What would you make of this after a date? Male opinions welcome too please!

[whaysyiur]

I had a date on Friday night. We met for drinks in Nottingham and then had dinner afterwards (not planned, just sort of happened).

I was introduced to this guy through a friend at my local gym. We messaged for about a week before meeting up and we had some great conversations. I was excited to meet him.

When we met, we had probably too much to drink in the end, but it was a fun night. BUT, this is why I am unsure...

1. He kissed me on my cheek but didnt try to properly kiss me (I do online dating and 9/10 they try and kiss me, so I feel this was a bad sign)
2. He messaged me about 20 mimutes after we left to say he had a 'fun night'... we then text for another hour
3. I suggested meeting next weekend (never do this usually but really like him) and said we could go to xmas markets as we had talked about them a lot during the date. He said 'ha. well they do look good.' we then talked some more and that was that.

I had no phone all day saturday, until this afternoon as I got a new one that I traded in yesteday morning (he knew this). So if I hear from him it will be this afternoon.

How should I approach this if he does contact again? I dont understand why he would talk so much but not arrange another date, respond well when i suggest another weekend, or even try and kiss me....

we're both early 30s if that makes any difference!

Don't worry about it, it sounds like it went really well. Text him to tell him you've got your new phone, and go from there just chat or ask him where he's taking you next time or suggest something. You really haven't got a problem here to be asking about yet!

Please don't contact him, he knows you're keen, if he's interested you will hear from him.

He can get your number from the joint friend if he's lost it.

I think if you've suggested the markets then you should get in touch with him about it.

I've been on lots of OD first dates and no one has tried to kiss me. Second date oh yes :-) you are agonising too much. Leave it until Wednesday and then text him to see if he fancies meeting again for a drink or coffee. I'm sure he will text you before that.

I think you're misubderstanding Man time and woman time, it's really early days for him, I'm sure he will contact you, it's just will probably be later today

I wouldn't worry about the kiss, sounds gentlemanly rather than not interested

But don't contact him, if he's interested he will contact you

If he doesn't he just isn't that into you

I'd far rather a cheek kiss on a first date. Sick of blokes trying to swab my tonsils with their tongue. Ugh.

I agree that shouldn't contact him for a few days at least. Wait and see if you hear from him. You don't want to come across as being too keen.

Thanks, I get what you mean about too keen but I'm not looking to play games... If he's not interested I would rather just know that than spend day waiting and wondering. I won't contact him now until and if he contacts me, I just don't like feeling unsure of his view on the night. I've always felt I knew where I stood after a date. Maybe the fact I don't know here means he's not interested.

Sorry Whay been sleeping :) I think if a man is put off by asking to go to a Christmas market he's possibly not worth it (not like you turned up outside his house in a wedding dress!) like another poster said he mentioned "they do look good" I would love my DP to go to a Christmas market, he replies "if you want" I'd say that if he said "they do look good" get him there quick before it's two years later and it's leaving tissues/glasses and hair everywhere :)

He text you to say he had a nice time, that's his view - he had a nice time!

Just text him if he hasn't text you and you want to hear from him, he might not know you have your phone back and he text you to say he had fun - don't believe in this don't text until XYZ days or until the moon is in the 2am position... You have been texting daily right? So I would think after he has text you that it would be weird not to text him.. He might think your not interested

Bloody texting, made dating a horrible mid field!! I'd go with your instinct, and I hope it goes well for you xx

And if a man is interested in a woman he is not going to be put off by that woman texting him, or suggesting a date after a few days - IMO

OP.

I think kiss on cheek is perfectly fine after the first date. His text to say he had a good time is also lovely. Don't overthink it.

No one wants to be that weirdo who bombards someone with too many texts after a date. Maybe that's him. Relax and see where it goes?

You 'always know where you are after a date'? Lucky you!

It's a long time since I dated but knowing if you were going to get a 2nd date was always a bit unclear- and this was in the days when the internet and mobile phones did not exist, my dear.

The rule then was wait and see if he phoned.

You made an move and suggested the markets. if he likes you he will be in touch to suggest the markets or something else if he likes you but doesn't really like the markets.

All I will say is that you said you had both had a lot to drink. His enthusiasm on the night might have been influenced by that and in the sober cold light of day he may be having 2nd thoughts. Who knows.

