Did I just agree to let him treat me poorly?

[Cherrycrystal]

Long time lurker here, I've spent today searching for a thread that relates to me but have given up.
Backstory - dp and I broke up three months ago, we were still very much in love but we agreed to go our separate ways, there was too much happening elsewhere in our lives to be able to give each other time, family illness, career problems etc.
Now - we have been trying again for the past two months, by that I mean texting, meeting up every so often (once a week) however, I don't think I trust him anymore (for a number of reasons) . Once a week for the past three weeks he hasn't replied to my texts and I've freaked out, telling him I'm walking away. I've become the jealous ex, I don't even know who I am. Once I tell him off I immediately regret it and apologise and we carry on, till the next time. I've done it again tonight, this time he said (quite rightly) you want to carry on but it'll happen again. I agreed and said I'd work on it and if I felt unsure id text him and he could tell me exactly what's happening.
Thing is, I can't get away from the feeling that I've just agreed to me accepting if I believe he's ignoring me, I'm sure the asking him if I'm unsure may grow old pretty quickly. Or have I just managed to create a good method for us to work on this relationship and to rebuild the trust?

Raptors it's awful your ex did that, thank you for sharing your experience though. I do need to keep my dignity, I've avoided texting him today and to be truthful I'm quite proud of myself.
I do desperately want to be able to follow this through and have him as that bullet I dodged way back when. I'm so worried if he texts me that I won't be strong enough to ignore so I have prepared a text just incase, which goes along the lines of no, we can't keep doing this. I hope I'll be able to ignore him though.

Sorry, double post from me again.
I keep getting moments where I think of parts of our relationship and it hurts to know we'll never get that back, then I begin to hope and have to remind myself of the moments even during our relationship where he made it clear to me he didn't see a future with me. I'm so annoyed I gave him the power to hurt me like this. My emotions are all over the place regards this, my overriding emotion for the past few hours has been hurt, I'm so hurt that someone I love could walk away and treat me so poorly. However, im also relieved to be getting out now, im relieved i will not be stuck walking on eggshells while he blows hot and cold for the next ten years.
Stupidly I still miss him though.
I hope it's ok me posting like this, I need to get this out and mumsnet seems a good platform to do that.

I think it really helps to write and write and write. And if you get fed up of my replies you could always use a journal or a blog.

Well done for staying strong. Soemtimes I find growing through the hurt, and owning those feelings makes it easier to stay strong and not go back to what/who caused the hurt. Agree with RedMaple that writing can help a lot. Writing, especially handwriting, activates the parts of the brain governed by reason, make sit easier to make rational decisions rather than emotionally motivated one, so the very act of writing something down make sit easier for you to think clearly. Take care.

Thank you both.
Red I'm grateful for any replies, I don't expect them I know this must have become tiresome
Pitpat I do hope I grow through this, you're right I should own the hurt for now at least.
I will start a journal I find writing things has helped in the past I'm so glad you both reminded me of that.