H has just said he will 'Unleash Hell' if I continue with legal proceedings

[LakelandLassie]

Married 17 yrs with 3 DC.
Got to the end of my tether with his manchild/self centred behaviour.
Told him last Aug that I had had enough and I considered our marriage to be over. By March, things no better so saw a solicitor to begin legal separation. He refuses to open letters from solicitor. We have been living separately but in the same house since then (he wont move out)
I had to put things on hold to deal with DD who has developed a serious illness but today, with the support of my family, I asked the solicitor to proceed.
He has gone mad and said if I continue with 'this nonsense' he will 'Unleash Hell'.
I was trying to keep things as amicable as possible for the sake of the DC.
It isn't going to happen is it?
I wouldn't mind but for most of the last 10 years he has given very little indication that he enjoys spending time with me and the DC, so why the sudden desire to keep us all together?? .

If he parks the caravan on your drive and it is his main residence, your drive could be considered a pitch and he will be charged Council Tax and it will be given an address. At least then he will have moved out

Unleash hell is buying a caravan? Not bad.

Sorry though.

Just make sure he doesn't pay for said caravan with any joint funds/joint ccs etc. (Even second hand ones aren't cheap.) Is all the money already separated out?

He is frightened that he is losing control over his empire and it is coming out as anger.

Oh and OP continuing on the practicalities front, any joint accounts with overdraft facilities. Or credit cards in joint names. Remove authorisation of overdraft/ credit card. Any debts accrued on joint accounts etc you can be liable for. Switch them off straightaway.

Please please remove your personal/valuable items. I don't sometimes recognise my STBXH. Get a lawyer and get one step ahead. It's hard to unleash hell on someone who has taken protective steps.

Stay strong. Carry on. There is a phenomenal amount of support on mnet to get you through this

If he mentions the caravan again say 'Very nice, dear, but what will you do when you need to go to the loo and what about electricity? Are you planning to hook it up to a street lamp?'

It's the 'nicey-nicey' bit that made the hairs on my neck tingle. A caravan is a sort of cross between a man-cave and a boy-toy and his 'nicey-nicey' could later become - 'I told her we were going to buy it and she never actually said No was fully in agreement'. If it were my ebay account he might be bidding from - or a joint cc/account that he were possibly going to pay it from - I'd be taking steps to preserve my position.

so much good advice on here already.
I would urge you to keep a diary, record all his unreasonable and threatening behaviour.
His threats are just that, go on what he does, not what he sasy he will do, a diary will make you realise he is full of shit.

I would echo what others have said and take steps to protect yourself, get one step ahead, if you know you are going to have a difficult conversation with him, record the conversation on your phone.
I put an App on my phone called something like Gotcha it took a covert picture of anytime it was picked up, bloody hilarious snaps of my ex snooping at my phone.

Oh no, Lassie, just catching up with this. Sorry to read about his childish cuntishness.

Don't think he can live in the caravan somewhere without an elsan pount/place to dispose of waste. Perhaps a barge on a canal would be better (and further from you?)

The whole point of caravans, Peace, is that they have a place in the drive to sit in armchairs with a drink and a movie. (And they have 'dinky fitments' ) They come inside the house for showers and other practicalities which aren't catered for.

Thanks everyone for the good advice. We have separate bank accounts but I had to give up my (zero hrs contract) job when our DD became ill so I rely on him putting money in my acc each month. I will have to look into getting benefits for a few months. I hope to get back to work in the spring. I will start packing valuables and store them at a friends until this madness is over.

Well done.

As a matter of practicality, change your passwords on anything that needs them - eg online bank or cc accounts, ebay or Paypal etc etc. It's good practice in any case.

YY you must claim. In your name.

I assume you've stopped doing anything domestic for him?

I wonder if he realises just how silly he sounds with his ridiculous declarations.

Claim the benefits. Don't do anything for him. Protect yourself as advised.

I'm wondering as your dd is ill if there's anything solicitor can advise re him moving out to reduce stress for her?

yeah, i have an ex who made similar threats, my solicitor laughed and tore him a whole new one....he hasn't changed or improved at all but i am happily free from him. just keep an eye on things you value and your post, mine opened large credit card accounts in my name and stopped paying bills he was supposed to pay. in the end it cost him dearly in the courts but at the time it was stressful.

He has just come into my room to show me a caravan on EBay. Its the answer to all our problems apparently!

Gosh yes you are so right - a caravan really is my idea of hell. >slow hand clap

'Unleash hell' is the battle cry of the loser whose watched too much TV! Tool.

He's clutching at straws. Keep on getting your ducks in a row. Sort out benefits so you have some money coming in. Your plan to get into work in spring will be a big step forward in gaining your independence.

How do you stand in terms of housing? Do you have a mortgage or are you renting?

If you are living completely separately but in the same house you should be able to make a claim now.

Don't worry about the stigmatism of claiming benefits, they are for people like you, your DD is ill it can take a while to sort them out so apply earlier than later.

Good luck

Get copies of his bank statements, credit card bills etc. Sort out benefits today.

If he threatens you then it is even more important to have the law backing you up! Keep a record of the threats and go ahead. What is he grieving? Your (not so) fantastic marriage or the ideas/ dreams about a fantastic marriage that he did not make happen?
Keep the house as a stronghold as it can have a bearing when court decides custody of the DCs. Hugs.

Is it wrong I just laughed out loud at what VOD wrote?

I thought VOD was just being philosophical but she is just to the point! anyfucker

Well in theory I like the caravan idea. The great thing about them is you can then get a mate to hook it up in the night and tow it away to somewhere really picturesque.

Keep on keeping on OP! Hold your nerve and divorce the idiot.