Wondering about text from dh

[Wonderingaboutthis]

A Friedan accidentally tex try husband thinking it was me as she had both our numbers inner phone. She doesn't know it was my husband.
She screen shot the texts saying how funny I was texting you but it wasn't.
Dh, after establishing that they didn't knew each other, and she apologised. Text back 'no problem, are you fit?' With a laughing smilie.

Should I say anything? I thought we were all good, except we haven't had sex in a while I suppose, but apart from that just daily life. No arguments, we don't really argue.

Or do I say nothing? Send a jokey text?

Have a friend coming over soon so might disappear for a while, and I have to work tonight so can't really start anything with dh tonight, he is out tomorrow and the kids are obviously here all weekend.

I never thought he would chest but then I never thought he would text a random like that either! :(

She has two numbers under my name. Mine and dh. I must have given it at some point because of party. I don't think they ever actually text, it was a just in case thing. So there isn't any history.
His reply re not being the person she wanted is covered by the contact details drop downs showing the numbers. I will see what bit of his I can see. But the apology for wrong number then the are you fit is clear to see.

Bare, so phi think he was honestly chancing it? :(

I agree with Twitter about your DH's reply, and totally believe he had no clue who he was texting.

The bit where your friend accidentally texts your DH, because she has his number in her phone, but doesn't know who he is and thinks it's you, doesn't add up at all.

And re time, we cross paths on the entrance, him in from work, me on the way to work. Not even five minutes.

He is out from very early and I don't want a row in front of the kids when he gets back from his activity tomorrow. Then I am at work from very early (before eight) on Sunday. I get what you are saying though but the timing is crap.

Don't worry and calm down a bit. You need to get your head straight a bit before you speak to your DH anyway.

I would talk to DH and wouldn't talk to your friend about it. I would however block her number from your DH's phone. I suspect your friend does actually remember that the number is your DH's and that she is showing you deliberately but discreetly so that you can deal with it yourself. That's a good friend you have there.

It reads to me that your husband was simply having a joke. I can't see why you need to say anything at all to your friend, she was simply passing this on to you as something funny that happened.

She asked me if I had changed my number. I think she was honestly confused. But now I look like either a liar or totally stupid to her.
I don't think he knew who he was texting as he wouldn't have her number.

How did he know his accidental text was from a woman? 'are you fit' is a bit much to ask a stranger who for all you know is a truck driver called Darren.

Shitty of your H. I would be upset too.

I think it's a red herring whether the friend realises it's her DH or not. Doesn't matter really, it's the husband's behaviour that's crap, not the friend's.

Perhaps your friend did realise and was trying to alert you but with a "jokey" mention, as she was embarrassed about it, as a PP has suggested.

Some people are more flirty than others, but as your H didn't know who this was AT ALL, then he can't use that excuse of banter with someone he knows.

You're not pathetic, but your H needs a damn good wake up call.

Personally I would forward the text with an angry "WTF?" type message, but that's me. I'd deal with this in the moment, even if you then decide you need to sit down to discuss it properly together at another time so you can get across how hurt you are. Don't stew on it until Monday.

Why would you think your husband was chancing it? Presumably this just came up as an anonymous number on his phone, he would have no means of knowing where the other person was, for all he knows she's hundreds of miles away.

Ok so how do I talk to dh? What do I say? A jokey text? A what the hell?

I think you're wondering because you have other cause to wonder. If you were totally secure in your relationship, you'd laugh it off. The comment your husband made is the kind of thing I'd write to a wrong number to be honest, and I'm in a relationship with no intention or desire to stray. Maybe not those exact words, but I can be a terrible flirt. I'd never ever ever act on anything though, and my partner knows this.

You seem to be worried it means something. What else is going on in your relationship that's making you doubt him?

He would know it was a woman because she was texting me to meet up for lunch as she was in our town. He works an hour away though.

I wouldn't waste one more second of your breath on what to say to your friend - least of your problems. Just say nothing.

You know your husband. But I'm really struggling to find a way that this is ok. It's not the end of the world stuff but it does say a lot about him because most guys over the age of 16 who are in committed relationships just wouldn't reply like that.

Is he a flirt? A gag-a-minute joker? Does he have odd boundaries?

Yes, that's what happened.

I am just insecure. Always have been. But there hasn't been its many for a while, so maybe that makes it worse. :(

As for asking him - wait until he's home so you can see his face and judge the non-verbal cues and his tone of voice, then show him the text from your friend. "Did you realise you were asking xxxxx if she was fit?"

You don't have to accuse him of anything. See where the conversation goes from there. If he has any emotional intelligence about him, he'll understand that you might be feeling a bit ggggrrrr about it and try and explain. You'll know where to take the conversation once it's started. Pick up on his cues.

I would casually mention to him next time you see him that you hear he is looking for someone fit. Then equally casually mention that if he ever so much as thought of cheating on you it would be a deal breaker. If he says it was a joke then say 'good, I bloody well hope so.'

*intamacy

Eh? Thinking you had received a text wrongly from a stranger makes it ok to reply with "are you fit?"

Who the hell does that? Or am I really out of touch?

He would know it was a woman because she was texting me to meet up for lunch

Errr... Again, how would he know it was a woman? Unless she said "Let's have a lady-lunch and talk about lady-things with our lady-brains"?

Personally I think it just sounds like
He got a wrong-number text
He made a jokey reply
... That's it.

Not sure why you are so upset, if he thought he was texting a random stranger he was never going to meet?!

It was probably just a jokey text but I wouldn't like it - it's disrepectful to you, and IMO worse because he doesn't know her at all.

There are boundaries that should never be crossed in a relationship and I think this does - not in a deal breaking way, but enough for your DH to need to be told that this has hurt you.

Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel op, insecure or not, your feelings are just as valid as anybody else's

I don't get the joke! What is funny about replying to a strange text "are you fit?" Those posters who say it is a jokey thing - can you explain why/how? What is funny about it? Can understand replying "oops you have the wrong the number ha ha" but that is about it.