Should adultery be re - criminalized?

[SlowFJH]

There's been a plethora of threads from OW in recent days. The general feeling on MN seems to be "cheating is always wrong". Yet most "civilised" countries have removed "Thou shalt not commit adultery" from their statute books many years ago. Was this a mistake?

Of course in those same countries it is still a legitimate grounds for divorce.

Criminalising adultery would not stop it happening and would not improve shit relationships where children are suffering.

Divorce is not what causes damage to children, it is shit relationships between parents (whether together or not).

Family law was originally derived from church law and administrated by the church. That's why we still have ridiculous divorce laws.

My dp thinks people who commit adultery should be treated the same as murderers or shot. Seems a bit extreme to me.

I feel your pain, SongBird. Not so long ago the divorce courts punished adulterers in matters of child custody and/or the division of assets but, although adultery remains one of the grounds for divorce, the courts have moved towards 'no fault' divorce regardless of infidelity or unreasonable behaviour on the part of the respondent.

But so often (here on MN) adultery is viewed as a moral absolute. The Abrahamic God agrees (we were told by Moses). But since then, most civilised legislatures have said it isn't a moral absolute.

For those who think that it is a moral absolute - where does that belief come from?

What does morality have to do with criminal law?

But isn't the social context of Exodus so very different that we're using the same word for two drastically different things? What the Mosaic codes call 'adultery' is rather far away from the 'OW/ OM' discussions had on here.

The purpose of criminal law is to prohibit and punish people who commit acts which are considered to be harmful to society as a whole.

The purpose of civil law is to provided redress for acts which one individual performs which harm another individual.

Morality has almost nothing to do with any part of law. Law is to do with dealing with harm appropriately.

Absolutely not!

Ridiculous suggestion IMHO

Committing harmful acts may be immoral but that has no bearing on whether it is appropriate or not to legislate against them. What's considered there is the harm caused and the appropriateness of legislating.

And what's your point anyway?

This just seems like a goady thread designed to trap MN into making statements about affairs that are totally out of whack so that advice on affair threads can be dismissed as coming from 'crazy women'...

Sorry it seems to have disappointed in that regard...

There is no case for adultery being a criminal offence however much emotional pain it causes because the law would be repressive.

But I think there is an argument for sex under false pretences being an offence. If someone has unprotected sex with a long-term partner when they have had unprotected sex with someone else, they put their partner at risk of an STD. If that is uninformed, it seems like an offence to me.

OK take morality out of it.
The law in most civilised countries says adultery is no longer a crime (even though it once was). We as a society (with our democratically elected legislatures) have moved on from "absolutism" when it comes to adultery. Yet on MN there still seems to be more than a hint of absolutism when you look at the way OW and cheaters are discussed.

Where does that absolutism come from?

But it's interesting what is and isn't legal in our country. Someone walking out on a pregnant woman and a two year old is breaking no law. But that same pregnant woman would be breaking the law by stealing food because she's so broke as she temporarily relied on his income while the children are small and now that income is spent on restaurants and hotels for new GF. We accept all sorts of injustices and immorality as legal.

Crossed with you OP.

It comes from a moral compass that says cheating is wrong.

Whether sexual, school admissions, use of P&C parking etc etc.

Your thread is about conflating people objecting to affairs and a perceived implied wish of MN to criminalise adultery...

The reason people object to affairs is because they cause hurt and are morally wrong. Many people who object to affairs do not object to honest multiple partner relationships.

They object to affairs because the lies cause emotional harm, there is a practical fall out in terms of destabilising the family (including finances) and if the faithful partner is still having sex with the unfaithful partner then there is physical harm too.

Surely it is not rocket science and surely you can understand that thinking affairs are wrong does not equate to thinking adultery should be criminalised?

Where does that absolutism come from?

From people generally believing that adultery is wrong and people shouldn't engage in it. Just because something isn't illegal it doesn't mean it is right.

Do you think affairs are not morally wrong?

"Your thread is about conflating people objecting to affairs and a perceived implied wish of MN to criminalise adultery..."

Agree.

It's like a straw man argument to try to paint those who think adultery is wrong as unreasonable.

(And follows the usual (holiday season) outbreak of OW threads).

I promised DH I would be faithful to him and vice versa. I believe that both of us feel it is a non negotiable part of our marriage. We are atheists and therefore the moral absolute comes from our own consciences. If he commits adultery then I would see that as having broken his promise and it would be up to me to decide whether that was grounds to end our 'contract'. It would be a breach of promise but not a criminal act. I would condemn it. But giving it criminal status legally wouldn't be much use if he lost his job and couldn't support his dc.

you are being ridiculous OP

Quite a bit of circular logic here.. "It's wrong because my moral compass tells me it's wrong".

As a society we don't think it that is wrong enough any more to be against the criminal law (unlike killing someone or stealing something).

But those who think it is absolutely wrong... where does that come from? Your faith? Your upbringing? Joint expectations you had with your OH?

what if someone is in an abusive relatio ship. they turn to a friend for support abd things develop? its never cut and dry.

I've explained how law operates. It does not operate based on morality.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

Do you think affairs are not morally wrong?