Is it reasonable for asking fiance to have a second job?

[lijana]

My fiance has little savings due to coming from another country and making very little money there i.e. $100 per month. He has come to Australia and now works in IT support making $77K per year.
I make $97K per year and also work a second job teaching music on the weekend part time.
We have recently bought an apartment and have a mortgage which we would like to pay off.
I suggested that given he has little savings, that he should try finding a second job on the weekend to earn some extra money.
He is quite picky with what he wants to do, e.g. I said he could try doing sales however he does not like sales as he feels his personality isnt suited for it. (he is more of an introvert).
Is it reasonable for me to ask him to find a second job? I feel like a true man should be one who would do anything to look after their family and provide for their family.
I am working two jobs also, so I am no lazy person sitting on my back asking someone else to do the hard work.

I agree with the others: you two are entirely incompatible. His priorities are very different from your own. His personality is very different from yours. This notion you have that you must boss him around and tell him what to do from behind the scenes, because that is what goes on behind the scenes with every successful man, is ludicrous. It does not always work like that. It clearly will not work with this man. You sound exceptionally rigid in your thinking, yet you expect him to be pliable. Your view of life is not the norm, so don't try forcing him to follow it - find someone who agrees with your norms!

OP, you need to take yourself outside and have a serious word with yourself.

Life is short.

You sound like some robot, nagging the man to death with "I want, I want, I want."

I'm tired (though strangely fascinated) just reading this thread about your life.

If you feel like he is taking advantage of you then that alone is reason for you to end the relationship. You don't marry people who you feel are taking advantage of you. Nor do you marry someone and then drag them through life, trying to make them into someone else. You marry someone who you like in the first place and who you get on with.

Try and take a step back from this OP and read all your posts about your fiance on this thread and your other ones with a strangers eye. Imagine you were reading this written by another person.

You will see that it REALLY sounds like you don't like this man on many different levels. Marrying him would be a disaster. Marriage is ideally for life. but If you have children with him, you'll be tied to him for life whether you divorce or not. why would you do this with a man you don't like or respect?

Your values are fundamentally incompatible. But much worse than that this truly sounds like someone you don't actually even like. Let alone love.

You need to get over the 28! 28! 28! tick tock tick tock in your head. 28 is really young. You'll meet someone else who is better for you but not while you are with him.

Reading this my view is:

you don't like him and you are blinded by your unwarranted obsession with your age and the Asian "Stale Cake" culture. It's crazy.

OP, out of interest if you were 23 would you stay with your DP?

Do you actually love or like your fiancé?

I married my husband for love, because of his personality. Our life isn't how we ever planned it to be, but we're content and make the best of our situation. Just because you are 28 doesn't mean you are old! I've got friends who are just finding their soul mates in their 40's.

Do you even like this man? Serious question. Because I'm not getting it, at all.

If you are still set on marrying him I suggest some sort of counselling to help you communicate better with each other, because at the moment you have a massive values-clash. And they're hard to bridge, if not impossible.

So, it's 2020, you are 32, you have children, you still don't have anything in common with your husband and your life is a constant struggle because of your conflicting values and culture.

The only difference would seem to be that you have have now introduced children into this miserable situation.

Life doesn't need to be this bleak.

Having lived and worked in Asia, I know where you're coming from OP.

But, life isn't all a balance sheet....

Have you tried meditation, or Buddhism?
It might help you with your feelings of unhappiness when you compare your life to others and your struggles for material wealth?

Maybe your material / money oriented head and your lifestyle doesn't suit your hardworking fiancé... Maybe it does. We can't say. I think it's essential to keep communicating.

I wish you well. And I hope you find inner peace. You do seem to be suffering.

I'm a professional the reason I say this 1st is coming! I've managed lots of junior Chinese employees (as Juniors do rotations in my work) and I think they've had it quite tough in that coming from very hard working immigrant parents and often being told by their parents that they had sacrificed a lot for their childrens' education and future, they have been conditioned into going into professions that they didn't really want to.The emphasis on school work was often so extreme that they failed to have fun and socialise as teenagers ending up not only very hard on themselves and self critical but also lacking in empathy, judgemental and highly critical of others. I think the op is showing some of these traits but given that she's posted here,she might be open to persuasion to personal growth and development .I suspect OP that you've inertnalised a lot of your parents ' beliefs and although you may not like your fiance very much, you may discover that you don't like yourself too much either.

You come across quite oddly. Do you love him? It doesn't sound like it. You can't pick someone that you don't really like because you think your clock is ticking and then expect to morph them into what you wanted in the first place.

Also, I had all my children before 30. They all have autism. Plus other complex needs.

There is no formula to guarantee a non disabled child. Everyone stands the chance of it happening regardless of age.

Many parents I know in the RL SN community local to me had their children in their early to mid twenties.

WOW, my STBXH has relatives in Australia. I am pretty sure you must be related as you seem to have the same shit attitude where £££££££ is everything.
Leave him ASAP then he can find someone who truly values him as a person and not as a cash machine.

Ahhh OP now that I know you're the neurotic poster who is trying to figure out if her boyfriend is autistic (and thus you have less respect for him), the jumbled posting suddenly makes sense.

YABU. I do not think you are being taken advantage of.

You have a man who earns well enough to be living pretty well. He's with you, someone who also earns well. You chose to take on a large mortgage and now you're begrudging being able to spend money, that's what having a mortgage sometimes means.

You're not happy with how much he earns so you want him to go out and earn more, you sound like a gold digger, which is funny seeing you earn more than him at the moment.

If YOU want more money and more things then YOU, as an empowered woman, go out and earn extra money to do so. As long as he's able to cover his portion of the (normal) household bills, then that's all that matters.

You're not married, it's still split incomes, so offer to buy him out for his deposit (and anything extra he's paid so far) and move on.