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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Am I right in thinking he's being a dick???

91 replies

slightlyinsane · 02/12/2015 16:39

I've posted a couple of times recently about h's behaviour and read lots of things that I'm getting confused with things, questioning lots of stuff but not completely sure I'm right.
Can you help me get this straight in my head before I take the appropriate action to deal with it.
The other day I needed to take a dc to a party, h asked me to change another dc before I went. I agreed and asked him to move the xmas present out of the car while I did it.
The next day he takes dc's out and when he gets there I get a text thanking me for the fact he didn't have a coat because I'd made such a fuss over him taking the present out the day before he now didn't have a coat.
My initial reaction was wtf grow up and take responsibility for your own actions (I didn't make him take coat out of car ) . Apparently I was in the wrong.
I didnt get the opportunity to address this with him till the next day. He claims I am paranoid and read into things the wrong way, he was joking. I know he wasn't and 1 of the dc's told me he'd been cross when he realised he had no coat.
I know it's a trivial matter but there's a pattern of him blaming me for everything and refusing to see/accept any responsibility for his actions.
I've tried to talk to him today and the new one of me being paranoid has come up, we've had to pause as dc's home and needed running around.
I intend to press play again on this tonight, no doubt he'll moan about me dragging things out and trying to pick a fight.
Am I right in thinking he's being a dick and start taking responsibility for his behaviour/actions or am I just trying to pick a fight???

OP posts:

Original poster

slightlyinsane · 14/12/2015 20:27

I'm pretty numb at the moment not really sure what to think

OP posts:

Original poster

slightlyinsane · 16/12/2015 08:40

Wow he's a piece of work. Tried to talk to him last night, it did not end well.
He tries to do some serious head fuckery, apparently I'm the root cause of all our problems, he refused to answer any questions and had nothing absolutely nothing to say about any of it.

OP posts:

petalsandstars · 16/12/2015 12:46

He'll not be bothered by leaving then. Why would you want to be with the cause of all the problems after all.

mix56 · 16/12/2015 14:58

OK, he sends a text saying he wants out, then won't do anything, or talk about it, but it's all your fault... How does he imagine the future?
Is he planning on living a cold war, or actually putting his announcement into reality?
Ot when he decided to stop sulking is he expecting it to get back to normal ?
this unrest can't just simmer indefinitely.

Jux · 16/12/2015 20:01

Ah, yes. One of my friends has been having the same sort of discussiosn with her p. Everything is her fault apparently. She kicked him out a few weeks ago. Now he's saying that maybe one or two things may be down to him a bit, only a bit mind. She really loves him and misses him desperately and badly wants him back, but she has said that now way is he getting back in for some time. I really want to believe her, and hope hope hope that's what happens.

So, yours hasn't even got that far. He may buck up his ideas a bit when he finds himself living in a room in a shared house. Sooner the better.

Original poster

slightlyinsane · 17/12/2015 21:13

I've spent the past couple of days walking around the house calling him every name I can think of and then some. I need to keep reminding myself it's not me its him. I'm beginning to think he believes this will all blow over, I'll apologise and carry on as usual. Fucktard

OP posts:

ScreamingNotWaving · 17/12/2015 23:33

Just want to say, keep on going.

He'll never take any responsibility for anything, you need to keep yourself ready for fucktardery at all times.

mix56 · 18/12/2015 07:57

insane (not), please reread this post when you wobble. He is being a very nasty piece of work. what's more, there is absolutely no dialogue to try & talk this out. How do you fix it if he won't talk ?
What the actually fuck is he still doing there?
Organising his next move probably, putting out feelers for alternative accommodation, or for his lawyer to prepare papers ? Be ready for this.

Original poster

slightlyinsane · 20/12/2015 11:28

I don't know if I can do this anymore. He told me he doesn't know what he wants to do, threw loads of really unpleasant stuff at me and followed it up with the threat of taking the kids off me if we split, saying he'd do whatever it took to keep them. I look like I've been punched today, huge puffy eyes from crying myself to sleep. So bloody worn down by it all

OP posts:

Cautlyn8795 · 20/12/2015 11:38

My oh does this! He blames me or everything, if he cant find something its my failt, if he cant do something its my fault! He kicked off the other day because he couldn't pack a daybag for our daughter as he didnt know where things were! How is that fair! I told him to look or teach himself where things are kept in our house and what he needs to take! Im not his mother too! He should take responsibility for himself definitely!

DoreenLethal · 20/12/2015 11:41

He told me he doesn't know what he wants to do, threw loads of really unpleasant stuff at me and followed it up with the threat of taking the kids off me if we split, saying he'd do whatever it took to keep them.

'Ha ha ha - bearing in mind you can't even remember your own coat that's not likely to last more than an hour. You do make me laugh.'

Lweji · 20/12/2015 11:46

This is a horrible period, particularly with an abusive partner.
So, have a big hug.

As others have said, don't get caught up in his threats. He is only trying to hurt you. If you offered full custody on a plate he'd back off immediately. Even if you insist on 50-50 I bet it will somehow get reduced.

HeartsTrumpDiamonds · 20/12/2015 11:54

There is no way he would "get" the kids. No way. and if he has no money how will he pay for his solicitor

petalsandstars · 20/12/2015 11:58

Try not to let him get to you

mix56 · 20/12/2015 13:14

Yes, as much as it is terrifying. he has no grounds whatsoever "for taking the kids off you". its all threats & alpha male.
So the best reply, is "nothing". go & see a solicitor asap. keep your plans to yourself until you are ready.
it is done now, there is no "fixing" this. his vitriol & need to hurt shows how much love is left.

Jux · 20/12/2015 13:44

Be strong, slightly, you can do it. It is there inside you, and you can do it. He is trying to wear you down, and will pull lots of stunts, he won't care how much he hurts you, or how much he hurts the children either, so long as you get back in your box. DO NOT GET BACK IN YOUR BOX!!!!!!! You can do it, freedom and happiness are a step away. Keep your eyes on that. You'll get there.

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