5 months & 14 dates - the joy of OLD

[datealot]

Been OLD for five months, chatted to loads of men, checked out their backgrounds, tried to get the balance right between online chat & meeting in a reasonable time. I kept my options open vetting a 20yr age range (10yrs either side of my age) in the end they were all between 46-49 (49 yeah right, we all know you mean anything up to mid 50s) & I live in London, so you'd think there'd be plenty of choice, which there is........plenty of wankers. So, after sieving through the too old/ too fat/unfit/too deluded/plain scarey, I've dated 14 men for varying periods of time & here are my statistics, the cream that the websites had to offer:

2 were happy to date but only wanted a 'hand-holding' relationship with nothing beyond, not even kissing!

3 were totally impotent

2 had major anger issues (turned into trolls)

2 were complete fantasists away with the fairies & got VERY angry when I unravelled the truth about their (non-existent) fantasy jet-set lifestyles.

1 was lovely & kind but completely & utterly thick as a plank

1 was a drug taking, chain smoking alcoholic

1 was everything you'd want on paper, educated, well travelled, great in bed but wanted someone 10yrs younger to have kids with & I can't.

& 2 were married!

Misguided as it might be, I am still keeping my chin up at this point, that there might be a lovely man out there waiting for me.

Problem is, you can analyse and make calculations and plan and, statistically, you'll get something that should be right. But it's frequently not.

What many people fail to use when they're OLD is their intuition. We are so disconnected from this piece of innate wisdom with the lifestyles that we lead - and frequently disconnected from our bodies too (one of the greatest communicators of intuition) - that we make shitty decisions.

Intuition is not head, it's not heart, it lies beyond emotions. It takes practice. But it's bang on. Every time.

Thank you pocket, may not be for me as I'm not that keen on classical music- but I bet some will find that useful! Any other advice from some of the more mature among you will be welcome. Am on POF at the mo- it all feels a bit too in your face flirty! Lots of young men after Cougars!!

pocketsaviour Well thanks for pointing that out re Classic FM never knew they did that would really like a lady who is into classical concerts and especially Opera now that would be someone:-)

In fact i am coming to see it that shared interests are more of the matter than a lot else and of course that you can just "get on" with each other!.

match.com I got a lot of broke guys looking for a woman to support them or they lived with their mum and just wanted to email. Now on Encounters (paid site, recommended by Daily Hate Mail for the over 40's:
One 19 year old who reckoned 'older women are grateful'
One alcoholic
One millionaire who was nice but boring and so shy he couldnt DTD
One guy who said he was in Dubai every other week and 'wasnt contactable there' (apparently 'mobiles and skype dont work there' when i asked)
One real sleaze of a married guy who openly admitted he was
Three 70plus year olds who were amazed a 46 yr old felt the age gap to big

SIGH.

Oh and a drug taking, chain smoking, alcoholic , escort using 50yr old accountant who only liked sex if you pretended to be cartoon 'anime' characters. I didnt even know what Elf sex re. cartoon characters sha**ing was and I thought i had heard it all before! His favourite escort took grave exception to being asked to wear a witches outfit (final straw after Pixie/Elf outfits) so he thought he'd try OLD.

Sazzle41 Bloody hell you just couldn't make that up.

Could you;!?.

Sadly Justaboy its all sodding true. At least my old work colleagues found it hugely entertaining. I had to google Elf Sex (so did workmates). Cartoon monsters and elves sha**ing - how the heck is that a turn on , is it for 12year olds who cant quite hack girls their age ?! He also spent hundreds a month on botox - and still looked way older when we met!

I joined OKCupid a while ago. I don't know what I'm doing wrong as I either get messages from men in their twenties, v explicit sexual messages, men looking for a sub or a Domme, or lots of messages from men abroad - Dubai, India, Morocco, The States, Israel etc. I'm blonde,pretty and busty but I'm pretty serious and intellectual and want to meet an educated man who's over 40. Where are they all..?

Maybe I should just do a head shot as think my boobs are attracting the wrong kind of men!

Destiny most people on any dating site will get a load of those time wasting messages, but yes if your main profile pic is quite "booby" then you will get a higher proportion of men who just want a shag. Close up-ish face portrait with perhaps a tiny hint of the beginning of cleavage weeds out a lot of the "DTF?" type messages. And then include a full body pic in your extra photos.

