help....i'm cold

[coldasicenow]

i'm 70 now, and feel the cold.
*every single winter the arguments begin, sometimes escalating to almost walking out....but got nowhere to go....
*my (d)h doesn't feel the cold, shorts t shirts all year round.
*He hates it when I turn the heating on/up.
last night I was cold.
*he saw me turning the heating on, and a massive row ensured.
*I told him for years he has had numerous medical ailments, which I supported/cared/discussed/hospital appointments/gp's and so on, always being kind and sympathetic.
*But, when I am cold, he hits the roof, he says "you are always cold, blah blah blah"
*I hardly slept last night, as we aren't talking , the argument spinning round my headhe won't accept I feel the cold.
*I don't want to spend the rest of my life like this.
*I tried ignoring him, but he "creeps" to where the thermostat is, and "secretly" turns it down then I feel cold again.
*what can I do, every year it's the same?

yes, it is miserable knowing that as soon as it becomes cold the arguments will begin.
I wear thick woolly socks/thick jumpers/ but ...gloves....I don't think so.
it was mentioned re a previous thread, but it wouldn't surprise me, as I have a friend with a similar experience to mine.
he doesn't "jokingly laugh" at me, more a scornful confrontational look.
every year the same.
it'll stop now.

What about a portable heater...? could you plug this in near you to blow warm air to make you warmer?

If I get cold especially in the evening then I stay cold and it's horrible. On the other hand when I get up in the morning and have my shower, with the heating and the bedroom lights on I can get really hot, which I also hate, so I can see it from both sides.

However the difference is, in the mornings I 'am allowed' to open a window and in the evenings I may snuggle under a blanket or put the fire on because I 'am allowed' I also have a huge TV with sky in my bedroom as I love nothing more than snuggling down to watch my favorite programs undisturbed.

My DH may whinge from time to time that the heating has been adjusted which is why we now have a HIVE system but he wouldn't want anyone to be uncomfortable and understands that we all have different needs.

time to see his true colours, as long as his needs are being met, all is fine.
but....from right now...my needs will be met...he won't know what's hit him....

He won't improve, and you'll stay cold.
And there's more to this than the thermostat, that's quite clear.

It's time to make some changes and look for sources of help.

Please don't wait. I know of a lady in her 80s trying to get away from an awful husband. She is contending with surgeries and disabilities now, and is dependent on a man who disregards her needs and is cruel to her. She in a worse position than she would have been 10 years ago (though her friends are trying to help her).

coldasice I think you need to re-name yourself awomanscorned

Glad you've found some resolve. Get advice and, now you've got the issues clear in your head, talk to your friends.

I like your fighting spirit, cold :)

Time to speak honestly with DD, and perhaps those friends he keeps away?

Yes, enough now.
Such a miserable atmosphere here.
Just want a bit of calm,warmth and comfort in my life.
He hasn't,t spoken to anyone at all today, doesn't,t worry him at all.
He he finally the misery his father was.
Yet if you met him outside you would think what a lovely man he is,so nice to old ladies/puppies/toddlers/shop staff, but get behind that door....a totally miserable unkind nasty name calling selfish pig.
I would hate to be in his head, not a inch of kindness....ha...

Oh i'm so excited to think of you living somewhere warm and comfortable without the goblin in shorts

You go girl

There was an expression used about someone like him the other day - it was something like 'fire devil' or 'hearth devil' - can anyone remember? It was just that - a person who was a nightmare to live with but fine with everyone else.

fireside devil

Good to see you find your anger OP.

Being cosy and warm is a fundamental human right imo.

"wish someone would just pick me up and take me away."

You've found them, cold -- it's you. No-one else can do this for you. But you can!

Go for it.

Yes, that's right, AF. It's very apt.

Im always cold. I wear gloves outside most months! Usually except may. May tends to be warm enough. In winter i wear two pairs of socks and up to three pairs of gloves. I own a lot of fleece. My hands and feet go numb in the cold. My fingers and toes used to go white. I wear vest, pjs, bedsocks all year round for bed and my dh will sleep naked with just a sheet where as im under the sheet, quilt, blanket and hot water bottle. Being too cold means i cant grip things properly. If someone was to tell me i couldnt have the heating on, especially someone who is supposed to love me, despite me being in layers, bedsocks, warm clothes etc, id be telling them to fuck right off.

This man sounds like a bully generally, not just about the heating. Can you not go to live near your daughter?

Fireside? What fireside?

He's just a devil, plain and simple.

Cold, have you heard of the Freedom Programme? Do take a look, go along to the group

My mom describes people like him who are charm personified to the outside world but miserable at home as "an angel out, a fireside devil in".

OP, I feel for you, being cold is such a miserable feeling. The house is your house, too. If you want the heating on, it will be on. Please talk to your daughter and those friends he wants to keep you away from. You must make a move - and before real winter arrives!

cold, the man is an arse and you deserve better.

For now though, if your thermostat is a twiddly dial one, could you pry off the dial with your fingers and replace it but slightly clockwise, so, say, 20° actually looks like 15° iyswim?
I accidentally did that once.

Not that you should have to, of course.
You're right that a loving partner should care if you're unhappy or uncomfortable.

The word that's repeated time and stein on this thread is " miserable". Don't let him make your life a misery any more op

No relationship advice OP, but while you sort that out, having been poor in a cold climate, I recommend thermal underwear, a woolly hat and, if it is really bad there is nothing better than a hot water bottle on your lap.

However, I really hope you manage to sort out your relationship.

Theres still no context.

See I would boil at the 72°F\22°C quoted above and looked very scornfully at anyone who turned my thermostat up that high. It's also higher than government recommended room temperature of 18-21°C. Some people would feel cold and turn the heating on at 20.

So it all depends on what the temperature of the house actually is. Which the OP has never said.

Yet mumsnet is blithely telling a woman in her seventies in a very long standing relationship to leave. It is the right advice if the house is at 15°C and the op wants the heating on; very much the wrong advice if the temperature is at 20 and the OP wants the heating on.

In the meantime in an open plan house I would get a halogen heater. Regardless of the house temperature it will be better at giving you that warmed through feeling.

Have you read the thread, toffeelatte? There's much more to this than a thermostat. Her husband is mean to her and her daughter.

Yeah I've read it. But behaviour is understood in context. The main context (how hot/cold is the house) is missing.

The context is abuse.