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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

MNHQ have commented on this thread

Relationships

Urgent help

62 replies

Sonia2213 · 10/01/2016 23:23

My h grabbed my son by throat tonight left red marks I shouted at him cause he wouldn't go to bed he blamed me I was scared to say anything I'm at docs tomorrow with son fit different reason should I say

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LucylucyD43 · 11/01/2016 08:00

You need to protect your child for gods sake. Call the police if he leaves you that sounds perfect better than years of abuse for your son.

RidersOnTheStorm · 11/01/2016 08:02

Protect your child. If you don't tell the police his father probably will as soon as he hears what happened.

Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 08:51

The GP surgery rang and said GP ill so appointment cancelled I've took DS to school. He's no marks but what do I do, me and H both off work today he's acting like nothing is wrong. I haven't slept

OP posts:

Lweji · 11/01/2016 08:55

Very bluntly, it's your responsibility to protect your child.
You should go to the police and report your husband.
You can get urgent court orders to keep him out of the house and away from you. Ask the police for a referral if necessary.
Also tell the school and ask for support.
Whatever you drank, you didn't cause this.

LucylucyD43 · 11/01/2016 09:01

I'm sorry but you can't just let this go. You won't be frowned upon for having a drink you will be frowned upon for doing nothing about it. You needs to act now if anyone touched my DD they'd be kicked straight out never to return. You can't ignore this you have a duty to protect him.

LucylucyD43 · 11/01/2016 09:02

It is child abuse don't condone it by dithering around.

JennyOnAPlate · 11/01/2016 09:11

You need to contact the police. If your ds tells his dad or someone at school it will look very bad for you if you've failed to report it.

AnotherStitchInTime · 11/01/2016 09:15

I think you should say you are popping out to the shops with dd and go and report it to the Police. If you do not feel able to do without support then go to the school, ask to speak to Head or Safeguarding lead and talk to them. They can help keep you all safe until he can be removed from the house. As I said before if ds mentions it in school then they will have to act and if you haven't taken steps to report then Social Services will be looking at you as a parent and not just DH.

Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 09:15

I am absolutely terrified of this man I really can't start with him he may hit me he has before

OP posts:

LucylucyD43 · 11/01/2016 09:16

You need to go to police he has assulted your son you need to protect him!

43percentburnt · 11/01/2016 09:17

Sonia, the police will believe you. 2 glasses of wine won't be an issue to them. If your son mentions this to his teacher they will report it to the police and social services. If your son mentions it to his father there is a very good chance he will report to the police. If you don't log it and subsequently split up, he could get contact with both children unsupervised (even though he is not ds dad, he can apply for contact).

I really don't want to worry you, but I can honestly say if i was his father and realised you hadn't reported it I would report to the police, school and social services and not return him to you - you could take me to court for contact centre contact.

Does your dh have a history of domestic abuse? Your husband is minimising what happened, he is also doing the usual trick of blaming you. Get yourself to the local police station and report ASAP.

AnotherStitchInTime · 11/01/2016 09:18

You do not have to start with him. I have a friend who was in the same situation recently. Her DP is still being held at HMP after her reporting him to the Police. He has been refused bail and will be in court soon. You can be placed in housing out of area. With a court order he will not be allowed anywhere near you.

Lweji · 11/01/2016 09:19

This is why you must go to the police. And gather as much outside help as possible.
Do you want your son to be the next punchbag?

43percentburnt · 11/01/2016 09:19

Cross post. Can you get to the local police station? Do you have relatives close by?

Can you pretend to go to the supermarket or shops and call the police?

Whose house is it? Is it in joint names?

hellsbellsmelons · 11/01/2016 09:19

Then call police on 101 and talk to their DV team.
Tell them everything.
About him hitting you and about him grabbing your DS by the throat.
Tell them you want him out but you are too scared. They will help you.
Then call Womens Aid and tell them all about it.
They can also help you with an exit plan and get you in contact the right people to keep this violent abusive cunt away from you and your DC.
You CANNOT stay with this man.
He will keep hurting you and he will hurt your son more.
if you do not take action to get him gone then this is escalate and you are showing him that what he has done is acceptable.
You could also contact social services. They will want to help you and they can help you with this. But you need to get away from his and fast.
Usually I say take your time but you do not have time.
101 then Womens Aid and get this sorted out now!

DoreenLethal · 11/01/2016 09:19

Tell him that you are going to go and make another appt at the GPs, leave the house and go straight to the police station and report it. Tell them you are terrified of him attacking you again.

Strangeoccurence · 11/01/2016 09:24

I would say you have to pop out. Say take something to school you forgot or something. Either way, head to the school and tell them everything. What your H has done. That you are frightened, that he has hit you before. That you wanted to report but were too scared as he was clearly very angry last night and instantly blamed you.

You cannot ignore this. I know its hard, and i know it is scary. I have been there. It is just taking that first step, once you do that - you will realise that you really arent alone.

Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 09:30

The local police station is quite far, would anyone suggest ringing health visitor? I must admit I'm not really involved in the school I hardly know the teachers, and I'm worried they would question H dropping him off this morning. I'll just pretend I'm nipping to shop as suggested!

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DoreenLethal · 11/01/2016 09:32

Nip to the shop then and call the police whilst you are out. Is there a coffee shop or somewhere that you can sit in to wait for them?

NerrSnerr · 11/01/2016 09:33

Pop out with your one year old and call the police from anywhere. He is a child abuser. He harmed your child. He could do it again. It could be worse next time.

You need to protect both your children from this man.

Strangeoccurence · 11/01/2016 09:33

The health visitor is enough. Whoever you feel comfortable telling like that. Doctors, HV, school, police etc. Ring the HV asap

Sonia2213 · 11/01/2016 09:33

Also DC hasn't mentioned it this morning, I'm worried if I say anything he will say that I shouted at him and it may look like I'm wrong too I picked him up and told him to go to bed and put him in his bed i know DC is a bit of an over exaggerator i would never hurt him I'm shocked H has but I think he's got anger problems

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YouBastardSockBalls · 11/01/2016 09:36

The police won't blame you now - but if you ignore this and continue to expose your sons to this violent man then you may well be accountable.

Sorry this has happened but your son has been assaulted and you need the police.

DoreenLethal · 11/01/2016 09:36

Stop worrying about what anyone could say - you could be the worst harridian in the world and that does not mean he can hold your son by his neck.

Strangeoccurence · 11/01/2016 09:36

Anger problems or not it is abuse.

You have done nothing wrong. Even if you did overreact putting him in bed, you were dealing with an abusive man who had you frightened.

Do not worry about that. Worry about this man and his behaviour around you and your children. Act on that, not the what ifs

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