Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

1 2 3 4 5

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Right then...time to get this biatch to back off

108 replies

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 10:50

Been seeing a guy for 4/5 months.
Before me, he was casually seeing (sleeping with and hanging out but no shared plans or talk of feelings) a woman who is much older than me and was in the process of leaving her husband. It was fizzling out by the time I came on the scene, I know there was an 'overlap' between me and her in the first month, which is fine by me, it was the same situation on my side when I was seeing him (was also casually seeing someone else). Now though:
She left her husband.
He is with me.
I'm pretty sure he isn't messing around on the side as we spend almost every night together.

HOWEVER. She calls and texts him constantly. I never check his phone obviously, I'm not like that, but I can't help if his phone goes off next to me at breakfast and I see its her. He never answers but she keeps at it. Apparently fairly angry messages, trash talking him, begging him to reply,. etc. Three times now she has turned up on his doorstep.

Last night was the first time we spoke about it properly. I feel he should be doing more, he says he has already told her he will call the police if she turns up again, and he doesnt respond to her. I feel clearly in some way he must not be being forceful enough or must be encouraging it. He blocked her number in front of me, but I feel pissed off he hadn't done that already. I'm considering taking action myself. I asked if she knows about me, he said yes. In that case, irrespective of what shes doing to him, she is disrespecting ME, clearly. What would you do? And what do you think about the situation? Any similar experiences?

OP posts:

Report

SirChenjin · 10/12/2015 10:53

Why is she a biatch? And what proof do you have that there was shared feelings or plans? I don't believe a word of that, quite frankly - if someone leaves their spouse then it's a pretty big step, and one that I would imagine she thought would lead to something with him. Why do you think that might be, if there had been no conversations at all about a joint future?

Annarose2014 · 10/12/2015 10:55

At 4/5 months I would do absolutely nothing. He isn't responding and was sleeping with her until what 10/12 weeks ago?

She had left her husband by that stage? I'd say by her reaction that there must have been certainly "talk of feelings" no matter how casually he shrugs it off. Its definately not about you, its about him and him throwing her over.

Its not your fight, not when you've only been with him a season. He's blocked her. Now let it go and stop being so intense about a bloke you've been with such a short time.

hellsbellsmelons · 10/12/2015 10:57

How is he getting these messages?
Surely he should have blocked her by now?
I also agree with Jin
She left her DH, probably to be with your DP. They must have had some plans?

Northernnights · 10/12/2015 11:01

Well if she contacts him again, I would call her and calmly ask her to leave him alone. Tell her she is causing distress to you both and ask her to come to terms with the fact that he is now in a relationship with you.
If she persists, well, then I'd take it to the next level.....🤔

Tiggeryoubastard · 10/12/2015 11:01

'Trash talking'? 'Biatch'? Are you American or a teenager? And why on earth would you feel the need to take action? Grow up.

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 11:05

Thanks for your comments!

Unprompted by me he said that when she was talking about leaving her husband he told her he hoped it had nothing to do with him. So I'm not sure there was anything on the cards.

I do consider her to be a bit of a biatch actually because if I was seeing a guy who moved on and started something with someone else, I'd get the hint and back off. I certainly wouldn't be intruding on another woman's relationship.

OP posts:

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 11:05

'''Trash talking'? 'Biatch'? Are you American or a teenager?'' Very useful.

OP posts:

whatdoIget · 10/12/2015 11:09

Are you though?!

stitchglitched · 10/12/2015 11:09

She was cheating on her husband, your boyfriend was sleeping with a married woman, you were seeing someone else when you started seeing your boyfriend and there was a month overlap of him sleeping with you both. Yet she is now a biatch for not respecting your exclusive relationship of what, a few weeks??

Kr1stina · 10/12/2015 11:10

Stay out of it , you don't know the facts.

He could easily have blocked her before now , it makes me wonder if he enjoys being the centre of the drama and having two women fight for him .

