Relationship with work colleagues

[WTAFF]

Hello, I'm hoping for some advice. My partner says that I am over-reacting so I would welcome some alternative perspectives.

The situation is that my partner and I work together in the same office but we are keeping our relationship under wraps (this is a whole other story which I won't bore you with).

A new colleague joined our team last year in a fairly junior position. She is fairly blatant about her willingness to sleep with people to get to where she wants to go. As she doesn't know about our relationship, she has said to me that she would sleep with my partner if he would help her get to the next stage career wise.

I have told DP this so he is aware of her intentions. The problem is that, since she has joined the team, DP has been Mr Helpful to her. Now this lady has a fiancée and a father to help her but apparently it has to be my DP who takes her to the garage (40 miles out of her way) to get her car fixed or offers to fix her PC or eBays her unwanted items.

I accept that my DP is a generally helpful person but the issue I've got is that he has done more for this colleague in a year than he has done for the rest of the department (10 people) including me in four years.

I am beginning to feel like a spare part in my own relationship. Yesterday for example, my DP was out in Manchester in a meeting and they were texting each other (about non-work stuff) whilst he was on the train.

When I raise this with DP he tells me that I am over-reacting and jealous. I've taken a couple of days to really think about whether this is true but I don't think it is - I don't have a problem with his other female friends. It's just this relationship which makes me uncomfortable. It just doesn't seem normal.

Am I over-reacting do you think?

No. He doesn't even acknowledge your relationship to his colleagues, do you think this woman knows your are in a relationship with him?

You told him that she was willing to sleep with him and are wondering why he is running after her undoing his trousers as he runs?

I think keeping your relationship under wraps whilst working so closely is impossible.

Your Dp sounds extremely unprofessional as a boss.

I think the stiff he does for her outside of work is odd. Do bosses do that for colleagues?
I'd be tempted to tell the woman, next time she mentions, that you think he has a partner.
Or just tell everyone you're both together? I don't get keeping it secret, unless it's not allowed? Who's idea is it to not say anything ?

What is your relationship? Are you serious? Living together? Presumably not married or with kids or people would know.

Maybe he doesn't see you as his 'partner' but more of a girlfriend?

I agree with all the previous posters. Your DP's conduct is extremely unprofessional and completely disproportionate. You are not over-reacting at all.

Are you quite sure he isn't in a relationship with anyone else and also keeping it under wraps? He sounds incredibly disrespectful.

I think the stiff he does for her outside of work is odd

Great typo.

stuff*

I'd love to hear the whole other story about the history of your relationship.

Your DP sounds very sneaky.
I suspect he's the one urging and encouraging you to 'keep your relationship under wraps for now'.

He doesn't want people to find out about the two of you because he wants to keep his options open.

I don't think he's your 'D' or even your 'P'. It sounds very much like he's sleeping with both of you.

If your industry is one where sleeping one's way up the career ladder is still a possibility I'd be surprised if it's one where work relationships are frowned on. So I'm wondering why you've kept quiet about it, WTAFF - is it at his suggestion? And what do your mutual colleagues say about what's going on?

The extent of the "help" he's been giving her is definitely excessive, so you have every right to be jealous, but you're not over-reacting! IMO your relationship has run its course; you have lots to consider about how to extricate yourself from it without making work intolerable.

I'd look for another job - and another boyfriend.

He's shagging both of you, sorry OP. Get rid.

I am just gobsmacked an office junior basically said she would sleep with anyone to get to the top. How odd!

I met my DH through work.
He was initially my boss and helped me out a lot when I first started working there as I'd just moved to a new area for the job and didn't know anyone.
He helped me find somewhere to live, took in my cat as I was renting a room so couldn't bring puss with me plus lots of other non work support.
He wasn't a serial office Romeo as he'd been single for the previous 7 years bringing up his DC alone so it was genuine and we've been together for 20 years.
However, he was clearly interested in having a relationship with me and I honestly think your DP 'helping her' is probably the same thing unless he helps everyone in the office in the same way.
I'm sure there's plenty of actual evidence if you look for it. Sorry!

Why do you have to keep your relationship under wraps?

I really just wondered whether one or both of you were already attached when it started.

Because if that's the case, you kinda knew what he was like didn't you?

Thanks all. He is the one who wants to keep it a secret. We were both single when we got together. He says that it might harm our career prospects if we tell people.

No children and we don't live together.

It'd harm other prospects too.

So his response to you telling him that she wants to sleep with him, is to go out of his way to pursue her?

And him wanting to keep your relationship a secret for professional purposes, but at the same time doing all these things for her?

Sorry but a decent, loving partner would not be treating you this way.

Anyway, taking this at face value, he could easily nip this in the bud if he wanted to. You know what he's like, you just have to decide what are going to do.

Your partner is being completely disrespectful to you. He is making a bit of a wally of himself I think too - you told him she would be willing to sleep with him now he is running around after her like a lap dog. Maybe point this out to him and see how he reacts.

You are dating someone who doesn't want people to know you are together... That's dodgy to begin with. How do you feel about that? He sounds like either he's your boss or a player. Well, both actually. Which puts him in a big position of power. The other girl is the least of your worries.

How long have you been together and working together? When me and my DH met, it was at work, company relationships were generally frowned upon, so for a while we just kept it to ourselves, but that was a mutual choice. After a couple of months we decided that we weren't bothered about people finding out and just kind of got on with it!

I met my DH at work, there were only 20 of us at the time and we kept it quiet for two months until we were sure. Eight months later we were married.
You are so much better than to be someone's secret OP.