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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Relationships

Right then...time to get this biatch to back off

108 replies

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 10:50

Been seeing a guy for 4/5 months.
Before me, he was casually seeing (sleeping with and hanging out but no shared plans or talk of feelings) a woman who is much older than me and was in the process of leaving her husband. It was fizzling out by the time I came on the scene, I know there was an 'overlap' between me and her in the first month, which is fine by me, it was the same situation on my side when I was seeing him (was also casually seeing someone else). Now though:
She left her husband.
He is with me.
I'm pretty sure he isn't messing around on the side as we spend almost every night together.

HOWEVER. She calls and texts him constantly. I never check his phone obviously, I'm not like that, but I can't help if his phone goes off next to me at breakfast and I see its her. He never answers but she keeps at it. Apparently fairly angry messages, trash talking him, begging him to reply,. etc. Three times now she has turned up on his doorstep.

Last night was the first time we spoke about it properly. I feel he should be doing more, he says he has already told her he will call the police if she turns up again, and he doesnt respond to her. I feel clearly in some way he must not be being forceful enough or must be encouraging it. He blocked her number in front of me, but I feel pissed off he hadn't done that already. I'm considering taking action myself. I asked if she knows about me, he said yes. In that case, irrespective of what shes doing to him, she is disrespecting ME, clearly. What would you do? And what do you think about the situation? Any similar experiences?

OP posts:

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jessicame · 11/12/2015 07:33

This reply has been deleted

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Kr1stina · 10/12/2015 22:43

I wonder if this woman is in fact his wife , or at least someone he lived with

celestialgin · 10/12/2015 22:41

No I didn't mean op's age. I'm struggling to understand why op thinks the other woman's age is in any way relevant.

Offred · 10/12/2015 20:35

Tis the confidence that jumps out as misplaced...

Offred · 10/12/2015 20:34

Nowt to do with moral high ground or otherwise IMO. Just only OP's BF's say so that this other woman is; a. An ex, b. Not being encouraged and/or c. Knew the relationship was 'casual' and is now boiling bunnies.

Isetan · 10/12/2015 20:28

I stick to my belief though. Which is that if the person you were seeing decides to embark on a relationship with someone else, that is their right and should be respected irrespective of your hurt. I don't think you can leave a person for another person either.

Really OP, really! Are you seriously going to take the moral high ground after your admission of overlapping relationships.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 10/12/2015 19:08

Biatch left her homeboy ta be wit yo' pimp and now dat schmoooove muthafucka has dumped her n' started seein yo. No wonder she be annoyed. For realz.

PolkaDotMouse · 10/12/2015 17:44

Ha ha! she's disrespecting ME, clearly Has it not occurred to you he is disrespecting you both?!

Not sure why you're so concerned about her, or her age, or the age of people responding to this.

duckwalk · 10/12/2015 17:07

Op, why have you bothered posting? You're not interested in taking anyone's advice, or seeing things from a different perspective.

Grow up!

reni2 · 10/12/2015 16:50

Do you mean OP's age, celestialgin? If so, because she said the negative comments are due to the older demographic of mn.

SirChenjin · 10/12/2015 16:41

Gentleman caller - I'd love one of those!

celestialgin · 10/12/2015 16:41

Why is her age relevant?

reni2 · 10/12/2015 16:40

Love it TotalConfucius- a gentleman caller .

Duckdeamon · 10/12/2015 16:37

Her behaviour wouldn't matter whatsoever if his had been such that you trusted him.

Elendon · 10/12/2015 16:31

Ever heard the phrase all's fair in love and war?

You now own it.

SirChenjin · 10/12/2015 16:29

As an older woman (with 20 plus years experience of watching relationships and being involved in some messy ones myself) I'm pretty sure than Anchor has it spot on.

TotalConfucius · 10/12/2015 15:51

No, you're quite wrong. My sympathy with the lady began when you called her a biatch, used the phrase 'back off' in connection with her, repeatedly hearsay about her personal circumstances, hearsay you heard from a gentleman caller who does not present as the most honest and trustworthy source.

munkynutts · 10/12/2015 15:50

I have to admit that my instinct tells me no person would act like this (the woman) unless there was a fairly high level of emotional attachment involved...

OP posts:

TurnipCake · 10/12/2015 15:48

You're being played like a fiddle.

You have his version of events and nothing more. I'm betting he does indeed reply to her when you're not around.

Either way, he's enjoying the drama of two women fighting for him. Sad.

MySordidCakeSecret · 10/12/2015 15:47

hahaha yes of course op, what do all us old trollops know eh? like we've ever dealt with relationships?!

for the record i have just turned 23, it might be best op to try and scrape back together your dignity (look on the floor) while you're down there grab your standards too and raise them a bit.

This is after all a woman who cheated on her husband and who was planning on leaving him irrespective of the guy I'm currently seeing

Yes yes.. you were cheating on someone too and.. oh wait so was this >highly desireable< "man" of yours. match made in heaven you lot.

(if you are 21 and this man is divorced himself with 2 kids then you may be my new ndn Waves)

TPel · 10/12/2015 15:21

I'm fairly sure that he won't be your DP in 6 months.

None of you in this drama have covered yourself with glory and I can't see how any sort of deep, lasting, loving relationship can be developed in such circumstances.

Offred · 10/12/2015 15:20

And no-one knows the ages involved in your little mess. You could be 18 and the older woman 25 or 35 and the older woman 50... MN is full of people of all different ages too.

You are just grasping for reasons to dismiss concerns about him which came from you in the first place.

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goodnightdarthvader1 · 10/12/2015 15:17

Women who focus on the other woman and completely ignore the bad behaviour of their boyfriends are silly and immature. You think the problem is her. It's not.

Offred · 10/12/2015 15:12

You are deluded.

I've not commented on her because she is nothing to do with you. She is not your BF.

You don't know what he told her then or what he is telling her now. You only know what he has told you about her and him and his relationship with her.

You came here because his actions didn't match up with what he is trying to tell you but you still state all the crap he has told you as though it is fact even though it doesn't make sense.

But carry on if you like the drama! Focus on her, having pity for her or feeling she is some kind of demon if you like! It'll be mighty convenient for him not to be the focus of your scrutiny!

Jan45 · 10/12/2015 15:09

I like how you say he was casually shagging her - how do you know he's not doing the same with you.

You are rolling up your sleeves to go fighting with a woman you know nothing about and you've been with him for 4-5 months, he must be loving all the attention.

Ironic also that you criticise her for seeing your bf whilst still married but he was also happy to see a married woman - yeah double standards you say.

Jesus, how blinded by love are you.

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