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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Husband shouts swears and calls me names in front of kids!

85 replies

Amber83 · 10/01/2016 19:52

Hi
I'm new to this so please be kind!
I've been with my husband for 6 years, I have 2 children from my previous marriage and we have 2 together. He has always had a short temper and acts like a child when things don't go his way. My real concern is how this is affecting my kids, he will get annoyed if I say or do something he doesn't like it if I disagree with him, he quickly raises his voice, then begins swearing and calling me names like stupid fu*ing bitch and tell me to go f*k myself in front of them. I am constantly telling him to stop swearing and he just seems to let rip more. When he has calmed down he will admit he shouldn't do it in front of kids but then quickly blames me for pissing him off.

My question is should I give up on another marriage and break up another home?

Thanks for reading X

OP posts:
ciderhouserules · 05/09/2018 16:05

This thread is 2 years old. I imagine it's resolved by now - hopefully she LTB.

Anyone in need of the same sort of advice needs to open their own thread.

Anotheridiot · 05/09/2018 21:32

Wow! I am the OP!

Just scrolling through the relationship chat and cane across this, I read the title and it sounded familiar, I posted this over 2 1/2 years ago yet I’m still stuck in the same shit marriage.

I feel in shock about it, this is crazy. I only posted a couple of weeks ago.

I really want to leave but now we have a house together I can’t.

AynRandTheObjectivist · 05/09/2018 22:03

Why can't you?

ciderhouserules · 06/09/2018 09:58

OP - you are 2 years down the line now? Why would you sink another 2 years? or 10 Years? Or the rest of your life - because because because

Lots of couple have a house together, and kids, and finances and ad infinitum.

You can. And if you want to, you should. And if that ^ is still your life, then get out now, for your kids and for yourself.

Clo2630 · 14/05/2019 20:55

Hi i need advice please. I don't know if i am in the wrong with something my partner does when play fighting with my son. He will tell my son to stop kicking him and he doesn't he keeps doing it and then my partner flicks him hard on his foot for not stopping when he said and my son is in pain crying and then when i have a go at my partner for doing that to him he tells me i need to tell my son off for not listening and carrying on.....i'm always a referee between them and wish he would act like an adult. This results in us arguing and we both swear at each other and dont talk. He raises his voice first though every time and says horrible things in front of our son.

ClaireElizabethBeuchampFraser · 14/05/2019 23:42

This is a zombie (old) thread, you would be better posting your own post on the relationship board. Many people don’t read the last post

Alexander2014 · 12/08/2019 22:10

I don’t have any advice but I feel for you. I am in a similar situation - my husband is verbally abusive and has started losing his temper hugely towards me in front of the kids, swearing and putting me down. I honestly don’t think I do anything to fuel it as I keep calm and ask/tell him to stop but he doesn’t until I have physically left him. Unfortunately he often does this in the car when driving when I can’t get away. If you are brave enough to leave good on you.

Question : can these men ever change ?!?

Rtm7392 · 02/12/2019 04:08

Yes I am currently dealing with something similar but only difference is I’m not married and I’m 8 months pregnant

Hucklove123 · 09/12/2019 14:18

In a similar situation..... I have a question. How does one confirm that half custody won’t be awarded? My husband is so nice and charming to everyone else. I’m afraid if I leave I won’t be able to prove anything and he will just do it the kids once I’m not there to protect them. He’s a recovered addict but drinks like a fish now ..... I think the outbursts are related. But he says he hates me all the time. So I don’t see much point in trying to save the marriage any longer We’ve been together for 14 years married for 7. I’m Just scared for my kids. They love him, even though they watch him scream and yell at me.

firesong · 09/12/2019 21:55

I was in a very similar situation and left with my child. I haven't looked back. You don't need to put up with that crap, life is short. Take care of yourself and your children.

BigDad77 · 15/11/2020 09:45

Hi there.

I found this thread because that's exactly what my wife does and I was searching around looking for advice.

It's my first marriage and we have one son.

Reading through I couldn't help feeling that the advice would be different with the genders reversed. Am I right?

