BIG RELATIONSHIP PROBLEM HELP....

[Annait]

Right here goes.... Along time ago I met my current partner( we where friends first) , and I had a good friend I fancied for years I asked him out and he rejected me coz of my kids so I wrote my anger and upset in my diary, I moved on, and started dating my current partner we moved in together I forgot about the diary and he bloody found it and read it!! Now he's feeling absolutely gutted and second best I keep telling him he's not I went with him because I wanted to not because I had no choice but he just replys I am second best because you asked him out first..... We're engaged and strong, this is just a nightmare situation I can't fix helllllp please?

And yes, your reasons for needing support this year are personal. I'm not suggesting you post them here.

I'm just suggesting you consider the dynamic. Because I'm seeing the possibility that you are a much younger, young, vulnerable woman that he has 'rescued' and feels possessive of - and prepared to read your diary! Bullshit he didn't know what it was. His reaction isn't normal. You're posting that it's a nightmare. You're engaged and have him living with you when you and your kids within a year, and you seem to anticipate him giving you more shit over this.

I'd just keep it right in the forefront of your mind - YOU HAVE DONE NOTHING WRONG. He's allowed to need reassurance (once!) he's not allowed to give you earache.

What did you mean when you said you "handled it all badly" when you got together with him?

He's allowed to have feelings...just like anyone else....They are personal to you and no one can tell you how to feel about anything....you just have to work through them

Someone read my diary once, didn't like what she read (about her) and went off on one. I completely ignored her tantrum, I was extremely anger she had read my diary. Massive violation.

Ignore him. You've said your piece - I do hope part of your piece was that he has massively overstepped boundaries! - and don't feed it. He is entirely in the wrong. Don't pander to this.

I suppose it's quite sensible of him in a way to worry that you got together on the rebound. And I know only too well that, especially when young, one can handle things badly with the best of intentions.

So really, how can you show him that you really love him? Google the languages of love, then see one of the styles fits the way he shows you how he loves you. If it differs from your way, try to do some things using his "love language." Some people like to hear words, others like having little things done for them, and there's more, but it's late.

He shouldn't have read your diary but I can imagine succombing to the temptation myself, I have to admit