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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Has anyone met the right person at the wrong time and it worked out later?

87 replies

maybeeknot · 13/01/2016 21:28

I am just about to end things with someone I am in love with because he's just not in the right place to be a good boyfriend.

Long story, but I basically met him at the absolutely worst possible moment and I do think he feels the same but is in total denial over it.

I don't think either of us ever expected to fall in love or feel as strong as we do and we keep calling it something else to avoid the elephant in the room but we just met at the wrong time and I feel like the relationship we have now is hurting me (and him probably) and the best thing to do is to leave.

Has anyone else ever been in that situation, and has it ever worked out some times in the future?

OP posts:
Offred · 14/01/2016 16:08

What do you really have with him? Amazing sex with an emotional retard who has low self esteem and messes women around...

tb · 14/01/2016 16:26

I met someone at work 4 months after I broke off my engagement and had sworn off men for life. I was 19.

We came from opposite sides of a major river separating 2 counties - and to make it worse, the opposing tribes had just had local government reorganisation forced upon them. So, no,the timing wasn't ideal.

He thought I was totally stupid studying the subject I was studying, and that anyone sensible would have studied his subject. He and a colleague insulted me terribly for 3 weeks all day every day for 3 weeks, until I fought back.

His tribe didn't trust people that lived in places where there was grass, trees and real cows. My tribe crossed the river to work, shop and go to John Lewis. If necessary some of them retired on the other side of the river, but further north in the rural part.

We both thought our families were normal........

His mother had agoraphobia, claustrophobia, was scared of drowning in the bath if she was in the house alone at the time....
My mother had either borderline or narcissistic personality disorder or both, or something so horrible it isn't in the classification yet. (Think one of the killers in the Messiah series on a good day was an estimation of her as a human being).

Next year, if we survive, having had the roughest 5 years imaginable, it will be

our 40th wedding anniversary Blush

Go for it - it will either work or it won't. You only find out when you try.

maybeeknot · 14/01/2016 16:28

I just can't remember the last time I properly liked someone. It's been years. Been in relationships, yes, but always looking at them thinking "hmm" and not quite feeling it. So it's nice to just be with someone I really like for a change and feel excited, wonder what to wear and all those things.

OP posts:
Duckdeamon · 14/01/2016 16:30

He isn't Mr Right at the wrong time, he's someoneone who's just not that into you, and not treating you well. You're coming up with all kinds of stories to try to believe otherwise.

maybeeknot · 14/01/2016 16:30

congratulations tb :)

OP posts:
coffeeisnectar · 14/01/2016 16:34

I met dp when I was 16. He was 27 and was best man at the wedding I was attending. For me it was a total "I'm going to marry him" moment.

But the age gap was too much and I was too young. We saw each a couple of times and then he broke things off. We got back together two years later and were together for two years but he had undiagnosed ptsd from the falklands and he just wasn't in the right place to commit. I walked away.

27 years later I looked him up on Facebook to say hi. We were both single but living 450 miles apart. He flew me to see him and we had a moment in the airport to rival Love Actually and that was it. Three months later he proposed and me and my kids moved. We've been together 3.5 years and are getting married this year.

maybeeknot · 14/01/2016 16:42

I think reading that, it just sort of sunk home to me that I am just in a situation of having to walk away from someone I really want to be with but no I can't, and all I want to give me a bolster and let me happily get on with life and not mope is feeling really that if it's meant to be one day he will find his way back to me.

I know that might seem as silly but it just makes me feel a bit less of a sense of loss over something.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 14/01/2016 16:48

"find his way back to you"
"this isn't the last chapter"

It does sound like you're romanticising this.

maybeeknot · 14/01/2016 16:55

Yes of course I am, I had feelings for him romantically so yes of course.

OP posts:
Cabrinha · 14/01/2016 19:48

I mean romanticising the fact it isn't working.

Offred · 14/01/2016 20:27

But in everyone else's stories the other person wanted to be with them, your BF doesn't.

In everyone else's stories they actually split up and moved on and then met again. You are planning to half break up by 'giving him time' and 'hoping'.

The only thing stopping him from being with you now is that he doesn't want to be. You will make a fool of yourself and mess up your self esteem if you carry on attaching your feelings for him into his feelings for you.

Lookatyourwatchnow · 14/01/2016 20:32

Oh OP. Why are you investing so much of your energy in this man and into trying to romanticise his relationship with you? How disrespectful of him to use you as his sounding board to whine about how much he loves his ex! You need to ask yourself why you are ok with that.

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