You just have to play the waiting game unless you want to phone him but then you will come over as chasing.

I think if he doesn't speak to me today then I'm not going to waste anymore time thinking about it. He's messaged everyday before we met so if meeting him stops the contact even for a day then I guess I know where I stand! Thank you for all replies

I'm male and I met my wife through online dating.

I didn't go for any kiss on first date as I didn't want to seem pushy.

I later found out that she panicked and assumed our second date would be our last cos she turned wrong way and I ended up awkwardly kissing her cheek.

It took till our third date for us to get proper kiss and that was fine for me but by that point she was mega freaking out ( I found out later).

Sometimes you just have to take people at their word. He said he had fun just go with it.

I was late 20's man at time with standard sex drive (I.e sex etc matters to me, but it's not the be all and end all on first date !). Hope that helps and let's hope it works out for you !

bedmonster thanks for your reply. can I ask...what's your opinion on the asking him to the xmas markets and his subsequent (non-committal in my eyes) reply?

I seem to be great at having men liking me when i'm not interested..but the first one i've liked in ages and i've no clue where i stand!

would it have put your off your now wife if she had suggested a second date? (i usually wait and see but i like this guy so much...)

if meeting him stops the contact even for a day then I guess I know where I stand

Are you actually saying that if he does not message you today, but does message you tomorrow with a firm suggestion of a plan for later in the week, you'll say "no thanks, you stopped messaging me for a day so I am no longer interested"?

How about you stop wasting time thinking about it NOW?

The choice is not:
a - thinking about him constantly
b - no longer interested because clearly he is not interested

There is also
c - hoping that something will happen but also getting on with your life

Did you message the guy after you got your phone OP? Maybe he doesn't know you have your new phone yet? Or did I misunderstand?

trills no i don't mean that..i'm not THAT crazy. I will still find it odd that he would message everyday then not the days immediately after a date.

let's go with c.

seeyou he knows my phone was back today. i haven't messaged as i don't want t seem keen after suggesting the xmas markets...

I'd chuck him a quick,
"Got my new phone, its cracking"
He might be waiting for this txt to come through, I would be, or maybe he's thinking the same as you,
"I don't want to txt and seem too keen or clingy"
Then neither txt and you both blame each other and neither of you ever forgive and before you know it you're both single and miserable and hating everything and posting on an online forum blaming each other when all you really need to do is send a single txt........ ahem....
Or not... Lol

To be honest I would think the better of him for not trying to kiss you on the mouth at the first meeting.

That feels too intimate to me with a near stranger, at least one with whom I might develop more than a one-night-stand relationship.

Some people enjoy the slower courtship and a slow development of intimacy. And to be honest, OP, some people have more going on in their lives than their casual social life. He was polite in texting you that he had fun and he may well want to see you again but that doesn't mean he automatically wants to become your instant boyfriend with daily contact and the like from Day One.

Why don't you try thinking of him as a friend, and if a romantic/sexual relationship develops in due time, enjoy it. If you had dinner with a new platonic friend you wouldn't be pitching a fit if he/she didn't phone you the next day to make additional plans, would you? Life your life and see what happens with this man but don't be desperate and petulant and needy. They aren't attractive traits.

See, if I was him pondering this I'd be thinking one of three things also-

1. Not interested, won't contact again.
2. Well it was she that suggested the next date so I guess I'll wait and see if she texts details/confirms. If she doesn't I guess she's not interested and get on with life.
3. I'll text..no, no, wait for HER to text, yes. Definitely. Oh. Hang on, should it be me? Might be expected? But could equally be her. ARGHHH

Theoretically, both of you could be waiting for the other and when nothing transpires, both presume neither is interested. Missed opportunity. You might have had a child that invented teleportation and nobody will have to suffer airports like, EVER again FGS!!!

Give it till Tues. Text along lines of "Still fancy me the xmas markets. Thinking of xyz time on abc day, how does that sound? No worries if not.

lean i know what youre saying, i'm just comparing it to the contact before we had the date... that's why i find it conflicting.

im never desperate with men like this after a date, or even a few dates. this one has just gt under my skin a bit..

I would let him know you have your new phone, then leave it upto him to contact you.