Urgent help

[Sonia2213]

My h grabbed my son by throat tonight left red marks I shouted at him cause he wouldn't go to bed he blamed me I was scared to say anything I'm at docs tomorrow with son fit different reason should I say

[AnotherStitchInTime]

Still thinking of you Sonia and still here if you need support.

[YetAnotherHelenMumsnet]

Evening all,
Sorry to hear you are having a tough time Sonia, we are posting a link to our domestic violence page, which has some numbers that you should perhaps consider calling. www.mumsnet.com/webguide/domestic-violence
All the best to you, take care.

[ForeverFaithless]

Sonia, your little boy must feel so hurt and confused right now, even if there are no outward physical signs.

I hope you are taking steps to protect him and your baby.

Honestly I feel so sad for him.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

I wanted to link this thread that was posting at the same time as your's last night to show you that Police do take DV seriously and even more so when the attack is on a child.

You can report this and keep your children and yourself safe from him.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

Are you OK sonia? Have you phoned the HV?

[Lweji]

FGS, stop thinking how it might reflect on you and start thinking how frightened your child must have been last night.
How he'll start thinking he deserves it.
And how he will blame you in future. Because he will blame you for failing to protect him.

I may be accused of being unduly harsh, but your son needs someone who is on his side.

You can do this and you can get rid of him.
But you have to act.

[Jibberjabberjooo]

Of course you can ring the hv, it's part of their job. Please tell someone.

[AnotherStitchInTime]

If you feel comfortable going to the shop and phoning the HV then do that. Does HV have a clinic/office near by that you could go to?

[Strangeoccurence]

How are you, OP? Have you thought any more about which course of action you are going to take?

[SantasLittleMonkeyButler]

I'm sorry this is happening to you OP, it must be very scary for you.

Can you try to look at the situation from an outside point of view (easier said that done, I know)? If a friend of yours was living with a man who had physically abused her in the past, had a violent temper and had now started to physically abuse her 7 year old child - what would you say to her?

Would you tell her to leave, throw him out, go to the Police? Because I think most people would say that.

You must protect your children. You really can't view this as a one-off incident can you?

[LucylucyD43]

It's more worrying that your DS hadn't mentioned it. You are normalising it!

[ForeverFaithless]

Sonia if you are terrified of your H then you need all the help you can get to get rid of him out of your life. Do not minimise this just because your son can get up and go to school today, it's obvious that your H is a real danger to him.

You drinking some wine or shouting at your son has no relation to your H choosing to use the worst level of violence possible against your son.

It is obvious your H is going to lie and try to implicate you. It doesn't matter, if you speak only the truth then you will be believed and helped to get rid of this nasty man.

When it happened to my son I went to the family court the next day and applied for a barring order, I was granted a protection order.

The police and Women's Aid will help you to protect your children.

[Strangeoccurence]

Anger problems or not it is abuse.

You have done nothing wrong. Even if you did overreact putting him in bed, you were dealing with an abusive man who had you frightened.

Do not worry about that. Worry about this man and his behaviour around you and your children. Act on that, not the what ifs

[DoreenLethal]

Stop worrying about what anyone could say - you could be the worst harridian in the world and that does not mean he can hold your son by his neck.

[YouBastardSockBalls]

The police won't blame you now - but if you ignore this and continue to expose your sons to this violent man then you may well be accountable.

Sorry this has happened but your son has been assaulted and you need the police.

[Sonia2213]

Also DC hasn't mentioned it this morning, I'm worried if I say anything he will say that I shouted at him and it may look like I'm wrong too I picked him up and told him to go to bed and put him in his bed i know DC is a bit of an over exaggerator i would never hurt him I'm shocked H has but I think he's got anger problems

[Strangeoccurence]

The health visitor is enough. Whoever you feel comfortable telling like that. Doctors, HV, school, police etc. Ring the HV asap

[NerrSnerr]

Pop out with your one year old and call the police from anywhere. He is a child abuser. He harmed your child. He could do it again. It could be worse next time.

You need to protect both your children from this man.

[DoreenLethal]

Nip to the shop then and call the police whilst you are out. Is there a coffee shop or somewhere that you can sit in to wait for them?

[Sonia2213]

The local police station is quite far, would anyone suggest ringing health visitor? I must admit I'm not really involved in the school I hardly know the teachers, and I'm worried they would question H dropping him off this morning. I'll just pretend I'm nipping to shop as suggested!

[Strangeoccurence]

I would say you have to pop out. Say take something to school you forgot or something. Either way, head to the school and tell them everything. What your H has done. That you are frightened, that he has hit you before. That you wanted to report but were too scared as he was clearly very angry last night and instantly blamed you.

You cannot ignore this. I know its hard, and i know it is scary. I have been there. It is just taking that first step, once you do that - you will realise that you really arent alone.

[DoreenLethal]

Tell him that you are going to go and make another appt at the GPs, leave the house and go straight to the police station and report it. Tell them you are terrified of him attacking you again.

[hellsbellsmelons]

Then call police on 101 and talk to their DV team.
Tell them everything.
About him hitting you and about him grabbing your DS by the throat.
Tell them you want him out but you are too scared. They will help you.
Then call Womens Aid and tell them all about it.
They can also help you with an exit plan and get you in contact the right people to keep this violent abusive cunt away from you and your DC.
You CANNOT stay with this man.
He will keep hurting you and he will hurt your son more.
if you do not take action to get him gone then this is escalate and you are showing him that what he has done is acceptable.
You could also contact social services. They will want to help you and they can help you with this. But you need to get away from his and fast.
Usually I say take your time but you do not have time.
101 then Womens Aid and get this sorted out now!

[43percentburnt]

Cross post. Can you get to the local police station? Do you have relatives close by?

Can you pretend to go to the supermarket or shops and call the police?

Whose house is it? Is it in joint names?

[Lweji]

This is why you must go to the police. And gather as much outside help as possible.
Do you want your son to be the next punchbag?