Incest porn, your opinions? [Trigger warning added by MNHQ]

[Advicelost]

This exactly.

I've had past relationships where the partner watched porn, not too often and as part of a healthy sexual relationship.

Now though I'm in a long term relationship with a man who admitted 16 months in to it that he loved incest porn: he watches mum son porn a lot, I have seen. He also wants to role play "with words only", such as pretending he is my father
I am disgusted by this and totally at my wits end.
He assures me it's just during sex: so wouldn't affect our own kids, but really it's just something I'm so confused by.

Do I tell/ask him that it stop forever as it repulses me. Or do I end the relationship. Our relationship has many other issues but I want this one to be discussed first.

Opinions please. Thank you.

(I am in my late twenties, no kids)

Never been deleted before!

Ah, MN at it's best - what is WRONG with you people?

Op - yes, you need to leave this excuse for a man. You say you're at the end of your tether - this alone should be enough to get rid so Lord knows what other shit you're putting up with

get out.

Jesus wept some incredibly harsh blaming responses here.

The op has given no indication that the stuff he is watching is anything other than adult role play even she's only seen the search terms he's using and not clicked on any links or anything.

She's said it repulses her. What more do you want her to feel and do? It's not always as simple as just leave right now.

And aside from that the op has given no indication that she is not intending on dealing with it.

Everybody has to start somewhere sometimes that start is identifying normal.

You must do this now or its your fault responses towards support seeking rarely works and usually has the oppersit result

If he wants you to call him Daddy when you have sex, then in his head he is pretending to fuck his daughter....doesn't this ring enough alarm bells, to run for the hills? Eeew. It's disgusting. And he sounds like a Pedo.

Of course it is not okay at all but I think people need to be a bit careful in their replies when the op admits to a MH issue. People with a healthy mindset can see immediately that this is wrong on many levels. She admits she has no clue what is normal, it's why abused women stay with their abusers. I stayed with my ex who stamped on my face with his foot when I was laying down. I told myself it was okay because he wasn't wearing shoes.

My advice is dump this man and cut all contact, do not date anyone at all until you have had some counselling and are on more of an even keel. This may take many months but work on yourself.

Having seen some of the "titles" on the most popular porn sites in the past, I know how common this is and I can sympathise with you OP.
I don't understand for the life of me how anyone can find this a turn on. I think perhaps people do because it's almost forced upon us(when watching porn that is) it seems to be a really common theme. I'm guessing the industry has tapped into yet another sick way to make money. It's the "taboo" which is a turn on. But for anyone that may have suffered abuse, Or even anyone with a decent sense if what's right and wrong, is probably going to find this revolting. I for one don't like porn when it's used behind my back, but it's this scenario that I fear the most (sorry op) I think what I'm trying to say is, he didn't accidentally click on this stuff he is actively interested in it. And for that reason, I'd personally be leaving ...
I stand by what I believe - porn is having a detrimental effect on how we form and have successful relationships - and it destroys relationships. Something needs to change.

Likewise I can't see how this could be a turn on. Like most fetishism it is only a few who would be into it. If it makes you unhappy and he cant enjoy sex without resorting to this fantisy then that is his problem to sort. Maybe he is damaged by this porn and its false fantisy. You should be able to enjoy sex together as who you are without fantisy. It should be you he wants to make love to, not a fantisy. If he can't then he is probably not right for you.

I just think there is a tendancy to judge him very quickly and lable him as pure evil. I mean Ann Summers sell naughty school girl outfit and they are popular with the men and the women. In fact I bet quite a few people on mums net have worn one or maybe the cheerleader outfit? Does that make all these people potential pedofiles? Of course not, it's a common fantisy enjoyed by may men and women. Or should we burn down Ann Summers and all the people who have engaged in this sort of role play?

Incest porn does not involve children. Just thought that should be said in case some people were worried it was child pornography.

It's a common genre, amazingly.

I would find it a huge turn off in a partner, but I would not run screaming from the room as some here seem to think you should have done.

There is nothing wrong with you for asking this question and taking time to work out how you feel about it.

However, you are not sexually compatible, his interests make you physically sick. Your relationship doesn't have a future.

I've been deleted for stating a fact, how strange.

I'll start by saying I absolutely hate any kind of porn. If it were for me, it wouldn't exist.

