Twatty things my ex says

[Andrise]

A number of us have posted on the cheating thread. So much pain there you can almost touch it. I think it is incredible that we all have somewhere to express our pain and share with people who understand, but for anyone who is feeling sad tonight I thought i'd start a lighter thread where we can all laugh at our exes instead.

I'll start off with this gem from my ExH who loves a pompous phrase. He texted me tonight talking about a trip he has arranged for the children on Sunday:

"I have bought tickets for DC1 and DC2 so please manage their expectations" a real gem of 1980s management speak which dates him beautifully!

Oh. All these after we had been split for years.

nodrama maybe they have a book of phrases for wankers

"you can't take my chiiiiiiilllllllldren away from meeeeeee"
"It's for 10 days FFS, are you never going to take them on holiday then? "
5 weeks later he announced he was going to the US for 6 weeks. With his girlfriend.

"if I'm happy, they'll be happy"
Nope, not if they hate your insane GF and her awful children keep them awake all night they won't be...

I've more

Exh still insists on telling me what to do three years after he left, including where I should live and what job I should do.

His texts are so formal it is as if he is writing to his solicitor. You would swear he had swallowed a dictionary.

My ex graciously informed me yesterday that he 'thinks he trusts me enough' to make a decision about which primarily schools I should apply to for DD. Right matey. Thanks. Not bothered enough to look round the schools with me though are you?

My ex didn't have the kids this summer because THEY were too vague about their dates.

Lucky for him his wife was more organised and took him off to Europe for a couple of weeks.

My ex has only stepped into my kids school once in over a decade.

I left my ex very early into my pregnancy as I finally realised what an evil man he really was. I didn't even know I was pregnant (never even crossed my mind) until he asked me if I had my period yet (way back then I didn't track my cycle). When I said no he declared that I was pregnant because I should have started it on such and such a date as he always knew when I was due (turned out he tracked my menstrual cycle and always had!). I bought a test and it turned out that I was indeed pregnant. He was so smug about being right and announced that if it was a boy we're going to call it (a certain name he had chosen).
It gave me the strength to finally leave him.
Throughout the pregnancy he was just horrific to me. I let him come to the scans, some of which he didn't bother to turn up for and eventually I went nc apart from letters (in the days before all this wonderful modern technology!) for the sake of my own mental health.
I had decided that I didn't want him at the birth as I realised that it would be too traumatic for me and he wrote me a letter that I still have to this day almost 20 years later full of stuff about him, how my pregnancy affected him, what I was to do in the future regarding the baby and him, him, him, him ( you get the idea).
The phrase he used in the letter regarding the birth and the fact that i had decided not to have him there that stuck with me was
"I want to be involved in all facets of the pregnancy"

TokenGinger jeeeeezuz! Horrific!

I wanna play lol

'I made him cheat' i only gave up nursing career to support him due to his ill health, he left me once he recovered

Other one was catching him out during access about leaving our DS with his evil mother to go to the pub

'Well i was just popping in to see my friends and didn't think it would be apprioate to bring DS' - no mate it's not approiate nor is it apprioate to divide your access time to go drinking in a pub wait and do it in your own time.

'We are having an engagement party but its when i have DS can he come for a few hours but you can pick him but other kids will be staying the full night'

Yeah il explain to our DS how he now has to leave the party after hes had his photos taken with his dad but other children get to stay and he has to leave.

My exh couldn't see that there was anything wrong with him cheating as, in his words, 'All married men would cheat if they had the chance' and he was 'just lucky that he met someone to cheat on me with'.

Another corker from the same ex.
"I slept with her (the OW) because we have so much sex, well you got me used to it".

So it's my fault he cheated. That explains everything.

The corker this week from xh over Dd self-harming, "she's only doing it to manipulate me and get her own way". Yeah, that's right. Of course. Fucking idiot.