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Original poster

Festive family fury.? Don't bottle it up. Let it all out here.

124 replies

Mincepiedermama · 20/12/2006 14:24

Families and Christmas eh?

What have they done?
How has it left you feeling?
How do you plan to move on from here?

So far I've had the usual torrent of advice from my MIL mixed with observations about our handling of ds's diabetes. (She knows nothing about diabetes. GRRRRRRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRR!!)

Got that feels a little better but there's more to come.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mincepiedermama · 21/12/2006 22:48

My MIL has gone. From my point of view it was a successful visit (ie I was working a lot and barely saw her) but she's managed to upset dh, as usual.

She's also been phoning her other two sons to pit them against dh and each other to create a thouroughly bad, feudal feeling. She employs a divide and rule strategy to control her three sons and to ensure they are always round her house, mending guttering, unblocking drains, building fences, painting etc. She provides crap tools to do it with and never feels the need to be grateful. Naturally I can't spare my husband for this sort of work so my two BILs (one single, one divorced) have to do it all these days.

Giddy I know what you mean about the reluctance of grandparents to show love for or any appreciation of their grandchildren. I find this really hurtful. I think the current generation of 60 somethings excel in selfishness.

OP posts:
Original poster
Mincepiedermama · 21/12/2006 22:50

I don't like 'stagnant' people at chistmas either spinasnowflake. I end up seething because I'm doing everything while they sit on their arses stagnating and getting in my way.

OP posts:
Ceolas · 21/12/2006 22:50

Sorry to hijack...

SM, can I point you towards my IM thread, please? here

Tis Gillian 76 with a name change, btw

Hijack over. Sorry

IamBlossom · 22/12/2006 07:53

I am dreading Christmas day. It's the turn of my mum and dad to host myself, DH, and our two DSs. My dad has become increasingly bad tempered over the last 5 years or so (since retirement) and he was never an easy going kind of chap to start with....my Mum is losing her memory, little dribs and drabs here and there, nothing life threatening but it is stressing her out, and he makes it TEN TIMES WORSE!! Always commenting, undermining, making her feel stupid, and it is terrible to witness. MyDh has basically drawn a line in the sand and if my dad is rude to my mum or anyone else, it will be the last Christmas we spend round there...no pressure then...

ZacharyZoo · 22/12/2006 09:47

Had my parents last weekend, so thats over with, thats always hard work, but it saves me trekking up the M1 on boxing day as i have for the last 15 years, so we can enjoy Xmas and New Year at home. Only hitch is that DH is an only one and his MIL is single with no other family here, so we will have her all day and prob all night. Last year i was pregnant, had one glass of champagne, and she proceeded to knock back 3 bottles of wine, was so pissed she passed out on the sofa, knocking red wine all over my family's presents still under the tree! I know that it will be the same this year, and i really resent it, she spent three years not talking to DH cos he married me, and that meant we had Xmas day to ourselves, now she has decided that she wants to be involved with our life we get her for all of xmas, am i being unreasonable??

choosyfloosy · 22/12/2006 12:49

ROFL at stagnant girlfriend

Original poster
Mincepiedermama · 22/12/2006 12:57

I moved from London to Brighton four years ago on December 12th, eight months pregnant with my 3rd child, and then went on to host Christmas for my sister her dh and their son, my brother and my mum.

All I can remember is falling downstairs pregnant whilst carrying things, then having to defend myself against claims that I wasn't talking to people enough and was being a bad host. I was out buying 2nd hand chairs so everyone could sit down to Christmas dinner FFS!

That year was a serious festive low. Families can be fucking awful at Christmas can't they?

OP posts:
theUrbanDryadWithSparklyWings · 22/12/2006 13:21

i'm thinking longingly back to last christmas, which me and a close friend spent eating roast chicken (as i don't like turkey) and getting quite quite merry! then some more friends came round in the evening and we had a cold buffet. i saw my family (which included my brother's PIL's [don't ask]) for about two hours in the evening. it was divine.

this year, we're being taken out for lunch in what will probably be a smoky, crowded, noisy pub on saturday by my PIL's, then going to xmas dinner with my parents on monday. deep joy. am 8.5 months pregnant so no booze, but do have a ready-made excuse for being grumpy and moody. bah!

calmontheoutside · 22/12/2006 13:58

Looking forward to Mil coming for 10 days of quiet criticism of my taste, of my cooking, of my bringing up our daughter. I love her immensely and she loves me back, but each time she stays I think it has to be the last time. Are all women off their heads by 50? - my husband's theory. I get very annoyed with some of my husband's theories, but all the evidence in both our families suggests this is so. I have less than 15 years of sanity to go...

themoon66 · 22/12/2006 14:08

My MiL is ace. She can't cook at all and is soooo grateful for anything I do for her. Love her.

Now my own mum is a different matter... crazy opinions and theories on everything. and she doesn't drink so I can't dope her up on alcohol to stop her being so embarassing.

Anniegetyourgun · 22/12/2006 14:23

It's been approximately 8 months now since I decided DH and I were finished (after 23 years' marriage), but we are still sharing a house until further notice. He wants to hold a conference with our four sons when they're all together on Christmas Day, to see how they feel about my plans to leave them all to live with another man (which I'm not) and whether they want the family home to be sold and the proceeds divided, thus destroying their inheritance which is after all the only reason for owning a house etc. Way to cast a damper over the season, eh?

calmontheoutside · 22/12/2006 14:26

I'm pretty laid back with a heck of a lot of things, I like cooking for large groups, I don't get into flaps with medical emergencies, but this, this just makes me seethe inwardly . MiL is excessively uptight about EVERYTHING, especially about our daughter (two). Just little comments, 'Oh I'm surprised at you liking that' (furniture, hat, picture, decoration, boot, cushion cover, book, perfume, film, haircut)... 'And did you ask him to do it like that?' (haircut, salami cut, cut of flowers)... 'Whenever I do/did it I do it this way' (potato scones, potty training, Christmas dinner, bringing up children, bringing up children, bringing up children...)... I must have an aspirin and something alcoholic.