That said, here some people seemed to think that OP's partner is automatically into children because he has an incest porn fetish. That's not how that works. Incest porn is adult girls looking like teenagers having sex with someone that looks older and plays the part of the parent.
Lots of adult males find themselves attracted physically to a developed teenage girl. That's not being a pedophile. It's wrong morally as the girl is underage if he tries to actually have sex with her or anything of that kind, but the attraction to a body that looks like that of a woman has nothing in common with pedophilia, which means being attracted to CHILDREN (sorry about the caps). The body of an 8-year-old is not like that of a 16-year-old fully developed.

Incest porn is just a fetish; there are people who are into things most find disgusting. The fact he gets turned on by watching a woman having sex with a boy that plays the part of his son doesn't mean he will go and molest his own children, come on. Same with adult girl looking like a teen having sex with an adult guy playing her daddy. Porn like that is acted by adults, not children.

If OP catches her partner looking at children in sexual situations, then that's a whole different matter and he should be reported to the police.

I get that that is unsettling as incest is not something we find morally acceptable but I am fairly sure in OP's case her partner has just a fetish limited to his masturbating activities. If OP finds that unacceptable, then she should see if he can get over this fetish or leave him.

It's the same with women who have the rape fantasy. Doesn't mean they would like to be raped in real life. It's just a fantasy that turns them on, because fantasy is safe.

I once had a boyfriend who wanted me to call him 'daddy'. No kids of his own, never wanted any, no interest in paedophilia. Just a kink he wanted to share with grown women.

It's not uncommon at all as a kink and the vast vast majority of people who like it (like, 99.99%) won't want to even think about it in a real life/abusive context, any more than most people who are into spanking want to get into fights outside the pub, or people who found 50 Shades sexy would actually want to be in a controlling and abusive relationship. It's fantasy.

Having said that, if it is something the OP is uncomfortable with, she should leave. Definitely not worth it to stay.

Incest porn is not that unusual and definitely nothing to do with children. I didn't think it was illegal but am happy to be proved wrong.

All that matters though is that the OP finds it horrible and won't be taking part in this role play. So move on and find someone you are compatible with.

It's just during sex, so wouldn't affect your own kids.

You don't have kids.

It's all very odd.

Another thing OP said this is just one of the issues in the relationship. I would not want to stay in a relationship where my partner had a dodgy fetish, strong interest in watching porn plus other issues. It's just too much to deal with, leave and find someone without all these issues.

Forgetting anyone's opinion of the type of porn he is watching, what's important here is how it makes you feel and clearly you are disgusted by it. Based on that alone I would seriously consider whether you can have a healthy relationship with this person.

DarthVadersTailor has hit the nail on the head. What really matters here is how you feel about it.

Incest porn is not that unusual and definitely nothing to do with children. I didn't think it was illegal but am happy to be proved wrong.

Actual incest porn is illegal - that would be porn that pretended that the two actors were mum and son or brother and sister, etc.

The studios get around this by marketing it as step-daughter, step-siblings, etc.

That's regarding films. I don't know the issues around written porn.

OP I'm sorry this thread has made you feel attacked. It's not your problem or your fault. The only thing you need to consider is not "is this normal/acceptable" but "Am I comfortable with this?" Because you are the person in your relationship, not anyone else. If you are not comfortable - and it sounds like you're definitely not - then you can leave. Your partner seems to have been watching this stuff for a long time, and I doubt you giving him an ultimatum is going to make him stop - he'll just hide it better.

If there are other issues that you want support with, and help in leaving, it might be best to start a new thread.

Ah I see! Though it is actually illegal to shag your step daughter or son isn't it? Or is it just illegal to marry them? Which wouldn't make very good porn anyway.

Totally agree though that the only thing that matters is whether OP feels comfortable which she quite clearly doesn't.

Some sweeping statements here:

"The vast majority of people who like it (like, 99.99%) won't want to even think about it in a real life/abusive context"

"Incest porn is not that unusual and definitely nothing to do with children"

How can you be sure?

I wouldn't want to take any chances with my children, would you?

How can I be sure that incest porn isn't about children? Well mostly because there aren't any in it. Paedophiles don't like watching porn with adults in or even teenagers. Not relevant that the adults are pretending to be related- they aren't physically what a paedophile would be attracted to.

I'm also sorry if the OP feels like she is being attacked because she has done nothing wrong.

This is horrific.
I do hope OP leaves and isn't just saying that for our benefit.

I'm also sorry if the OP feels like she is being attacked because she has done nothing wrong

Absolutely