Totally confused, trembling terrified.

[brokencrayons]

Please help. I'm trying to process just what's happened. I'm 41weeks 2 days pregnant, had a sweep today. Feeling awful and weepy and a bit stressed out. My husband and I just had an argument tonight that ended with me trying to stop him from, I don't know? He just came at me! Slammed his hand on the table and lunged towards me screaming that I was a lazy bitch, So I grabbed his arms to stop him from coming closer, but he kept pushing forward, driving me back to the other side of the room. So I tried to snap him/shock him out of it and slapped his face. he was trying to throw his weight around it was horrible, I got rag dolled about a bit as I tried to push past him, i thought i was going to fall back. he kept pushing me backwards and then he was like knocking my face about but gently enough, not like a full punch it slap? I finally got past him but was shaking so much I couldn't actually walk? Then he starts saying how pathetic I was " oooh are you shaking now? Going to have a miscarriage?" Then starts to say that Im a husband beater and that im a phsyco. And that he has proof I attacked him as he has red marks on his arm from where I was trying to push him back. I feel like he is trying to turn this around on me and if I tell my mum or dad he will just show them his marks on his arms and he said they'll see what a maniac I am. I'm so fucking confused, upset, worried, alone. This is out if character, completely. He is usually so caring and nice. We have children together and have been married 5 years. I could literally give birth any day now and I don't know what to do? Did I attack him? I don't even know?

If anyone should leave the house now, it should be your abusive H and not you people. You are married to this man and so have legal rights in law; you need to be brave and get this person out of your day to day lives. How can you be helped into leaving your abuser?.

You have a choice re this man, they do not. Do not further stay with your abuser because of the children and or not wanting to uproot them further, they won't say "thanks mum" to you for doing that. They could well go onto wonder why you put him before them. Their home is not a sanctuary for them either.

What do you want your children, your most precious of resource, to remember about their childhoods?. They have all seen you as their mother being abused by their father; this impacts them all markedly. All of them are picking up on all the vibes, both spoken and unspoken here, to varying degrees between you and their dad.

What are they learning about relationships here and what do you want to teach them about relationships?. You would not want this sort of relationship for them as adults and its not good enough for you either. Sound travels too and they hear and see far more than you perhaps realise.

He won't change but you have the power here to change things for the better for you and your kids. Until you yourself say no more you will still feel stuck and sad and in turn so will your children. They are also on some level terrified of him and likely try and control their behaviour like you have done. He remains volatile and you all remain at risk.

It may be more disruptive to their lives letting him stay, than kicking him out. You can do it, are you financially independent etc? Go onto ‘ entitledto.co.uk ‘ put in your sole details and it tells you what your entitled to etc! So you can get a rough idea xxx

@Cinders1234

It may be more disruptive to their lives letting him stay, than kicking him out. You can do it, are you financially independent etc? Go onto ‘ entitledto.co.uk ‘ put in your sole details and it tells you what your entitled to etc! So you can get a rough idea xxx

I am 100% reliant on him. I am unemployed, I don’t drive. I have nothing. I want to be independent so much. I feel like a total failure as an adult right now.

Please, please get out while you still can

That is absolutely unacceptable behavior towards you, especially whilst pregnant. He is twisted to joke about miscarriage too. I've had to witness my sister put up with an abusive husband for years and I've also witnessed the damage it has on their kids, absolutely heartbreaking. Please think about your new baby and for their sake find the strength to leave that disgusting pathetic excuse of a man. Have you got parents/siblings/close friends that can help you get away from him, being so close to giving birth this is the last thing you should be dealing with but you cannot let him get away with it.

Your youngest is now at school, look for a part time job, it will give you the confidence and strength to go alone, as pp said you can get benefits too.

@seensome

Your youngest is now at school, look for a part time job, it will give you the confidence and strength to go alone, as pp said you can get benefits too.

I am looking and applying every day since lockdown. There’s nothing. Couldn’t even get an interview at Asda. I just checked the benefits I’m entitled to and it’s given me a bit of hope

You will not manage to be independent as long as you are with him - he will actively be preventing that from happening.

Stop putting all your energy in running your self down and start directing it towards leaving.

Tell your family and get yourself and your kids away from this abusive environment.

No one else can make that happen except you. Your kids can leave when they get to 18 and be free but they will never be free of the childhood they spent living in an abusive home.

Glad you checked the benefits page, he will also have to give you maintenance forget. The application can take 5/6 weeks to sort out so you could apply now and get the ball rolling? Gives you 5 weeks to sort something xxx

OP at he atmosphere your children are living in with be far more disruptive and damaging than you leaving. You know this.

You can start again with nothing, I’ve just done it. Reach out to a family member. I’m living in a rented house with a bunk bed I share with my kids and not much else but we’re so happy. The atmosphere is light, we laugh so much together. All of the other things will come in time, I know in a year it will be furnished and we’ll all be ok.

You’re entitled to benefits, is your house mortgaged? You will be entitled to a share of the equity and child maintenance.

I’m not saying things won’t be tight but you will survive, and you will be so much happier. Please don’t come back in another five years to say you’re still in the same situation. Your children deserve better. You deserve better

So sorry you are in this position. I suggest pack a bag , know where your passport and important docs are, some kids clothes and for you and, and make a plan so if this happens again you can and will leave. Ring one friend or parent so its not a surprise if you turn up, or think about a place you can stay. When he is calm, I suggest letting him know you will leave if this happens again, not forever necessarily but for a while.... weeks. Boundary setting in relationships is right. sending a hug. x

Sorry op, this happened to me, my ex attached me for the first time when I was 8 months pregnant. Domestic abuse is more likely to happen when a woman is pregnant or looking after a young baby.

Don’t give up Broken, keep reading these threads, all of them about abuse, slowly you will see it’s not you - it’s him.
Have a look at the Freedom programme. - you can do it online.
Download for free Lundy Bancroft - why does he do that.
Last time you posted you said you wanted to learn to drive - what stopped you?
Have you told anyone in your family about the abuse - I didn’t for ages as I felt shame - it eventually dawned on me it wasn’t MY shame - I have nothing to be ashamed for - it doesn’t matter if you are dancing naked in the street - he has NO RIGHT TO ASSAULT YOU -
If a man in the street assaulted you - we would report it and get them arrested.
It’s not on - I ended up reporting mine to the police - he wouldn’t leave and I knew he’d keep coming back - I had some marks and he was charged with common assault and a restraining order given.
Can you tell anyone you trust re this - I told my counsellor first and then my GP.
Who’s idea was it to move to an isolated spot - are there buses you can get. Do you have access to monies?
It’s really difficult to think straight - I actually started an anti depressant - I was going through the menopause, whilst with him, I was irritable and my mood was down - it wasn’t just the menopause I was worn down dealing with the emotional crap from him - it helped me to see life clearer and this helped me too.
Do you have friends?
I will also say I was brought up with this crap - maybe you where too?
I didn’t want my son having the same difficulties too - he’s coped very well with it all - he gets the best of me now and see his father every other weekend.
Please keep reading and posting.
💐💐

No one (neither you or your children) deserve to live in this kind of fearful atmosphere. I think you can make a change OP