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Original poster

If someone says 'I love you/you're my everything/I can't imagine life without you"...

98 replies

ReySolo · 10/01/2016 13:14

After one month of frequent dating, what would you think?

(Context: know them through a mutual friend who has 'vouched' for them being nice etc, known as an aquaintance for a few years, only other sligt red flag is potentially a bit casually sexist/unaware/laddy etc).

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2016 13:56

I just feel like it's not a healthy approach to a relationship, to make the other person responsible for your happiness and all that IYSWIM?

Spot on. It's also a set up to try and control your future behaviour

And seriously, you are still in contact with a bloke who called his exes "whores" ?

Your bar must be set very low, love

Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 13:56

*I didn't

OP posts:
BluePancakes · 10/01/2016 13:56

Run like the wind!

From your first post, I was going to ask some more questions, but from your other posts, nope. Get outta there!

I had a boyfriend (I was 18 at the time) who was very similar; we'd hardly been together for a month and he was saying he loved me and he "could tell by my eyes that I felt the same way/would be together forever" when in reality my eyes were saying "poker face. poker face. how the fuck am I going to get out of this?" It didn't last too much longer, tbh.

My further question would have been to ask whether you knew each other before your month of dating? Me and DH got engaged after 6 weeks of dating but we had known each other for 18months previously, were best mates and knew absolutely everything about each other already.

Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 13:57

Well we've not seen each other since I pulled him up on the whore comments...

Which is why I thought maybe it was just a tactic.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 13:58

I've know who he is roughly for a few years but never really spoken to him until a party by our mutual friend.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2016 13:58

The icing on the cake is "you are different to the others"

he will treat you like a Madonna until you put one tiny foot wrong, then you are the whore

I reckon this is the pattern with all his exes. Don't wait until he knocks you off that pedestal he has put you on. He will find a myriad ways to devalue you in the meantime. Discard him before he gets in there first. Your self esteem will love you for it.

Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:00

I've been single for a year because I find a lot of men my age (mid twenties) are immature/laddy and I'd rather be single. Obviously he was on his best behaviour at very first...

I think I was better off not bothering at all and focussing on DS and myself.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:04

Oh definitely AnyFucker. That whole attitude is just so unhealthy IMO. Things have literally just blown up this week. We decided not to date other people (mutual thing, I don't really date two people at the same time past the first date) and that's when things got weird which is why I came on here really. I feel like that's a massive red flag even if they do seem earnest about it.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:05

(I did make it clear that it didn't mean I wanted to move fast or get too serious despite that. I told him that I have a lot on and wanted to take my time on the first two dates).

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 10/01/2016 14:06

You have done a very sensible thing, coming on here

I suggest you don't make contact with him again and if he pops up tell him thanks for the laughs/drinks/whatevers but he is not someone you see a future with.

AppleSetsSail · 10/01/2016 14:07

I'd steer clear of anyone who called their ex a whore, and I'd let him know exactly why.

My husband and I were happily co-dependent/exclusive/couldn't live without each other one month into our relationship and have now been together 16 years, but I accept that we're probably the exception rather than the rule.

Christinayangstwistedsista · 10/01/2016 14:08

He's a control freak, before long he would be involved in every part of your life, he would try and isolate you from friends etc

I would doubt the others cheated, more like that found out what he was like, dumped him and moved on.....ofcourse , they belong to him so in his mind they cheated

I think you have had a very lucky escape

Curiouserandcuriouser30 · 10/01/2016 14:15

Just read all your replies OP, and honestly the whole thing is throwing up red flag after red flag. He sounds controlling, immature and sexist. Listen to your gut and run for the hills!

There are nice men in their mid twenties who are not sexist or too laddy. They are out there. This man is not one of them.

AnyFucker · 10/01/2016 14:16

My husband was nothing like this in in his twenties. Or in fact at any other point in his life, I would wager.

ohtheholidays · 10/01/2016 14:17

I don't agree that you can't love someone with in that amount of time,of course you can everyone is different.

But the rest,you're my everything,can't live without would feel suffocating to me.

pocketsaviour · 10/01/2016 14:23

Ooh, the "whores" comment would have been curtain call for me. All a bit Elliot Rodgers, isn't it?

Your instincts are good OP - heed them!

SwedishEdith · 10/01/2016 14:28

"I think at one month I could imagine saying to someone "It feels like I've known you for ages and already I can't imagine not seeing you every weekend." I could just about imagine saying "I love you" at that stage but even if I felt things were heading in that direction, I don't think I'd say it at one month."

I agree with this. And when I was younger I would have believed it was love rather than just being in love.

But everything else about him says dump now.

Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:31

Oh I'm sure there are! I've just been on quite a few awful dates in my short time. The nicest people I've met have actually been through my course/education or through a local group I go to. This guy is more into the pubbing all weekend thing which I've never been into and wouldn't usually go for. But I initially thought maybe I should branch out Hmm Grin maybe not in that direction...

OP posts:
Anniegetyourgun · 10/01/2016 14:33

Or the previous girlfriends weren't prepared to go exclusive so early in the relationship and he categorised that as cheating (or planning to).

I had the "you're the most important thing in my life" phone call after dating a guy for about 5 minutes. Being very inexperienced in the ways of the world I married him, and anyone who's ever seen my username in these parts knows how well that turned out.

In short:

Borninthe60s · 10/01/2016 14:35

Just go with the flo, don't over analyse and enjoy the moment.

shihtzumamma · 10/01/2016 14:36

Is he my ex !!! If so RUN !!! if not.. red flag RUN !!!

redstrawberries101 · 10/01/2016 14:38

Reysolo - think this dude is a bit out of your comfort zone. The guys you meet through your course etc sound much better suited to you! You don't want a weirdo in your house when you have a DS.

Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:43

Annie Grin I love a MP reference. I have basically stopped contact because I didn't know what to say other than "arghhhhh" initially. He's messaged to say he should have told me in person and can he come over at some point but I've ignored it so far. I also have a raging cold and was up half the night so I was worried I might be a total bitch if I replied asap. Or worse, get sucked into something I don't really want.

OP posts:
Original poster
ReySolo · 10/01/2016 14:46

I was going to tell him over the phone but I don't think it'll go well. Probably going to go for the wussy way out and message him. Just so it's done and there's no drawn out conversation because that's sort of what happened when I tried to confront him about the comments/attitude stuff.

OP posts:
Trills · 10/01/2016 15:15

I can sympathise with why you don't want to get drawn into a conversation.

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