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Original poster

women and porn ......

22 replies

wittywoo · 19/12/2006 16:00

alot of messages here are anti-porn.

im a young, happily married woman, with 3 kids who enjoys porn,

i will go on my laptop when the kids are in bed, DH is busy ect and have a look, - sometimes he knows i am, sometimes not

i own porn dvds,

it seems alot of women on here get upset when their DHs do this, my dh doesnt mind me doing this.

am i alone in my like of porn? i dont think its weird i enjoy it at all,

i find it odd some dont.

its not a substitute for a crap sexlife either, we have a great varied sex life, and i dont think it effects our relationship

do the same issues around men using porn (the concerns some of you express when discovering your men on sites) apply to women doing the same?

just interested in your opinions

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 16:04

Welcome to MN.

I'm not into porn myself. But I have a very active imagination and a coloured past.

Original poster
wittywoo · 19/12/2006 16:07

its not an obsession, by the way, just something i occaionally do
nice to meet you

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 16:08

Whatever floats your boat!

Live and let live.

It's just not my thing.

EllieHsMum · 19/12/2006 16:10

Hi Witty

If you & your dh are honest & comfortable I dont see what the problem is.
For what its worth I think most men look at porn, I don't have a problem with it. I would only be concerned if it was child porn.

EllieHsMum · 19/12/2006 16:11

I agree with expat not my thing/each to there own.

Original poster
wittywoo · 19/12/2006 16:12

gosh, wouldnt anyone?

i thought porn wasnt taboo anymore, but since being on here i think women still feel very threatened by it

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 19/12/2006 16:13

I don't feel threatened by it.

I do find it a bit unimaginative and sad, though, tbh.

multitasker · 19/12/2006 16:14

Each to their own, I think most men have double standards when it comes to porn though - you are lucky it suits both of you.

LittleMonkeysMum · 19/12/2006 16:15

I quite like porn too.

EllieHsMum · 19/12/2006 16:15

as I said each to there own. I think its harmless. But I know a lot of women feel threatened & they may have good reason. Each person is different, as is each relationship.
Good luck to you

Original poster
wittywoo · 19/12/2006 16:17

sad? how so?

i suppose it depends on what you watch,

men with german handle bar moustaches knocking on doors to 'check large breasted blonde womens plumbing' could be described as sad i suppose

OP posts:
EllieHsMum · 19/12/2006 16:18

I think its harmless within reason depending on whats been viewed & why.

RantInEMinor · 19/12/2006 16:25

i don't think using porn and having/employing an active imagination are mutually exclusive. i make use of both methods.

MerryMegandSnowySoph · 19/12/2006 16:26

When my ex hub used to go to the falklands on tour I used to nip into pulse and coctails to buy the wee glossy porn books for him. Have no problem with porn and occasionally I enjoy abit of it too. Like you wittywoo I don't see a problem with it one bit as long as it isn't affecting a couples sex life in a negative way.

CliffRichardSucksEggsinHell · 19/12/2006 16:32

Hmmm, I dunno. I don't like porn films as such because of the shite story lines and because they seem to be more for men's pleasure.

You can get sexy films that are not porn. They do more for me than any porn film.

I suppose most porn is done with men in mind. I don't like it because it just doesn't sit right with me. I would hate it if my dd went on to become a porn star, so for that reason I don't want to encourage the industry by watching any of it. I also think that porn has become more and more risque and now men aren't satisfied with just plain old porn anymore, they want something different and thanks to the internet they can now get that. I don't think it does anyone any good.

You can get more out of a good honest sexy film than you can out of porn!

But that's just my opinion. I'm probably a prude.

LittleMonkeysMum · 19/12/2006 16:37

But sometimes it's fun to see a bit more than a bulge in a trouser!!

lazyemma · 19/12/2006 16:37

In my experience, women in relationships tend to feel threatened by porn when it's watched by their partners without their knowledge or involvement. That's where the feelings of inadequacy and paranoia come in. I don't know a single woman who is 100% happy with the way she looks clothed, never mind naked, and the preponderance of articles in women's magazines about how to improve your performance in the sack suggest that lots of women worry that they're not satisfying their partners sexually.

Plus there's a difference in the way men and women's sexuality is perceived - men are thought to be more sexually voracious, less in control of their appetites. There's something cosy and unthreatening about the perception of women's sexuality, on the other hand, so women watching is seen as kind of an empowering, sistas-doing-it-for-themselves sort of thing, whereas men watching porn still has a slight whiff of the grubby mackintosh about it.

Original poster
wittywoo · 19/12/2006 16:37

it depends on what you watch thoug i think, the porn i often watch is women based and much wore, buble, personal

OP posts:
eefs · 19/12/2006 16:43

I wouldn't be into porn as such as it is generally boring (I do like a decent plot and good acting). I don't have a problem with any boyfriend watching it but would have a problem if he tried to hide it. That's not to say I want to sit down beside him everytime he's watching it but I would not appreciate a secret like that.

Now a good erotic book, that would be more my style. (and not something with loveshafts and manlymembers and other such cringy terms)

NOELallie · 19/12/2006 16:43

I don't find visual porn that much of a turn-one - magazines or video. In fact most of it just seems absurd and comic almost. Erotic writing is a different matter though. Does that count as porn?

liquidclocks · 19/12/2006 17:39

Witty - I think if you actually read most of the threads on porn the recurring theme is that the women have been lied to and deceived by their partners and that's what causes the upset - or where the porn has become and addiction for the woman's DH/DP. I know there is the odd thread about the effect of the porn industry on women with regards to disempowerment/over sexulisation/sex trafficking etc but again the emphasis there is not on the personal implication bu tmore the social ones.

If you're morally OK with all that, and your DH is too then fine, whatever floats your boat.

Not for me though - it's like eating tuna and then lamenting about the plight of dolphins...

forestfern · 09/01/2007 02:11

I think maybe most women need to feel that a man is mentally also what they want. Somehow the physical attributes alone never quite work. I suppose with literature you can project this onto them. It seems to be accepted that generally looks alone can do it for the male. Perhaps they over-simplify it and forget that a women doing a film would definately get off with their best friend and be a bimbo! Women are more thorough. We let very little through! I think we do still respect them more than they respect us though. So - simply seeing them pose in this way is embarassing and comical. Sadly not the same the other way round. Their sexuality has to be almost incidental to their being and vainly, provked by us. Women like you must think differnetly? You must be able to just look at the body. Or are you looking at the women? I am surpised that within a loving relationship the male is not threatened by his female being interested in other males - since this is more of a threat. The outcome could be fatal!

It seems just so natural to be a bit upset by all this within relationships. Surely loyalty and fidelity are there somewhere. One of the first words a young child says about their toys is "mine". Then - "look -there's my mummy". Imagine if they pointed to another women and said "and she could by my mummy too" ... in fact "bye, mummy - you are History".

I think the escalation thing has something very serious to say about it all - although I am not yet sure what. I think some men need to answer this one - since they are way ahead on this issue. If it just stimulates - why not just stay with it??

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