Worried about my 19year old daughter

[Offtoaeethewizard]

Please don't judge me as I am at my wits end and really need some advice. I feel too embarrassed to talk to any friends or family about the situation and despite scouring the internet I cannot find anywhere else to turn to for help.

My daughter is away at university and last weekend I used a computer in the house that has her Facebook messenger logged into it, I didn't know at the time. Whilst doing my online shopping on the top right hand corner she started having a conversation with one of her friends. I probably should have turned away or logged out but I didn't and what I read has caused me unbelievable stress. I could only see one side of the conversation (not hers) but I learnt that since losing her virginity last summer she has had full penetrative sex with 8 partners. She has never had a boyfriend and all of the encounters have been casual one night stands.

I understand in this day and age of sexual freedom and liberation people of her age are more casual about sex than I ever was and from what I have ready online the consensus of some is that if she is willing, single and not hurting anyone then why shouldn't she. I am no prude nor stuck in the dark ages but in truth I am honestly horrified and very concerned for her mental and physical wellbeing.

Her first sexual experience was with a boy that she was extremely fond of and had been extremely close to for a few years, though they never went out; without going into detail he hurt her very badly by wining her trust then afterwards told her that he had slept with her for a bet. I am very concerned that she is so damaged by this bad experience that she has gone off the rails and has such low self esteem that the attention she gets during these encounters is a quick fix for feeling wanted.

I would be grateful for any constructive comments on how to handle this situation. Should I tell her what I read and talk to her when she comes home? Should I arrange some counselling for her? Should I try to delete it from my mind and hope that she is using precautions and getting tested? I really don't know what to do for the best and don't want to talk to my husband about it as he doesn't understand emotional issues and I don't trust that he wouldn't refer to it in the future when, hopefully, she finds a different path.

Thank you in advance

I must be such a prude but I never went to Uni.
I'm nearing 50 and only had 8 partners in my whole life!
What have I missed out on??

I don't envy anyone having 4 ONS a week, no matter their age.

I don't feel I've missed out on anything, 9 times out of 10 ONS are crap anyway, usually the result of too much alcohol.

I understand your concern but you can't admit to having read things that you shouldn't have read.

Interesting statistic Jan - what survey was that from?

Oh jeez this has nothing to do with you i get you are worried about her but we have all had that 1 male who hurt us and our parents didnt know. who your dd has sex with is her bussinesss and you really should have put the message off when you logged on let her talk this kinda stuff through with her friends.

I slept with a lot of people when I was at uni. It wasn't until my 30s I realised it messed me up quite a lot, actually.

Just saying.

I slept with quite a lot of people at university.
I am in my 40's now, it didn't mess me up at all.
Just saying

So all of this came out in one fb conversation that you could only read one side of?
And it wasn't even her side?
Struggling to.imagine how all that was conveyed.

Butt out. It's NOYB. You will damage your rs.

I wish I had slept with more people at uni.

Don't mention it and mind your own business. I would be beyond furious if my mother read my private messages! It is a gross invasion of her privacy and it is downright nosey. You had no right to do that.

I do understand why you are worried but you are judging her by your own standards and she is not you. If she is making mistakes, they are hers to make. Be there if she wants you, but don't interfere.

So 8 ONS in over a year? That's hardly rampant!

Don't snoop again and have the sense to keep your mouth shut about what you read. Enjoying no strings sex is not something you need counselling for.

SmallLegs when FB is logged in, you can read both sides of every conversation she's ever had (unless she has deleted some)

Oh god I slept with loads of boys at university and took a boat load of drugs!

I didn't get an STD, an unplanned pregnancy or fall into the wrong crowd and end up with a snack habit.

I had a bloody great time though!

Married with a mortgage and two kids now.

I had one boyfriend for most of university. Bloody stupid, and did nothing either for my happiness or my self-confidence.

If you had a son at university would you have the same concerns ???

SmallLegswhen FB is logged in, you can read both sides of every conversation she's ever had

That's a lot of prying and very far from the O accidentally saw a conversation made out in the op.

Notice the op is absent too. Perhaps she's catching up on all her dds whatsapp messages now.

Jan I know the OP is just trying to do the best by her daughter but I think getting so worked up about it and on the verge of booking counselling isn't going to help. The reason I'm not massively concerned is that this was normal behaviour for a lot of the girls I went to uni with. I'm not someone who's ever been promiscuous, didn't lose my virginity till my 20s, only ever had sex in relationships etc. (so the bust-up with my mum was nothing to do with promiscuity) so I'm not coming from that perspective. I do think she needs to speak to her DD but when she's calmed down and can be a bit more rational about it.

That's a lot of prying and very far from the O accidentally saw a conversation made out in the op.
Sadly the OP is clearly lying. You don't just see one side of a conversation and you don't gain that much information from a snippet of one-sided conversation. There was nothing accidental about this, she took advantage of the opportunity to have a good old nose.