Bbub · 15/11/2020 10:02

I left my verbally abusive H 3 years ago and have never looked back. To all those in the same situation PLEASE LEAVE. He won't change and your kids deserve SO much better, even if you don't believe you do

Mummy909 · 10/04/2021 01:22

Hi, I’m in the same situation hubby is the father to all my 5 kids, eldest being nearly 21! Been with hubby near 22 years, married only near 2 years, hubby Is the financial provider, supervisor to my my family contact, and we also get on quite well till I question or disagree with him, then I get abusive name calling in front of the 3 kids that still live at home, they also receive some abuse in the forms on conflicting rules and instructions that change like the wind and they also at times get called harsh even rude names, I love him but also can’t stomach much more, I’m made to feel like I’m to blame and I often believe it because I have learnt I only should trust him, I’m begining to think I’m wrong in trusting him but I am also questioning why he would lie to me? I’m so confused, I think I know what is write and I should do but I’m always questioning myself... I hate swearing, I don’t want my boys to be aggressive and I do t want to be wrong in leaving him as I will be left with nothing, no money, home or stability as most family that could help have moved abroad and we have no passports or means to travel... I think I know what I should do but I don’t know how without my hubby getting mad and finding me

Mummy909 · 10/04/2021 01:38

Sounds like your telling my story, I am not allowed to work, being told ( he also tells my family) that my job is hard enough looking after the kids and home! I’m only allowed to speak and see any family if he allows it, otherwise he criticises, slanders and belittles them to me, I have no money, or allowance even for the kids and I have to ask even for monthly lady items and explain when I need them and my consumption of the previous. I have no friends as I can’t return the “ pop round for a cuppa” offer or “ fancy meeting up for a coffee?” I have to ask if the kids can have a friend over or if they are allowed round their mates homes... I’m like ffs I’m their mum and I have no say! Like you say my hubby to has a silver tongue that would charm everyone so nobody would believe me and he has threatened to take the kids and I seriously believe he could as he knows my weaknesses and can exploit them and charm who he needed to to spite me... I’m so scared for my kids as I don’t want to loose them to him

MrsMaizel · 10/04/2021 01:43

2016!!!!

jessstan2 · 10/04/2021 01:59

Presumably he was like that before you had kids with him.

You are in an intolerable situation, nobody should shout and swear at the mother of his children at all, never mind in front of them.

Get rid as soon as soon as you can and be cautious from now on, no more live-in relationships.

jessstan2 · 10/04/2021 01:59

PS: ...and no more children!

stoopider · 10/04/2021 05:06

Yes definitely split up!

2020Diary · 10/04/2021 05:58

My DDs ex has a short fuse and used to shout and swear at her and call her names , including b*ch and c*t, in front of the DC.
But his father treats his mother the same way and the ex shouts and swear at his mother too and call her names. He learned his behaviour from his parents, his 'models' and he didn't like it that my DD didn't put up with his behaviour like his mother did.
Do you want you children growing up thinking it is OK to call you awful names because their Dad does, and gets away with it ? If you have a DS do you want him to think that this is the way you treat women or your DD to think that it is acceptable way to be treated,
My DD realised that he won't change and left for her sake and her DCs.

TLxx · 10/04/2021 06:06

@2020Diary @Mummy909 can you create your own thread in the relationships topic? This is from 2016 and op's situation is resolved.

OliveToboogie · 10/04/2021 07:53

He is verbally and emotionally abusive. You are absolutely doing the right thing. You and your kids deserve so much better. He is just a foul mouth abusive man child bully. You are so well rid.

Mummy909 · 10/04/2021 09:32

He has got a lot worse since getting married, before he was only like it if there was a problem or he was upset about something which I could detect and solve before it got to this situation, not I just get told to mind my own business and it’s nothing to do with me, which I accept it’s not always about me or something I can help with but his behaviour is now like this angry possessive person all the time who demands I need him, looking back I was quite an independent person who earned her own way in life, now I’m to scared to answer the phone to anyone, even my family as I’m worried I will say something that upsets him, I’m also worried he will somehow fine these posts and he will get angry. He monitors the sites we all use through his routers log!! I refuse to call people on the phone and always have my phone on silent. I’m worried about the upset and grief he could cause if I was to leave him, he also tries to make me think that all these other women want him saying that he keeps having to tell “them” he’s married. It was a small rushed wedding that only had 10 guests and it was because he wanted to marry me ASAP for some unknown reason despite telling me for years he wanted me to have a big day and feel like a princess.
There will be no more kids I’ve been sterilised! 😂

I will create a new post as soon as I can

EarthSight · 10/04/2021 10:39

I'd say he bullies you into submission whoever he doesn't get his own way and it's always your fault for pissing him off.

If you stay, you will further increase the chance of your children growing up and seeing this as normal behaviour and then copying it in their own relationships.

Lolapusht · 10/04/2021 10:47

🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️

818roman · 01/11/2023 22:00

I am currently in the same situation. My 1 year old sees his dad yell at me and call me names.. now he yells out loud. I have decided to leave him

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