Well, I finally did the unthinkable

[janaus]

I texted the ex OW.

So much has been going through my head since my suspicions in July and August and admission in September.
I have issues. Trust, of course. I am certain he is not seeing anyone. We are doing well together. But I do feel he minimised the fling, mistake as he called it. 3 times only he said.
So in the text I asked if she would tell me the truth. At first she didn't want to talk to me. But I persisted, and said she didn't have to tell me anything. But that he had said it was 3 times. She said, who said it was 3 times. So I guess I have my answer. There was about 6 messages each. Very civil, polite. I am not blaming this woman. In the end we wished each other a Merry Christmas.
I know it wasn't the right thing to do. I will be getting Counselling after the New Year.

I hope everyone here has a good Christmas, and thanks for your support over this time.

Wtf you were rude asking?? I'm mortified at the fact that I slept with a married man, and I think the fact that she has no interest in your husband now is not the point. Surely the issue is whether your husband is capable of remaining faithful to you?

Business arrangement?
Prostitute you mean.

He's still lying to you, because she still has enough of a personal and business relationship with him for her to bother letting him know you've been in touch.

You don't NEED to see old deleted texts, because he knows he did wrong now. He's being honest now that he's told you he's so disgusted and ashamed, right?
So why do you need an old text from her when you can trust him to tell you the truth?

Oh yes - you can't.

This is going to carry on eating you up Jan.

Are you asking him these questions?

it was the first question since our emotional outburst on boxing day, and 'togetherness'.
I cant go anywhere in a hurry, we have a business together and our son needs to keep his job.
I can sit and wait.
Questions thrown at him ... understrikes .... asked from time to time, not all at once, maybe catch him by surprise, like I did this morning/ The truth may gradually come out. I may get an Oscar for this.

The business arrangement was, she was a customer at work, he was making gates for her. He crossed the line.

Gets out notebook.

Why do you not see that you can't post:

on the one hand that he's disgusted with himself and understands now what he's done to you, and you two are working together on "our future".

on the other hand you still have to hope to trip him up to find out the truth?

You can leave him and still run a business together. He's already left you.

Jan, my dear.

I really feel for you and I know that feeling of desperately wanting it to work.

Can you ask him one single question: "What are YOU going to do to fix this marriage?"

It's not up to you now. You've been to counselling, you've banged him senseless, you've bought him a load of Xmas presents and accepted that he didn't even FUCKING BOTHER buying you ONE gift (I'm still mad on your behalf) - there is literally nothing more that you can do here apart from saying "You know what mate, fuck who you like, just don't tell me about it and I won't pry, and please wear a condom."

I am sorry Jan but I feel he is absolutely mugging you off. Didn't buy a xmas gift. Cunt. He really needs a slap up the side of the head with a wet bag of shit.