Help - monopoly-playing ex is sleeping in his car. What do I do?

[thinkingmakesitso]

He has taken the dc to his parent's tonight and I strapped ds in while ex went to the loo. There was a thick blanket and a towel on the back seat. Yesterday I realised that he had come here in the day despite my arranging my own child care. Now I know why.

I was too shocked to say anything, but my first instinct is to send him a text saying 'if you are sleeping in your car you had better stay here' but I'm scared if he moves back in he will never leave, or will be seen as primary carer again and I will be the one leaving.

FFS - what do I do? I can't have the dc's father sleeping out in winter, but I am so angry with him for letting this happen. If I do let him back, I will keep paying for childcare despite him being here- will that be enough to prevent his being seen as main carer?

I am reeling - was actually looking forward to some head space this weekend and now it's going to be stomach-churning anxiety all the way.

He
is

not
your
problem.

Do not worry about what he does, where he goes, what he eats, what he drinks, where he sleeps.

Do not allow him back in the house.

In all honesty, how it will look if he is sleeping in his car rather than staying with friends or getting a bedsit or flat of his own, is that he is feckless and certainly incapable of looking after your dc. You don't want him as primary carer right? So, fgs, don't let him back in the house.

He needs to get himself sorted out, and rely on it, he will but not if you step in and give him what he wants.

Sorry but he cant present himself as homeless, he owns a property

. He could make the choice to move back in and legally in the short term you wouldnt be able to stop him.

You can present as homeless if you own a property you don't live in.

No way am I going to shag him!

He just won't be a priority case because he is a single man without disabilities. He will likely be given support to find his own place rather than an actual roof. He can still present as homeless though.

The reason he hasn't sorted anything out is because he can't be bothered.

Basically you need to tell him that if he's sleeping rough, he needs to present himself to the county council housing department at 9.00am Monday morning. They will should put him up in temporary emergency accommodation and then move him to something more long term after a while.

Send him a separate email saying that you understand he might be homeless but he cannot live with you. He can show this email as evidence to gain emergency accommodation.

Also OP lots of people commute 90 minutes each way for work. It's doable. He can stay with his parents if he really wanted to.

Because he knows if he doesn't bother op will bother for him.

Do. Not. Say. Anything.

It is not your problem, in fact it is highly likely to be deliberately designed to manipulate you into rescuing him so he can play the victim.

As there is no legal reason not to live in his property eg court order, he wont be considered homeless.

Yes, he will if it is considered unreasonable for him to live there.

He can present as homeless because he has nowhere to live. He cannot live with his family

m.england.shelter.org.uk/get_advice/homelessness/help_from_the_council_when_homeless/applying_as_homeless

You don't need a court order. It just needs to be unreasonable for you to live there. Relationship breakdowns are common reasons for it being unreasonable.

Legal ownership of/occupation rights over a property are separate issues to eligibility for a declaration of homelessness. Owning a property does not prevent you presenting as homeless if it would be unreasonable for you to live in the property you own. Relationship breakdown is one reason for it being unreasonable.

I agree with the PP who said

DONT SAY ANYTHING

Why do you think you need to persuade him to do anything?

Don't suggest he stays at his mum. Don't even mention the bedding.

He is an adult. Let him sort himself out.

It's nothing to do with you, don't say anything to him. He's not your problem.

Detach. Detach. Detach

He is NOT your problem

Legally he could choose to live in the property. Just because he moved out doesnt change anything. If he moved back in the op could apply for an occupational order.
If he presented himself as homeless its unlikely he would get any assistance other than a list of hotels etc.

Not your circus not your monkeys.

He is well aware that he could go back to his mums. Don't get sucked back in because of his poor decision making.

Possibly best to pretend you haven't noticed. Seeing the throw could be part of a ploy to manipulate you.

You do NOTHING.

Nothing I tell you.

NOTHING.