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 22/12/2006 14:32

DH is still faffing around with his own little errands, occupying our only car, and leaving me with the girls. Highlights of today have been going into work for hours to sort stuff out (when he is officially on holiday), and going back to bed at least 3 times with a headache.

SO I am now firmly installed in front of the computer, and refusing to do everything when it is HIS mum coming tonight.

I have cleaned the house, but his MIL & DP don't have any presents to open on the day yet. He can answer for it IMO. If we ever get divorced (looking more likely by the hour), it means MIL can say "ALways knew you could do better blah blah"

Rant, rant - Thanks for reading.

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 22/12/2006 14:32

DH is still faffing around with his own little errands, occupying our only car, and leaving me with the girls. Highlights of today have been going into work for hours to sort stuff out (when he is officially on holiday), and going back to bed at least 3 times with a headache.

SO I am now firmly installed in front of the computer, and refusing to do everything when it is HIS mum coming tonight.

I have cleaned the house, but his MIL & DP don't have any presents to open on the day yet. He can answer for it IMO. If we ever get divorced (looking more likely by the hour), it means MIL can say "ALways knew you could do better blah blah"

Rant, rant - Thanks for reading.

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 22/12/2006 14:32

DH is still faffing around with his own little errands, occupying our only car, and leaving me with the girls. Highlights of today have been going into work for hours to sort stuff out (when he is officially on holiday), and going back to bed at least 3 times with a headache.

SO I am now firmly installed in front of the computer, and refusing to do everything when it is HIS mum coming tonight.

I have cleaned the house, but his MIL & DP don't have any presents to open on the day yet. He can answer for it IMO. If we ever get divorced (looking more likely by the hour), it means MIL can say "ALways knew you could do better blah blah"

Rant, rant - Thanks for reading.

WhenSantaWentQuietlyMad · 22/12/2006 14:33

Sincere apologies. MN going v slow - thought i had cancelled them.

Jockey · 22/12/2006 14:48

Well I have 4 young children but my mother isn't coming for dinner this time. Unfortunately, she wishes to be treated like a guest, which I just don't have time for (and she wears floaty things too!). Last year she told me, several days after the event, "oh, I didn't get a sausage on my plate - everyone else did". You can imagine where I felt like telling her to shove it! So this year it is a piece of cake and a cup of tea at tea time! Just can't be doing with it.

EniDeepMidwinter · 22/12/2006 15:15

god I love this thread

cannot post for fear of incrimination

Original poster
Mincepiedermama · 22/12/2006 15:26

I think you're winning Anniegetyourgun. Hang in there this Christmas.

Jockey you could be me apart from the floaty garments sported by your mother. MIne favours navy track-wear, but is just as idle and insistent on being treated like a guest. I also have four small kids.

I'm finding this thread very therapeutic. There seem to be so many common irritating traits in our mothers. Were their mothers like that? Will we be like that? Let's make a pact NOT to be.

OP posts:
TerrbileTwos · 22/12/2006 15:52

Christmas is usually ok its new year's day that is the problem. Last year invited as an afterthought to my sister's house along with my parents who DS & I were living with at the time. Invitation went as follows - my sister called me to say there was no room at the table for my DS (then 18 mths) and could i bring his highchair for him to sit in the kitchen. Explained that highchair was liable to collapse in ungaurded moments and as such was not really an option but DS could sit on my lap or in his pram and be fed from there. She then said "listen its bad enough having to find space for you without him adding to the equation and what is he going to eat anyway". I went along anyway just to annoy her and spent the entire day up till 7pm when we left hearing her tell everyone in the room that my DS 'did not like her' and that 'he just cries when i go near him' until my mother told her that if she spent more time and a little bit of effort with him he wouldn't be so strange with her.

Mirage · 22/12/2006 20:48

I'm getting away very lightly by the sound of things.We had our share of crap Christmases in the past,courtesy of my evil gran,who would spend the months leading up to December,debating about whether she was coming to ours or not & then using our disabled uncle as emotional blackmail if we didn't 'plead' with her to come.

Now I just have mil coming on the 29th.May only gripe is that she expects dh to drive up & get her & then take her home again,a 5 hour trip each time.She can't possibly drive,get a coach or a train!

skerriesmum · 22/12/2006 21:41

We're getting off lightly too, the only thing that bothers me is faraway family (Ireland, we're in Canada) who can't be bothered to organize presents. Everyone knows when Christmas is, why is it so hard to order things on time?! YESTERDAY brother- and sister-in-law ask, oh, what would ds (3) like, we'll send you some money and you get it!

MyTwoChocolateCoinsWorth · 22/12/2006 21:50

tis the season to grate laxative chocolate over the desserts of annoying relatives.

tis much undervalued, the laxative chocolate bar......

PartridgeinaRustyBearTree · 22/12/2006 22:02

"Are all women off their heads by 50? - my husband's theory"

Ummm, no calmontheoutside a few of us still have enough sanity to find Mumsnet....

Rustybear (aged 50.5)

themoon66 · 22/12/2006 22:32

happystory on Wed 20-Dec-06 14:46:33
All settling down in the happystory household to watch something we all like, (Catherine Tate, The Office, Extras) Mother rustles her Daily Mail a lot and says 'Do you find this funny?'

This could have been written about my mother.