Do rocky starts ever lead to love stories?

[Banzai]

Which do you think is true?

"Some genuinely wonderful and time tested romances were born out of unclear circumstances, differing momentum or a host of other factors that stray from the archetypal boy meet girl, boy chases girl scenario. Everyone needs different fits for their relationships."

OR

All the "rules" which exist as firm indicators of the value of a new relationship. For example: Making sure someone ticks every box, wants the same things as you, follows all the tried and tested pattern of boy chasing girl.

What I mean is, do you think sometimes we place too much expectation on men at the start of new relationships to be 100% sure they want us, 100% sure they want a relationship and for them to play the role we expect?

When I met dh it all followed that traditional story really. We met, he was keen, no games, called me next day, met up soon after and then regularly we were in touch and he was kind and caring and thoughtful and we fell in love and got engaged and got married and had babies...and he turned into such a big fucking emotionally abusive twat. He was putting on an act for those first months, I should have seen the signs but I was so taken up in this being right and the way it should be, I ignored any red flags.

I then met another one who was very 'open' and 'honest' with his feelings and we fell in love and I felt like he was 'the one'. Then I gradually realised I had again basically just fallen under the spell of a pretty unstable and extremely selfish character who quickly started trying to twist everything on to me.

I think the archetypal girl meets boy scenario means nothing and I would be very wary of men presenting like this in future!

Getting - I think your story is really helpful, although obviously very painful for you. I think some of the statements that everything should be great in the early weeks are wrong. Everything might feel great, but this could be because the guy is a professional charmer/player that knows what buttons to press in the early days. Things might be more uncertain because the guy is shyer, a bit awkward, or just a bit more genuine.

In my case, and I suspect Banzai's, we might be happier with this different level of contact once the relationship has settled down and we feel more secure. it's at the start when expectations/ security levels / tempraments are different that things can be more stressful.