I'm struggling with DH's hobbies.

[FlameProofBoots]

I will start this by saying dh is usually wonderful, he does lots round the house and is a fantastic father. I'm not working currently due to MH issues and he works full time.

He does a martial art two nights a week, and has an extra practice session with his brother on a third night. He is also in a band and at this time of year has a gig once a week. So that's four nights every week that he's either out of the house or unavailable.

Ds2 is four and will not settle in bed for me, but will settle happily for dh. I know it's not ideal but it's how it is for now. So for four nights a week he is either up until dh is home or asleep on me, meaning I can't easily get up without disturbing him.

I feel like I want to ask dh to be out fewer nights. But I don't know if I'm just being pathetic. I'm exhausted today as Ds doesn't have preschool on a Monday so it's been a full on day. I'm currently lying in bed with him in the vain hope he'll give in and go to sleep, dh is downstairs practising. I could cry.

I don't know if I'm just being pathetic about this and it's my problem.

I suppose I'm just wondering how many nights is normal to devote to hobbies outside the family?

I feel like because he's so good and involved the rest of the time I should just suck it up. Especially when I have free time to myself for three whole days every week. Should I just man up?

It may help if you can keep the house as quiet and calm as possible. My two appear to have about the same age gap as yours and I know that my DS2 was easier to settle if his older brother wasn't racketing about the house or doing something DS1 would want to be involved in (like legos or TV). I'd try to get DS1 involved in something 'quiet' (usually his homework).

It may also help, if DS has been going to bed late-ish, to start the new routine closer to when he's been falling asleep, then gradually make it earlier.

As a matter of interest OP! what time is your 11 yr old going to bed ? Are there anymore children in between dd11 and ds4. ? Did your daughter have any problem going to sleep. What was your routine when she was younger ?

Dd goes to bed at 9pm, ds1 is 13 and goes at 9.30, later at weekends. They were always in a really good routine of story and bed when they were younger. I don't know why it's all gone wrong with ds2.