No sex for years (my choice, because sex hurt after menopause and I haven't fancied him since he lost his figure in middle age, in fact I don't find him particularly pleasant to look at these days, and he was never good looking. (I am ordinary looking for my age so am not saying I have any sex appeal either.) He says he has less sex drive now anyway because of prostate trouble. I am 57, he is 63.
He is a very sweet, kind, gentle and tolerant man, easy to live with. He has lots of common sense, makes friends easily and is popular. I am an introvert.
I don't really respect him for some things, mostly because he has lived off me for years. (obviously I have chosen him and chosen to allow this, and I have big self esteem issues about this and loads of other issues.
We enjoy each other's company and doing hobbies together. I am fond of him. So my life is better with him in it rather than being alone. (Can't imagine having any other relationship because I can't imagine ever wanting sex with another man.)
However, I look at him and think - how did I end up with a man like you?
I wonder - What if he became permanently incapacitated, would I willingly care full time for him? I think 'no' in theory, you've lived off me for years, I've given you enough, I don't want to give up my last active years to you. And the reverse, I just don't know if he would look after me, he wouldn't be much good at it practically.
Am I selfish and ungrateful? Does anyone else ever think like this?