You've only been with him for such a short time , it all sounds too intense . Stop spending nearly every night with him, you are over involved . Just step back a bit

summerwinterton · 10/12/2015 11:11

Why isn't he dealing with this? I would wonder how truthful he has been with you tbh, rather than blindly believing he is the victim in all of this. You don't know what he promised her. If he was that innocent surely he would be taking action against her.

lubeybooby · 10/12/2015 11:11

it wouldn't matter one iota what she did if he was properly into you

he isn't and that's the problem

he is the problem, not her

Sorry to sound harsh but I just can't think of any other explanation why he wouldn't have blocked her ages ago. He wanted the contact. Therefore he is the problem and you're right to be annoyed with him. I hope you see what I mean here, which is some annoying clingy woman is easily ignored if they want to.

I don't know if he's still into her or just a bit generally useless but either way is that really what you want?

You're directing your annoyance at her because it means you don't have to address the actual situation...

Offred · 10/12/2015 11:16

You must feel so good about yourself with him choosing you over her even though she had left her husband for him and OF COURSE he isn't sleeping with her still, OF COURSE he wants nothing to do with her that's why he blocked her straight away. She's such a bunny boiler psycho you should totally turn up at her work and give her a slap for trying to steal your man(!)

Offred · 10/12/2015 11:18

I mean it's not like he could be enjoying this whole debacle is it, the poor tortured soul(!)

Maryz · 10/12/2015 11:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

RudeElf · 10/12/2015 11:22

What would you do?

I would leave him. He's still in contact with her, he is lying to you, he is lying to her. he was seeing you both at the same time and is stringing you both along.

Also "biatch" you are to her what she is to you. Youre being played. Find your dignity and walk away. She isnt your problem to get rid of.

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 11:23

I agree with what some of you are saying. It's possible he likes being at the centre of all of this, and it makes me feel uncomfortable. I would have thought that if you really wanted this to stop, it would be quite easy to make yourself heard loud and clear.

OP posts:

Caprinihahahaha · 10/12/2015 11:25

She's much older.

RudeElf · 10/12/2015 11:25

I certainly wouldn't be intruding on another woman's relationship.

Except thats exactly what you did! He was seeing her when you started seeing him and you knew this!

Threefishys · 10/12/2015 11:25

Story as old as the hills! OP two choices a/ trust that he has blocked her now and wont have any contact b/ assume he will do it behind your back because he's seeing her/just likes the attention. Do you trust him? If you do no problem. Personally I wouldn't trust him, or you for that matter, you've both got similiar form haven't you.

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 11:26

My instinct, which I put to him yesterday, is: is the idea to keep her at arm's length but still have the door ever so slightly ajar so if things go tits up with me he has a back up plan to piece together?

OP posts:

Threefishys · 10/12/2015 11:27

Spot on. Or woman number 3 , as Pp said. I'd get out before he does to you what he did to her at which point you become the 'biatch'. Awkward

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Email address

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

Dipankrispaneven · 10/12/2015 11:29

Why does she have to "respect" you? She owes you precisely nothing.

RudeElf · 10/12/2015 11:29

My instinct, which I put to him yesterday, is: is the idea to keep her at arm's length but still have the door ever so slightly ajar so if things go tits up with me he has a back up plan to piece together?

Hahaha! You said that to him? With expectation of a truthful answer? youre a mug. I'm guessing he didnt say "yes thats my plan"

Quornmakesmefart · 10/12/2015 11:33

munkynutts I think you are spot on with your last post too.

Take the focus away from this woman and put it firmly on him. He is the one supposedly now in a relationship with you - he is the one who should and could put an end to this if he really wanted to.

He can block her number on his mobile and home phones. He can block her email address. Then her only option (if she really is that deranged...) is to turn up 'uninvited' at his home. And if she does that and still wont bugger off, he can quite rightly call the police - not 'threaten' to, but do it.

But obviously he can only do that if he really wants her to stop...

Flip

1 2 3 4 5

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.