Really hope this isn't a faux pas but I wanted to share my story

Several old rubbish dates..... Including the guy who spoke only about his cats, and the guy who informed me had been questioned briefly over a famous murder
(Seriously I really am not remotely exaggerating)

But then I met DH OLD , we have been together eight years , married 6 , hVe a ds aged 3 - and I'm expecting second ds

OLD made me lose help several times but I got lucky they are out there

questioned briefly over a famous murder

Bloody hell, Euripdes that may just top the naked psychiatrist draped in tinsel & christmas decs (where to hang the bauble(s)/put the Star.....thats the real question) and my sex in cartoon costumes accountant!!

Sazzle41 After reading a few threads on this OLD lark i can see now how its getting a very bad name, seems that there are a lot of threads on here re women who can't find partners even at young ages and that chances of anyone decent being found as as has been said seems very few and far between:(

Hope that someone does turn up for you who is somewhere near normal;!.

Update .... My latest message on Encounters: 6ft3 IT consultant who cross dresses "due to childhood illness" (huh ??) and wants me to share my clothes with him.

Whatever lights your candle, but I am not sharing my knickers and the make up mirror thank you. There's a book in all this...

Well I was supposed to have a date tomorrow with a relatively normal guy who's around me age and lives nearish and he's cancelled on me! Manflu apparently. I would be a bit more skeptical but it seems to be going around at the moment. We will see, IME if a guy cancels there's often something going on, but I'll keep an open mind for now...

I've been OLD for the past 7 years on and off had 2 relationships out of it... But a lot of men in their 40s (like women) are single for a reason. Lots of commitment phobes or thinking women are out to trap them...

Currently on OKCupid and 2 men, 1 I met then he went strange on me re meeting and sex and it then seemed to be sex orientated (and I got a totally out of the blue dick shot!) someone else I swapped numbers with and within an evening got dick shots.... I really really don't want to see that!

To be honest I think I'll come off it soon... It's so tiring. Also had one or two men this week who have asked why I haven't replied to them...

Sazzle41 LOL!, Write a book;?, a telly series more like .

Anyone here a commissioning editor for a TV company;?.

SuperFlyHigh dick pics;?, I really just cannot understand that.

It seems okcupid should be avoided.
Match hit and miss
Pof to sex mad
Tinder anyone?

And another one .... his profile title was BoyNextDoor and bascially he wrote2 paragraphs about how terribly gorgeous women think he is.
My thoughts on seeing the photo...

a) You're 45 , not a boy: and that much botox makes you look scarily shiny
b) I dont date orange people, fake tan overload
c) Brylcreamed slicked back , very thin, dyed black hair is very 1970's 'pimp'
d) Now i know what Eastenders have done with Alfie's style challenged shirts

Just these were men who maybe some flirting had been happening with them (and kissing re the one I met) but I certainly didn't ask for dick shots! Why?!

OKCupid does seem to be rather racy and as someone else said I think sometimes if you pay for a site you get more sensible men wanting to date. The one I met and dated from Match Affinity and the other from Doing Something, normal men, a few issues but no unsolicited dick shots!

Datealot and tenthirtythree you seem to have a lot in common- why not take it off thread?

Ten years down the line, My 'match' is eating chilli and watching doctor who next to me. I miss OLD
(It stands for on line dating, a laugh)

Sazzle was the Botox really that obvious?!

Reminds me of a man the other week whose profile pics were of him in a red tshirt jumping a star jump outside a castle sentry box in Eastbourne... And his opening shot to me was "hiya Kid". Err no thanks.

The ones I also can't stand are "hello pretty/gorgeous" or emailing me from America or other countries where it'd be hard to date due to distance...

Super he had a shiny, shiny, shiny forehead and I think he was trying to smile but it was a kind of frozen sneer.... It made me laugh that he thought he had fab dress sense. My Gay best friend took one look and went 'badly dressed ageing Queen' . Miaow !!

Super you have just reminded me of one i forgot! "USA Actor". I dunno but if i met him in a dark alley I would be scared sh**less. Scary eyes and he was shooting cute furry things in every pic. Profile was undecipherable psychobabble drivel about 'spirituality and embracing wholeness'. Not presumably into 'wholeness' of said wildlife.

Can I join you please? Ten the dog being a puppy in the photo made me laugh, sorry. I have seen a lot of a online ads saying what men don't want. One on pof actually specifies 'no munters' but lots of others are less crass but just as negative. Find it very off putting.