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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

Inappropriate emails

87 replies

Lillyrose4 · 27/10/2015 20:07

I've posted here before but had the thread pulled as I felt it might be too indentifying. Second time lucky...

I saw emails between my DP and possible OW (when I was using his phone for something else).

DP had mentioned going out with work and was it convenient, it wasn't so I said it was better if he didn't go. He seemed fine about it, and I had no concerns.

Then I found emails to OW along the lines of:

DP: I can't come to x event sorry
OW: Oh no!
Dp: if I was there you wouldn't be alone (plus loads more her not having to share with a female colleague if he was there)
OW: I'll wear the suspenders you liked on my FB pic
DP: Dance for me in them
OW: if you make it worth my while...
DP: you'd better not fall in love with me

It went on.

Before posters who've read my previous post pick me up on discrepancies, I'm really sorry I've written this from memory when I saw the emails on Saturday and am trying to repost as accurately as possible.

He's away until tomorrow and I haven't confronted him, I got great advice before and I'm really grateful for any ideas anyone has about how to best deal with this.

I was angry; now I'm just sad.

OP posts:

loveyoutothemoon · 28/10/2015 18:12

Yep in denial and pretending it wasn't a question. OP listen to what people are advising. You need to keep such a close eye on him.

BolshierAryaStark · 28/10/2015 19:34

Oh dear, you'll be back alright love.
How did she know what you'd found out about? If it was all a silly joke there wasn't anything for you to have discovered is there?

SlightlyJaded · 28/10/2015 21:19

Just to echo YellowTulips. Don't be embarrassed to come back when you're ready.

noclueses · 29/10/2015 12:57

I think '??' wasn't in OW's reply, it was OP asking. So it meant, I'm dating and the fb imappropriate chat was nothing at all serious with you.

To me it sounds very clearly that the banter re suspenders gone too far and THAT'S what he means was a silly joke, not literally a joke but inappropriate flirting gone to far which he didn't see as serious and was not going to act on it (acting would be serious in his eyes).

She also said 'poor Lily, I d have gone mad if it was my bf' meaning the flirty banter on FB. Then she adds she s got a date with someone - again just to say that none of this was seroius on her part or Lily's DP, they both have partners. I really don't think they went any further. She wouldn't be so light hearted about it in her reply if there was more. At that point she couldn't have known that Lily is sending the message, replied at once.

He still needs to do a lot o ggrovelling about the chat, OP, if you want to forgive him, and tell him if anything like this happens again, he'll be out in a flash - and mean it too.

noclueses · 29/10/2015 12:59

or rather he'[s got a partner, and she's dating others.

SeaCabbage · 29/10/2015 13:05

Agree with Noclueses above. The girl was just mucking about and isn't interested in him. Unclear as to your partner's intentions, but certainly over flirty and inappropriate.

Threefishys · 29/10/2015 13:14

I agree too with the above, said the same upthread (just not as eloquently)

SoDiana · 29/10/2015 13:25

I don't get why she was telling him about her date?

BloodontheTracks · 29/10/2015 13:27

I'm afraid I agree from her repsonse that this is extreme flirtation that could well have turned into something else if it hasn't already. This isn't a full on affair (she's mentioning a date with someone else to him, affair partners don't do that). But that's not to say nothing's happened. Even if this is flirtatious 'joshing' it's wildly inappropriate and as she even says, you should be livid. This would make me think seriously about what sort of man my partner is and how he presents himself to other women. Unlikely this is the only time/one.

Muddlewitch · 29/10/2015 19:45

I don't get why she was telling him about her date?**
**
Perhaps to spur him into action? 'Have me or someone else will' kind of thing. My ex used to try that when he was trying to get me back, I always just wished him luck!

Or conversely, it might really be just a bit of flirting that went too far and she was trying to draw a line under it and make it clear she was not after him.

YellowTulips · 29/10/2015 23:11

It's done....

The OP has left.

Let it die.

I bet this will resurrect in a new thread anyway when the OP stops playing "pick me"

Homely1 · 29/10/2015 23:18

He's not a nice guy OP . So sorry. Even if he's not acted upon it, the emails are inappropriate. Where is he now?

You should confront him.... I know that may be really scary. He may of course lie to you but the messages you certainly have seen and are inappropriate.!

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