Do rocky starts ever lead to love stories?

[Banzai]

Which do you think is true?

"Some genuinely wonderful and time tested romances were born out of unclear circumstances, differing momentum or a host of other factors that stray from the archetypal boy meet girl, boy chases girl scenario. Everyone needs different fits for their relationships."

OR

All the "rules" which exist as firm indicators of the value of a new relationship. For example: Making sure someone ticks every box, wants the same things as you, follows all the tried and tested pattern of boy chasing girl.

What I mean is, do you think sometimes we place too much expectation on men at the start of new relationships to be 100% sure they want us, 100% sure they want a relationship and for them to play the role we expect?

Sounds so similar! It really is like that with him too and it does make you feel a bit rejected and unwanted. I was just not sure if this is due to preconcepted expectations in miy mind because when he's with me he makes me feel a lot more wanted than most other men I've been with. I feel no doubts at all when he's with me.

Same in my case also...he seems suprised when it's broached. "Gosh, I really like you...sorry, I thought I was easy to read...aparently I'm not".

I'm now sitting here thinking 'I'm not texting him first or bloody well asking to meet again'

Me too! sitting here doing the exact same!!!

Shall we swap phone numbers and text each other? ha ha!

Haha - it is frustrating isn't it!

Strangely, I've just had a text, although nothing about meeting yet. I'm determined I'm not going to push it - I need to know that he wants to see me enough to do the asking.

I decided not to text him so havent heard from him for two days! He will text tomorrow. He has a 72 hour limit. Lol. Bloody pain in the arse!

OP, that's quite a short period of dating if you don't see each other a lot! I think in these cases it's just a mismatch of temperanents and also possibly a mismatch of internal clock regarding your future aspirations.

If you are looking for a LTR/marriage, then understandbly you don't want this sort of relaxed drawn-out approach when basically you have to adjust to his needs and timescale while he just want to date.

Or if you not especially looking for a committed ltr, you might be an emotional/passionate character while he is cool/relaxed/maybe very cerebral and say, his job is his priority but he still wants a relationship, he just is happy to be only focused on you when he is with you and not dominate all his other activities. I think this is a major compatibilty. But if you aer patient and end up caring about each other, you may in time /meet in the middle' somewhere, but tbh most people do not have the patience to try and see.

Before texting and mobiles, it was absolutely normal not to be in touch for a couple of days between dates and phone calls. But that's neither here nor there - if he is not of an older generation, he needs to fit with the times, haha! having said that, a day of no contact surely is fine if he's very busy and a chilled-out type.

I'm very impatient so can't cope with the laid back types, was seeing a guy for 6 month like that...drove me crazy! ??

lol it started off sounding like a relationship - honesty, laying cards out about feelings. Then it turns out its only dating for a matter of weeks!! Too much deep thought and not enough going with the flow. Trouble is, there is no flow. Why is that? Too different maybe? Or one is taking the lead because one is being way ahead of where they should be at this early stage. Geez, posting after weeks about what it all means? I'd guess that out of the two of you, he's more level-headed and probably getting a tad unnerved by your intensity - which is not surprising.

sparkle, me too! I like to see it as being romantic.

6/7 weeks and you call yourself a couple and want flowers and all that? I thought you were talking months. You need to chill - you have only been on a few dates and can't know him that well.
Does he/you have DC? You think he is being hesitant, you have hurt each other and you have discussed it. Sounds like how to put a man off and also like the problems teenagers have!

to be fair, piece, some couples do get romantic very quickly regardless on age, not even necessarily having deep feelings quickly(rare), but being romantic, and flowers for some men are a very easy gesture too - it just doesn't mean at all that the whole thing will last. It's the styles of dating that can be a match or a mimatch like with OP. But give it time, OP if you think he really attracts you in other ways.

I'd known him a while too, there had been a long build up, long convos from him about how great it would be so thre ws a strong expectation of romance setup.

Ive dated plenty of people where it's not been like that. When they'd not set up any expectation I wasnt bothered.

Also with me and him it just is intense and romantic when we're together so funny that it goes when were not.

I'm not a nutter, I promise!

My dh was a ONS that became a short term relationship, because I was due to leave the country 3 months later.
Blah blah romantic-ness, fell in love etc etc, he followed me to other country, that was ten years ago and we're now married with two dc.

^^We're both from UK, and I was going travelling, not a visa bride for sale type leaving the country

Noclueses .. I just think if OP is finding it so stressful after 6 weeks it does not bode well. It should just be fun now, I think we all thought it was a much longer relationship

Really feeling gutted just now. Not seen him for ages due to his busy schedule and he was meant to be working tonight. Send me a message at 7 and says he's got the night off unexpectedly, asks what I am doing and basically the upshot of it was that he could not be fucked to make a two hour journey to see me tonight. I know two hours is quite far, but haven't seen him for a couple of weeks. I just can't help feeling like I cannot be fucked anymore.

So in your 6/7 week relationship you have not seen him for 2? And he can't be arsed seeing you tonight. Hmmm.
How did you meet him? I think, being brutal, he may just have wanted to get laid ...

Probably! Idiot. (me an idiot too)

We live and learn! Op I hope I am wrong

piece, I did say that OP should only try and be patient if she seriously saw a lot of potential - but that their dating styles or temperaments or 'clocks ticking' are mismatched. I wouldn't have patience for this but some women are much more clam and serene, ha!

calm, not clam . it's the man clamming up here on and off!

He's messaged me and asked for a date for the week, said he was shattered after a 10 hour day and wouldn't have arrived until late and been no company but he'd have come if he had been able to reach me on the phone before he'd gone home (my phone was off). He also made a plan for next weekend with me.

I do think it's true though...my style of dating is differrent. Never been with a man who'd not have jumped in the car to see me after a couple of weeks away.

Drives me mad though.

Any relationship I've been in where there is angst, over analysis and flipflopping back and forth has never ended well.

I sense you are asking everyone to whip out their crystal ball and give you definitive answers as a substitute for admitting your relationship isn't on solid ground.

Whatever words we say, or predictions we make, we cannot say what your future holds for you nor make up the rules of your game. Gut instinct always works for me. If it doesnt feel right, it isn't right no matter what sugarcoating you put on it.

I think this point about different dating tempraments is interesting. It could extend to just having different approaches to how we plan our lives.

Banzai, after we'd posted the other night re us both waiting for texts, my bloke did ask for a date and we are meeting Sunday. He also then phoned out of the blue last night (all a bit untypical). We were just chatting and I was telling him of my plans for today with my teenage DD and with friends tonight. I asked what he was up to and he laughed and said he hadn't thought that far ahead as it was only Friday night!

That was quite illuminating for me. I am by nature a planner. I take comfort in knowing what i'm doing and when, where as he is much more laid back. He has no DCs so that will account for some of it but not all.

I suspect your chat falls a bit more into the 'take days as the come'category which means he doesn't get as worried as you about things being open ended, but it does sounds that he did make arrangements with you yeaterday even though he was knackered after a long day.