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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Is it best to just ignore ow

98 replies

cherrypiew4 · 05/01/2016 17:37

I have posted before at the start of October I found out dh had been having an affair. I asked him to leave he did after lots of talking we decided to give the marriage ago we have been going to councilling and although I find it hard most days I do feel we are making progress.
Most days I drive past ow I try to avoid but some days it can not be helped anyway she always stares at the car I just ignore her. Today though she not only looked but got her friend to look and then shouted something at me. I got in the house and went mad with dh not sure why she thinks it's ok to be taking it out on me. So dh wants to phone her and have it out with her with her. I am not sure this is a good idea I don't want to give her any reasons to be back in our lives. I just don't know what to do for the best I am in floods of tears over it all again.

OP posts:

MorrisZapp · 05/01/2016 23:20

She's furious because your husband has treated her like shit.

I suppose it's possible that he told her you were wonderful, he loved you deeply etc, but it probably isn't likely is it.

She only knows you through him, he's given her whatever reason she thinks she has for calling you a wanker.

He's treated you both shabbily.

ADishBestEatenCold · 05/01/2016 23:42

Go shopping, cherrypie, buy half a dozen pairs of the cheapest, nastiest looking thongs you can find ... in the largest size they make them.

Keep them in the car, then the next time you see her with a friend, stop, roll down the window and throw them out, saying >>>

"these must be yours ... they're far to large for me",

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 06/01/2016 09:39

ADish good idea.

Have spoke to h again this morning and told him that under no circumstances do I want him to contact her he said that he won't so we shall see.
Not looking forward to the drive home tonight I am wondering if I should camp out somewhere for 1hr it's pathetic really.

OP posts:

ColdWhiteWinePlease · 06/01/2016 09:48

Blimey! I know many people won't agree with me, but if she did that to me, I would slam the breaks on, hop out of the car and say "what do you want to say, come on, say it to my face you fucking whore" but I have a terrible temper when I have been wronged

I also would have thrown his arse out of the house, because I can tell you this, he will do the same again.

Surely there's a different route you can take?

Actually the best thing to do really would be to report her to the Police for harrassment. They won't arrest her. But they will pay a visit and give her a warning. That should do the trick.

I'm so angry for you!!

hellsbellsmelons · 06/01/2016 09:50

Don't do that.
Do NOT let her win this one.
Seriously, smile and wave.
That's the best way to handle it.

sije · 06/01/2016 09:57

ColdWhiteWine Brilliant, but not many of us have the nerve.

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 06/01/2016 10:02

coldwhitewine I wish I had the nerve I really do. However my 70 year old mother had asked if she can get out and punch her I might just let her

OP posts:

Jan45 · 06/01/2016 10:35

No, no, no, don't devalue yourself to that level where you are out the car screaming like a banshee, fgs - stay dignified. Ignore her, that will have a better effect than reacting to her.

As for her doing all the instigating - oh please, and that just sounds like she is covering from your husband who probably did all the pursuing I'm sure.

You don't just have her as an issue, I think you have an issue with your OH contacting or being in contact with her.

MorrisZapp · 06/01/2016 10:43

What exactly should op tell the police regarding harassment?

IrianofWay · 06/01/2016 17:04

Smile pleasantly but vaguely as if you can't quite remember who she is.

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 06/01/2016 18:18

Did not see her today rushed home and missed her. Will be smiling next time though.

OP posts:

lunar1 · 06/01/2016 18:36

Glad you didn't see her. Smile and wave.

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 07/01/2016 00:05

So tonight dh had a friend request so he accepted it had a look who she was and it turns out she is a friend of ow. He then showed me she messaged him at that point asking him if he was single he blocked her. This is getting me down so much why is she trying to contact him now.

OP posts:

loveitvmonkey · 07/01/2016 00:49

sounds like they wanted to set him up, i.e. to get him to respond 'I'm single' to this woman and then to show it to you, OP, so you think he's a serial cheat.

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 07/01/2016 11:44

Never thought of that loveit dh said she is just doing it to start trouble. Not sure why now though it's been weeks since I found out.

