets this message from a number he doesn't recognise because it's not saved on his phone, and simply adds a joke "are you fit?"

As another pp says, I think you have other issues. If you can get this stewed up over a piece of nothing - which is what it is, without any other evidence - clearly there is something else going on.

DryIce · 22/01/2016 13:54

Baressentials sorry - my post sounded much snippier than I meant it to!

I guess that is kind of the joke. The weird response and implication that he would chat up a random number. Like...so ridiculous it is funny? Like someone acting faux-swaggering and proud that a work colleague gave them their phone number, as if they were interested in them romantically - when obviously it was for a work related reason.

Ugh. Hard to explain. It is definitely not my own brand of humour, but I can see that it could fall into a ham-fisted blokey type 'banter'.

Unless it went with a history of the OPs husband being overly and uncomfortably flirtatious with other women, or cheating, or being generally sexually weird I would be inclined just to forget it

Baressentials · 22/01/2016 13:58

Cauliflower That sort of exchange I get. The exchange in the op I don't.

MooPointCowsOpinion · 22/01/2016 14:07

I would suggest he was chancing it, hoping for an afternoon of flirty texts with a stranger, probably nothing more than that. But he was very direct in seeking it out, making me think he could have potential for dishonesty.

If you call him on it, I'd definitely go down the route of telling him you know what he said, and how embarrassing it is for you and him, especially as your friend had no interest in flirting with him.

FWIW, I would call him on it, because he needs to know you don't think it's appropriate. So many emotional affairs begin with flirting, and people don't know where the line is. Tell him where the line is.

LieselMeminger · 22/01/2016 14:07

I had a wrong number text a few weeks ago, I replied "sorry, you've got wrong number"

What the sender looked like didn't even enter my head tbh. Same with missed calls. Is the attractiveness of a stranger really the type of thing people think about when receiving wrong number texts so much so that they'd ask the sender what they looked like?

I'd be pissed of if my dh replied like that tbh, he ignores any unknown numbers so is unlikely to reply at all.

Equally, if I received a "are you fit?" From a stranger after I apologised for sending to wrong person, I'd think they were a creep, I think something is wrong with my sense of humour because I genuinely can't see what the joke is, or why someone would think of how attractive a wrong member sender is. I don't mean that to sound uppity.

Sister received one just before Xmas saying "do I really have to follow through with the bet? Isnt you being right enough? Can I at least wear underpants with Santa hat, it's cold and I'll shrivel? Shall I text you the pic or email?"

She immediately replied " who the fuck are you? wrong number? if you must send pic then fgs check the number, at least twice, before pressing send as it's NOT something I want on my phone!! Ps betting with your dignity isn't a good idea, you're welcome.."

She never heard back. :)

LieselMeminger · 22/01/2016 14:16

From the OP, it sounds like it went something like

Friend.. Hello, how are you, fancy meeting for lunch, there's a nice place near my work.
Husband.... Do I know you?
Friend.... oops, sorry, I've got the wrong number. Meant to send to my friend.
Husband... No problem, are you fit?

If so, I still don't see the joke.

goodnightdarthvader1 · 22/01/2016 14:17

"Are you fit?" is an invitation to open flirty banter. It's not a joke, it's not "wacky" or quirky. Agree that if I got that in response to a wrong number text, I'd think the guy was a creep after some nude pics.

Talk to him, OP.

CauliflowerBalti · 22/01/2016 14:21

Liesel - when you put it like that vvvvvvv

Yeah. Not that funny. Still don't think it's necessarily sinister though. If I properly think about it, if my partner sent a text like that, I'd be a little wtf and would definitely raise it, but in a non-confrontational way, as I posted earlier.

TheFormidableMrsC · 22/01/2016 14:36

I read that as a jokey text in an awkward situation. It's the sort of thing I would do I'm afraid...

GruntledOne · 22/01/2016 14:38

It's not hilariously funny, but when I read the whole text, I didn't think- there's a man trying it on, I thought there's a man trying to make a silly joke out of a slightly awkward situation.

Exactly. It's ridiculous to characterise this as an invitation for anything more.

DH has been known to talk about someone attractive with comments like "I could do great things for her." I tend to respond with something like "In your dreams, dear." In the same way I might, for instance, express a degree of lust interest when I see that bloke off Poldark wearing just a towel. Neither of us goes into a panic that the other one actually wants to have sex with the person in question, it's obvious that it's joky. This response sounds as if it's within that category.

Branleuse · 22/01/2016 14:43

i think its just banter. I really wouldnt assume it means anything sinister

MariaTheNun · 22/01/2016 14:44

Is your dh a flirt? He was getting an unintentional invitation to lunch, which he would consider if the sender was fit. Your friend is obviously letting you see it so. Did she tell him you two are friends? If not, I'd be concerned. If she did tell him, it's just thoughtless laddish banter.
Either way it has hurt your feelings so call and ask him.

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