What would you make of this after a date? Male opinions welcome too please!

[whaysyiur]

I had a date on Friday night. We met for drinks in Nottingham and then had dinner afterwards (not planned, just sort of happened).

I was introduced to this guy through a friend at my local gym. We messaged for about a week before meeting up and we had some great conversations. I was excited to meet him.

When we met, we had probably too much to drink in the end, but it was a fun night. BUT, this is why I am unsure...

1. He kissed me on my cheek but didnt try to properly kiss me (I do online dating and 9/10 they try and kiss me, so I feel this was a bad sign)
2. He messaged me about 20 mimutes after we left to say he had a 'fun night'... we then text for another hour
3. I suggested meeting next weekend (never do this usually but really like him) and said we could go to xmas markets as we had talked about them a lot during the date. He said 'ha. well they do look good.' we then talked some more and that was that.

I had no phone all day saturday, until this afternoon as I got a new one that I traded in yesteday morning (he knew this). So if I hear from him it will be this afternoon.

How should I approach this if he does contact again? I dont understand why he would talk so much but not arrange another date, respond well when i suggest another weekend, or even try and kiss me....

we're both early 30s if that makes any difference!

You know something happenned this mornign and I thought of you OP.

I got a text from a guy I'd been on one date with back at the start of August. Reasonably ok date, would have liked a second one. Never heard from hom again and forgot about it.

Sends me a text today that was flirty and to cut a very long story short it turned out he had been very interested, he'd just got a vibe that I wasn't so he'd not called or messaged. I was genuinely suprised and so was he.

My point (not going to go out with him!) but my point is that men / women / humans vary in their ability to effectively communicate. If I genuinely liked a guy and wnated to see him again I'd be tempted to just ask him out.

If he likes you he will be delighted

If he doesn't he will make an excuse

Either way you will know and won't miss a potential chance.

Not sure how old you are but I'm dating in the 30 - 40 range and find some of them are absolutely DREADFUL at communicating openly and a small percentage of them fit the package of expectations we are set up with by society.

I think it's quite scary for men dating; so much rejection; and I also think quite scary for su with so many players that often times everyone is playing the defensive game and in the end no one wins!

You've turned this into a game that he can't win. It might not be intentional - you keep saying you're not usually like this, but nobody is with guys that they don't really care about, it's always the ones that get under your skin- but it is what it is.

Before the date, you were just texting. I imagine you text him sometimes and he text you sometimes and nobody was thinking that much into it, unless one of you suddenly disappeared.

Now you are anxiously trudging over a date suggestion that it seems like he responded to normally, a kiss because it was on the cheek when that's quite common on first dates, and his lack of text when you haven't text him either.

Send him a text, ask if he's had a good day. Tell him your new phone is awesome. Just say hi. Do whatever you would have done before. Put your phone down, get on with life, redirect your thoughts to work/exercise/crap on TV/friends whenever he pops up.

If you change the rules now, everyone loses. Don't make it into a game. Just stop overthinking it and let it be. It sounds like it went well.

jackanora So this guy can text you now, but couldn't in August? Why would that be? Has he suddenly had counselling for shyness?

Probably because he wasn't single then or had his eye on someone else.

Yes, I am an old cynic.

Kerbs

No, he's texted before...just a "how are you" type of thing. I had absolutely no idea he wnated a second date as he'd never asked. I didn't hear from him for two weeks and when I did it was casual friend stuff.

Not going to go out with him, I am with someone else, but I just was making the point that sometimes people don;t show what they want and both parties can be nervous, shy or testing.

And honestly, I do think men can be just as insecure as women...we forget that at times

Thanks for replies and advice! He messaged and we are going out on Thursday. Not to Xmas markets just for dinner !

OP, smashing, I bet you're glad you waited.

This really cheered me up! great news OP!

Thanks! You're all so lovely! Will keep you updated!

Oh I can't wait to hear how it goes!

Excellent news!

I think we are conditioned in some ways to expect certain behaviors but people truly are all diferrent.

Let us know how it goes!

Well done, I hope you both have a great time squee ahem.

I love a thread with a happy ending!

See....? Told ya so, didn't we?

Have a super night out!

Likewise! :-)

I've just squealed a bit!

Yippee!!! Am so pleased :)

Ha ha on "man things" to the lady who asked..: I'm not sure what "man things" are really it ranges with my DP from looking at boats, cars, fruit farm on his phone to sorting out a drawer... Once he confessed to watching Eastenders in this "man time" as i always said it was the biggest load of rubbish during the time we were dating.. :) took him months to confess before he used to say he only "knew" what was happening as his local Chinese had a TV guide he read whilst waiting :) generally I believe it to be eating and leaving hair everywhere :D

Good luck OP am generally very happy for you :)

How was your date OP? 24 hours is too long to wait to update us

She's obviously run away, abroad to a distant shore with him then:!

Justaboy, so it seems! I got all excited then when I got a notification! Come on OP, put us out of our misery

I like the sound of him, acting like a gentleman. Don't rush things. Just enjoy. Btw, markets are not usually everyone's idea of fun. He is being respectful.