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Original poster

5 months & 14 dates - the joy of OLD

58 replies

datealot · 31/10/2015 08:35

Been OLD for five months, chatted to loads of men, checked out their backgrounds, tried to get the balance right between online chat & meeting in a reasonable time. I kept my options open vetting a 20yr age range (10yrs either side of my age) in the end they were all between 46-49 (49 yeah right, we all know you mean anything up to mid 50s) & I live in London, so you'd think there'd be plenty of choice, which there is........plenty of wankers. So, after sieving through the too old/ too fat/unfit/too deluded/plain scarey, I've dated 14 men for varying periods of time & here are my statistics, the cream that the websites had to offer:

2 were happy to date but only wanted a 'hand-holding' relationship with nothing beyond, not even kissing!

3 were totally impotent

2 had major anger issues (turned into trolls)

2 were complete fantasists away with the fairies & got VERY angry when I unravelled the truth about their (non-existent) fantasy jet-set lifestyles.

1 was lovely & kind but completely & utterly thick as a plank

1 was a drug taking, chain smoking alcoholic

1 was everything you'd want on paper, educated, well travelled, great in bed but wanted someone 10yrs younger to have kids with & I can't.

& 2 were married!

Misguided as it might be, I am still keeping my chin up at this point, that there might be a lovely man out there waiting for me.

OP posts:
Shouldknowbetter2015 · 31/10/2015 08:41

Blimey. I'm on my own at the mo & reading stories on mn about OLD makes me too scared to even think about it! Good luck!

Handywoman · 31/10/2015 08:56

OMG! Scary! I'm not having a lot of joy here either. I'm only halfheartedly doing it which I think is just as well!!!!!!

I think those who get lucky with OLD should consider themselves VERY lucky!!

grobagsforever · 31/10/2015 08:59

So far I've had an opposite experience - met a normal, smart, funny, gorgeous guy after 1 month OLD and two dates! Been seeing each other for a little while now. I think there is soooo much luck involved. Could all go tits up of course!

RedMapleLeaf · 31/10/2015 09:00

I'm single and online dating is not for me ever at the moment. However, I'd love to read more about your exploits.

Duckdeamon · 31/10/2015 09:01

Perhaps one of the fat, unfit blokes might be nicer?

ILiveAtTheBeach · 31/10/2015 09:06

Keep your chin up OP. I met my DH doing OLD. Been together 7 years now. maybe you could meet for coffee rather than do real dates? Might weed out a few weirdo's early on? I know some lovely male friends of mine have done OLD. Have you tried Plenty of Fish? Lots of guys on there. I found MATCH useless. Good luck!

niceupthedance · 31/10/2015 10:12

I think you need to work on the selection process a bit more. Meet fewer people but better quality ones? (Disclaimer: I have met a few dickheads but none of them were married or unhinged).

Dowser · 31/10/2015 11:19

I met two guys from POF . Had a lovely date with the first one and married the second one last month after 7 lovely years together.

Oysterbabe · 31/10/2015 11:55

I married the third guy I dated from Match and we're expecting a baby.

Went on loads of pof dates over the course of a year before that. One of them I dated for a few months but he had serious erectile dysfunction and it did really come between us. I think it's more of a common problem than I had previously realised.

Keep at it! It's a bit of a numbers game.

pocketsaviour · 31/10/2015 12:05

Are you using free sites, OP? I have found there's a lot better "quality" on the more expensive sites because at least you know people on there are serious about finding a relationship and not just time-wasting.

I hope that doesn't sound horribly snobby, I don't mean it to. It's just that having a dating site subscription shows that you are prepared to do what it takes to reach a goal (even if it means going without your morning Starbucks to afford it) and that's an attitude I like.

Squeegle · 31/10/2015 12:12

pocket, which of the paid sites did you find any good? How old are you if you pardon my curiosity? I'm 49, so am looking for someone around that age.

DarkNavyBlue · 31/10/2015 12:26

I met a great guy on my first online date. Been seeing him 3 months now. It's totally about luck.

elliepac · 31/10/2015 13:32

Completely and utterly down to luck. Did OLD for a couple of months. Met up with 4 men in total. One no chemistry. Another lasted a couple of dates but different values. One FWB for a couple of months, great fun but no long term future. Date 4 met DP. 8 months later, I am the happiest I have ever been with the loveliest man I have ever met. I recognise I have been incredibly lucky. Match and OKC worked for me, EHarmony was useless.

donajimena · 31/10/2015 14:41

Ok cupid worked for me. Im a very lucky woman. I don't think anyone should give up on OLD just run it in the background of your life and set the bar high from the off
I was on it for 6 months. I didn't engage with anyone who sent a message consisting of 'hi' or 'hi sexy'
I wouldn't chat with anyone too far out of my area either as I get very little child free time
I went on one date and we were lucky enough to hit it off. I only agreed to meet him as he had taken time to read my profile and emailed me thoughtfully
I could have gone on a lot more dates just 'in case'

TheHelpfulHiker · 31/10/2015 14:47

My now fiancé was my 3rd date on eharmony. We have a 10 month old and are getting married in May. I only took a chance on him because he was local, young (a lot of my matches were older than me) and not bad looking. I wasn't looking for anything serious, just thought it would be fun to go on a few dates. I guess you have to grow a thick skin and don't expect too much, that way if you do meet anyone it's a nice bonus!