OP posts:

Jan45 · 07/01/2016 11:56

They were trying to trap him, obviously he's easily turned and they were trying to do just that then let you know what an actual creep he is.

Why would you accept a friends request of a complete stranger?

elizalovelace · 07/01/2016 12:10

Why would any DH/DP accept a friend request from a stranger? OP I get you love your husband and want to believe he loves you back but having a affair with another woman proves he neither loves or respects you, don't forget that and do your self a favour and remember that it was him that did this to you, OW didn't make him shag her at gunpoint! He chose to! He brought this to your doorstep, and by taking him back you have allowed this to happen.Sorry you are in this situation.

lazymoz · 07/01/2016 12:16

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

hollolew2 · 07/01/2016 12:16

Agree with everyone best to ignore even though you probably don't feel like it. My ex had an affair with an acquaintance of ours 15 years ago and over the years shes tried to show up in my life everywhere. Even to the point of changing her kids school to mine.Her husband then used to try and walk really close to me when I had mine and other peoples kids in a threatening manner ( that soon stopped when one day i had no kids with me and walked towards him glaring pulling myself up to my full height!!).She befriended friends of mine & my ex who quickly became ex-friends of mine (did me a favor).
But none of that you could call the police on but it was pretty obvious to me what she was doing.
Anyway she got caught on holiday snogging a boy band member a couple of years ago so to all the people she gave a sob story to I say told you!!
Unfortunately your husbands behavior has brought this to your doorstep. I think in general from my experience a woman who knowingly has an affair with a married man has a lot of issues. try and concentrate on yourself/kids that got me through people will see her for who she is.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2016 12:21

Just ignore her. Totally. Don't give her the satisfaction. I made the mistake of engaging with OW (although my husband did leave for her and remains with her) and she was FOUL and remains so. I also frequently drive past her and indeed on NYE actually walked straight past her at a local shop (I was in their town to fair, having dropped DD off at a party). It's awful and I really feel for you. However, rise above it and absolutely do not, under any circumstances, let your DH contact her. He should have long got rid of all contact information in any event...!

Original poster

cherrypiew4 · 07/01/2016 13:46

I know it sounds silly but I cannot argue about him accepting the fb request I have many times accepted them and then had a look realised I don't know them and then blocked them. He has in the past accepted people and then asked me if I know them we went to the same schools lived in the same small village so know the same people.

I have no idea what I am doing though with dh though and her behaviour is just adding to a shit situation and I am considering asking him to leave for good. I would be in a terrible situation financially would need to sell the house to free u some money and he has always been a wonderful dad.

OP posts:

Jan45 · 07/01/2016 14:07

I'd advise not to accept a friends request of anyone I didn't know, why would you.

I wonder OP how much your OH is making up to you, you say yous are making progress but really he should be moving hell and earth to please you and he still appears to have her contact?

So what if you have to sell the house etc, I'd not stay out of fear of being worse off.

He cant be that wonderful, he risked your security and his kids by fucking someone else, or if he is that wonderful he can continue to be, only difference would be he wouldn't be in your bed.

TheFormidableMrsC · 07/01/2016 14:10

I never ever accept friend requests from people I don't know...why on earth would you? She's trying to cause trouble, that is clear. I would come off FB if I were you, both of you, even temporarily. Ignore ignore ignore. As I said earlier, any connection to her should have long be severed. Change his number, email, whatever. He's not trying hard enough and probably quite enjoys this "everybody wants me" shit

LaurieLemons · 07/01/2016 14:15

Please do smile and wave

Buttercup443 · 07/01/2016 14:17

What MrsW28 said.

Log her behaviour, then involve police.

As much as you'd love to give her middle finger, best not to do it but ignore.

You are a decent lady as others have said and you have nothing to be ashamed about. She on the other hand is a despicable excuse of a woman and so are her friends. Is she very young and a bit slow in the head??

Log it and make a complaint if she doesn't stop but please do not engage. Just ignore.

Why has your husband still got her number? She is just trying to provoke a reaction. Stand him down and make sure he gets a new phone plus new number.

and for you x

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