To feel sad that he hasn't messaged?

[catcalledhoover]

Went on a couple of dates with new guy who seemed quite into me (said I was nice company, attractive etc) and implied there was a future in us seeing each other, despite us living fairly far away and having busy lives. He is looking for a serious relationship rather than a fling and I believed him when he said that; so am I, eventually, but obviously happy to take it slow and play it by ear.

Anyway unfortunately our last date wasn't all sparks and fireworks, and was a bit stilted for various reasons. I was fairly sure at this point that I could take it or leave it and was happy to not see him again.

However speaking to friends about it, my mind got swayed and I thought I'd like to give it another chance to see if we can click.

We have chatted via text a tiny bit but he is not pursuing me. I don't know if he is offended about how things worked out on last date or just not that into me. I have suggested doing something else and he has not properly replied.

I just feel a bit rejected! I wasn't super keen on doing something anyway so don't get how the roles have changed so much and now I'm the one who is essentially chasing him?

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

OP it's a funny time of year for making arrangements, lots of people are busy doing family stuff. If you really want to text him then why not ask him out again at a specific time on a specific date and see if he says yes or no. Then you'll have your answer I think.

[RudeElf]

So I definitely don't think he was after anything

"what was he expecting?? Full sex? bit ambitious
Just thought it was naive of him to expect things to go like that."

You keep saying conflicting things. You seem to jump from one extreme to the other. "Date was awful, he was awful but why wont he meet me again!" Or you dont have a clue what you actually think or want. I'm not sure youre in a good place to be dating. You seem to be struggling with knowing what you want and also reading the signs from the other person.

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

Bloody hell Rudeelf you're like a dog with a bone. Are you desperate for an argument with someone to release some pent up frustration or something?

[SongBird16]

I haven't seen any of the other threads but I genuinely don't understand the problem.

You went on a second date that, for whatever reasons, didn't go very well.

You felt that you didn't want to see him again, but your friends talked you round.

He felt similarly but his friends didn't talk him round, or he didn't discuss it with anyone, or he hasn't got any friends, or whatever.

I don't mean to sound harsh, but he quite obviously doesn't want to pursue a relationship with you, and you may never know why, and it doesn't matter.

It doesn't mean that you did anything wrong.

I agree with everyone who's said that you shouldn't care this much after two dates, and should redirect your energies elsewhere.

[RudeElf]

what? What is it i've done wrong?

[catcalledhoover]

I understand what you're all saying but I was quite underwhelmed from the beginning whereas he kept saying how much he enjoyed it, how attractive he thought I was etc etc. So I don't understand how now he doesn't want to see me? How could someone's feelings just go from two extremes

[catcalledhoover]

I don't understand how, when he was basically the one being awkward in the second date, he now "isn't that into me"? Why would you not just go on a third date for the sake of it

[catcalledhoover]

Especially since I've basically asked him.

[Whoknewitcouldbeso]

Thing is you can say you're really into someone and mean it at the time and then decide that actually you're not particularly well suited after all once you see then again. There is a chance he said what he said and meant it and then changed his mind OR he may never have really meant it and was just complimenting you to oil the wheels if the date. Who knows?

[catcalledhoover]

Ok yeah point taken

So do you think his silence is pointed or just the way things are over the Xmas period? I mean to be fair to him he said it would be nice to do something again, it's just actual dates that he hasn't got back to me about. Obviously his first answer could just be out of politeness though...

[Pandora97]

I think you're being rather harsh on him here. I haven't read your other threads so am just going on what you've written here but you say he's probably a virgin yet complain he didn't set the mood. If he's a virgin, he's unlikely to be some romancing lothario, it's likely going to be very awkward and he's probably never been in that situation before. It was likely he was very nervous and was intimidated by you being more experienced than him. IMO if you're the more experienced one, it should have been you taking the lead if you wanted anything to happen, even if it was just kissing. You say he tried to hold your hand but you pulled away so he probably thought you didn't fancy him or had made some grave error.

My guess is that he did like you but was very embarrassed at how awkward it was. If I'd had an awkward date like that I'd probably be mortified and not keen to see the other person again. Or it could be as another poster said, it's a busy time of year and he may not know when he's free yet.

I think maybe next time you should avoid inexperienced men as it sounds like they're not for you.

[catcalledhoover]

Anyway I'm moving on!!

Just it was all very intense and then now nothing. I classically played it all down before we met up then was left very confused by how good the first date was and how bad the second one was in comparison

[catcalledhoover]

Ok Pandora thanks! Yeah I know, the irony is I'm not super experienced myself though. I take your point about him feeling awkward, I really hope he didn't feel that way Thats why I want to see him again, to give us a chance just to smooth things over

[catcalledhoover]

So would you all recommend just leaving it there then - there's nothing else I can say is there really to make it less awkward?

[60sname]

Smooth what over? Date two established that for whatever reason you're not meant to be, whether that's his level of interest, experience or something else entirely. As a pp said just chalk it up to experience and move on.

[Pandora97]

Awww maybe you should just say that to him then, that you recognise the date was a bit awkward but you'd like to see him again to give you both a chance to smooth things over as you said. Although maybe that would make things more awkward, I don't know. I'd definitely leave it after that though and see what he says. You've made it clear you want to see him again so the ball's in his court now.

[catcalledhoover]

Thanks... I'm really not blaming him for anything here, I just feel like itcould go one of several ways : we don't see each other again cos it was so horrendous; we do and it's fine but no spark, or we see each other, it's good and 2nd date becomes something to laugh about in future!

I just really really get the feeling it was circumstances that made the date so bad and neither of us could really be ourselves. Shame!!

Anyway as you say it's up to him now.

[mewkins]

Yep, the ball is in his court. I have been where you have and tbh you can only do what you can do. Hope it all works out one way or another.

[catcalledhoover]

So Pandora, sorry, not sure if I've misunderstood - you think I should message again?? Not sure if that's a bit ott. But I'm really not bothered about sounding crazy as I don't have to see him again after all!

[BolshierAryaStark]

Haven't seen your other threads but I'd say leave it alone. You're obviously not that into him so unsure what you want from the poor bloke. Don't get the issue with splitting for 'just a main' either

[EvaBING]

You sound a bit intense tbh. I think I replied to another thread of yours, saying that he was probably busy over Christmas.
But, since he hasn't replied at all, I would have to say - it's over. Move on.

[munkynutts]

Can't find your other threads, why was it so horrendous? Can you link to threads? X

[Cabrinha]

I'm a woman that would be happy to split the bill and then have sex.
In fact, I'm happier to pay my own way.
What's the issue with him not paying for you? Is that what men have to do to get sex?

[catcalledhoover]

No okay I'm out of order about the bill thing. Fair enough.

Eva - yeah he did reply. He said it would be good to do something again. It's just specific dates we haven't sorted out