Original poster
datealot · 31/10/2015 20:21

For the record, all my dates came from Match & we did start off by going for coffees first. Often it takes more than one meeting for their true colours to show. I'm under a different name now but it was also me who met the chap who asked me to buy the very ££ candle in another thread! I wonder if the men have as much difficulty meeting a nice woman? Some how I don't think so.....

OP posts:
tenthirtythree · 31/10/2015 21:25

The view from the male side is much the same. In the past eighteen months I have met six women from Match.

  1. I met the first one after chatting for a while by text then phone, then we finally met up. The charming person I had been talking to transformed before my eyes into a spitting tiger threatening all sorts to her ex . Luckily she decided she was not ready for a new male friendship.
  2. Number two was keen to meet up soon after I sent my first email. At the date venue I saw this elderly lady circling with an ancient dog which should have been in a pushchair .Yes, it was my date, on Match the dog was a puppy. We had a pot of tea and I told her I did not think we had enough in common.
  3. Number three and I had a lot of interests in common and chatted regularly and then met up for drinks and meals a few times. I invited her to visit my place but she declined. Shortly afterwards she invited me to visit her house and stay overnight. I arrived bristling with flowers, bottles of wine and expectation.
But I had misread the situation, my attempt to give her a peck on the lips on arrival was deftly skidded round to an anonymous cheek area. Shortly after I was given sight of her bush, in fact all 50 of them. The penny soon dropped this was not a rumpy pumpy visit, this was garden visit. In the evening after a lovely meal she had cooked I discovered the garden visit was simply a precursor to the main reason why I was there. She had been left in the financial lurch by her ex and wanted a bail-out from me (even though she disclosed her 'mummy' had offered to help her) 4.Number four I met several times over a couple of months. She was always too busy to meet up and dumped me eventually.
  1. Number five I met for the initial drink at a fairly smart bar/restaurant . We seemed to get on well and stayed for a meal spending three hours together. Three days later she texted me to say we were not matched as I did not like camping! Too true I am more of a business class and fluffy towels type.
  2. Number six told me when we first met she was looking for a bail-out.
This week is my final throw of the dice on Match, I have emailed four women , including one who had me as a favourite. I have not received one reply. All are within one to five years of my age so what is the problem?
Original poster
datealot · 31/10/2015 22:05

tenthirty, I'd be interested to hear how old you are for comparison. I'm 45.

OP posts:
ALaughAMinute · 31/10/2015 23:12

Can someone tell me how to find OLD Dating?

I put OLD dating into Google and all I get is a load of 'mature dating' sites! Confused

Oysterbabe · 31/10/2015 23:15

You sure are a laugh a minute Wink

Unless you're asking a serious question in which case I apologise for taking the piss.

ALaughAMinute · 31/10/2015 23:33

I'm serious! Blush I thought OLD dating was a dating website but maybe it stands for Online dating?

You can tell I'm new to this can't you?Grin

Justaboy · 31/10/2015 23:47

datealot Well thank you for your observations and you too tenthirtythree it does seem that its a bit of a minefield both ways around. I wonder if in a way its all too easy and if say people had to pay more and perhaps there was something more like the marriage bureau of old where someone looked through your given info and met you in person etc. then we might have a better end result than otherwise?.

After all it is a big investment of your life as such finding another person and its very important a relationship and to see what does go on its well a bit of a grim midden!.

Seems the successful percentage is very low:(

tenthirtythree · 01/11/2015 15:36

Datealot, I am 15 years down the track from you. When I was in my thirties there seemed to be lots of women interested in a bit of fun in the form of going for a meal and having a few drinks.
The women I have met recently seem to have an agenda other than meeting a bloke for a casual friendship. It all just seems so heavy nowadays!

Viewofhedges · 03/11/2015 12:14

My DH and I both did OLD when we were single - but we were on different sites. Luckily we met in real life. Smile

pocketsaviour · 03/11/2015 12:57

Squeegle sorry I missed your reply. I'm 42 and I've used Classic FM dating (good if you're more mature, and like classical music obviously!) I have also used Eharmony.