Background so as not to drip-feed:
My boyfriend and I are 47.
I have two kid age 6 and 8 from my previous relationship.
He has none.
I have lived on my own for the past 11 years, as the children's father and I never lived together, he'd just stay sporadically for days or weeks at a time as it suited him.
My boyfriend lived with his previous and her then teenage children for 15 years. She did not want more children, he went along with that.
We were both single for 3-4 years each before we met eachother.
We don't live together, but he stays every weekend and we've been on holidays and so forth and he's very much part of my family. My children have called him 'Daddy' since the youngest was about 3.
They know the distinction between my boyfriend and their bio Dad. They haven't seen or spoken to their bio Dad in 4.5 years.
We lost an (unplanned) baby last year to miscarriage. We don't plan on more.
Neither of us have been married before and we both privately rent.
Now to my query: Can I have your honest opinions - do you think he isn't ready to live with me and the children?
I've been given notice on my house, I was supposed to move out last Friday but am negotiating until Christmas. It's looking unlikely though.
Boyfriend and I have lightly discussed living together, but he is adamant he wants it to be a joint decision, not a decision forced by the circumstance of my Notice.
He admits he's scared at prospect of living with someone again, but is prepared to be scared.
I am struggling/indeed underplaying how difficult it is to find myself a next property. In this town, there's about 6 on Rightmove within my budget, and they're all 2 not 3 bedroom, and all in 'bad' areas where I wouldn't feel safe to leave the house unburgled every day.
I've had conversations about this with him, and he reassures me with, 'Well you won't be homeless, you can stay here if you need to'.
Four people in a small one-bed flat is risking our relationship I think. Surely that limited space would exacerbate any stress?
But another time, he's said, 'stay here for a few months and I'll give notice and we'll find somewhere together'.
Then it's radio silence on the subject until I bring it up again.
I'll show him a picture of a great house, and he responds with, 'so you are trying to twist my arm now?' I think he's worried that I'm trying to find us a house right now when I'm not, I was just showing him what is available. But that reply made me shrink.
He also regularly says he'll 'marry me one day' but I don't take it seriously, because it's said in lighthearted conversation. I've not been proposed to and don't have an engagement ring obviously.
Basically I feel very confused. I don't want to 'force' a man to live with me, either because my notice has run out, or because he feels he has to temporarily house me whilst I look for somewhere else.
Yet he sometimes insinuates it's what he wants 
.
I'm even holding back on buying things I need, like a new washing machine, and a new bed, because I think, I'm duplicating household goods if we do end up moving in together, so it would be a waste of money as he already has these items.
Also, getting a new rental costs up to 2.5 thousand in fees/advance/bond etc. If I put that much money down now on a place just for me and the kids, then in 6 months he says he's ready to live together now, I've wasted that money.
My options are to either all go and stay with him in his one bed flat for a few months, and he's said before he'd give notice and find somewhere together (but that contradicts his insistence he doesn't want to do this out of forced circumstance, which is what my Notice is)
Just go ahead and rent a new place for myself and the kids.
3.5 years is a long time together to know if you're ready to progress your relationship or not, isn't it? I'm just confused, and under stress to make a quick decision, as either way I have to move !
What would you advise? Thankyou 