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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

H has just said he will 'Unleash Hell' if I continue with legal proceedings

91 replies

LakelandLassie · 29/10/2015 20:01

Married 17 yrs with 3 DC.
Got to the end of my tether with his manchild/self centred behaviour.
Told him last Aug that I had had enough and I considered our marriage to be over. By March, things no better so saw a solicitor to begin legal separation. He refuses to open letters from solicitor. We have been living separately but in the same house since then (he wont move out)
I had to put things on hold to deal with DD who has developed a serious illness but today, with the support of my family, I asked the solicitor to proceed.
He has gone mad and said if I continue with 'this nonsense' he will 'Unleash Hell'.
I was trying to keep things as amicable as possible for the sake of the DC.
It isn't going to happen is it?
I wouldn't mind but for most of the last 10 years he has given very little indication that he enjoys spending time with me and the DC, so why the sudden desire to keep us all together?? .

OP posts:

ifyouregoingthroughhell · 30/10/2015 18:10

Ha ha ! Must be Halloween weekend, the witches are all out. Seriously, he is going to make your life as difficult as possible. He will try and think of every possible way to get control back. Think twice before answering any question, text etc. Try and keep a step ahead, although you won't see all of it coming, and come on here for advice before responding and reacting, if you get the chance. Because you are in the middle of it all, and still trying to keep all the plates spinning, you may miss subtle attempts. I can say it is exhausting and stressful, but you will get through. My name is about persistence , not despair. " If you're going through Hell.....keep going ". Don't look back, put one foot in front of the other and push forward. PS Mine did the " I'll move into the caravan in the garden ". He never did. He should have. The guilt at that time would have made me give in . He missed that opportunity, thank the lord.

TooSassy · 30/10/2015 19:49

OP as many others on here have pointed out.

He doesn't have to move out and will be advised against it. Unless there has been DV (with proof) or there is a risk of direct harm to you/ DC's that can be proven, he has every right to stay put.

I've had a few friends have to go through it. It's wasn't the easiest of times but both came out the other end are divorced (and happier!).

PeaceOfWildThings · 30/10/2015 22:15

Lassie, your DD's illness might be evidence of harm he is causing, if she has been able to talk to a counsellor, or shown evidence of stress directly related to his behaviour, that could be enough.

IsYourNameMichaelDiamond · 30/10/2015 22:20

How did you keep a straight face at the "unleash hell" line OP? It's making me cringe through the interweb

MotherOfFlagons · 30/10/2015 22:23

I've been laughing at this for a couple of days. It's the combination of 'I will unleash hell on you' and 'I will buy a caravan and park it on the drive'. Comedy gold.

Helmetbymidnight · 31/10/2015 09:57

I think it's a lovely name for a caravan.

PeaceOfWildThings · 31/10/2015 10:18

Unleash Hell. Great name for a caravan! Lol

Also an anagram of Shall Unheel, or
Haul Shellen.

Savagebeauty · 31/10/2015 10:25

Why do they do this? It's a desperate attempt to be mavho and controlling.
Ex did it. If I told friends the real reason we were getting divorced, he threatened to drag me through every court in the land

I just laughed and told him not to be so dilly. Which made him incandescent

Savagebeauty · 31/10/2015 10:26

silly

Hissy · 31/10/2015 20:36

Here's my favourite clip that applies to this situation.

I came here for a western...

#NSFW

goodnightdarthvader1 · 31/10/2015 21:22

ifyouregoing Or, he's all mouth and no trousers. Which wouldn't be surprising for a twat who says he'll "unleash hell".

Original poster

LakelandLassie · 10/11/2015 19:46

Update
Not quite sure what to make of this latest offer from H.
I am trying to move things along and have found a rental property for myself and DCs. My family and friends are rallying round with furniture and bits and pieces. Solicitor is on the case.

H, who has always controlled the purse strings, has just offered to fund my new place and is pushing to know what it needs re furniture. He says that us moving out will make it easier for him to renovate/redecorate the 'family home' so that it will be all lovely when we move back.

He has never volunteered to do any decorating EVER and has said in the past (and I quote) "if you want a new kitchen, you will just have to work harder to pay for it".

I want to do up the 'family home' a bit but only to get the best price once it goes on the market. I have no intention of moving back.

AIBU to politely decline his offer or am I just being too proud?

OP posts:

PrincessHairyMclary · 10/11/2015 19:51

Decline his offer, or take the money and choose your own stuff . This new place is for you to make your own not for him to put his mark on it .

SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 10/11/2015 20:19

I wpuld fear "I am paying for it and furnishing it so I'll come in anytime I like

RunRabbitRunRabbit · 10/11/2015 20:23

He can put the money in your bank account, you could call it child maintenance.

pocketsaviour · 10/11/2015 20:26

I would ask your solicitor what the implications are before deciding one way or the other.

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