OLD analyse this..

[tillytolly3]

We've met 5 times (all pub dates) & never even made it to first base! He's attractive & I told him so. He said I'm attractive too. He certainly looked at me with affection in his eyes. He was a little touchy feely - would occasionally rub my thigh affectionately, ditto my back. Previously, we've only had a very chaste peck on the lips goodbye. Tonight I thought it's up-the-ante time or bust. So I leant in & gave him a soft but meaningful kiss on his cheek, I didn't pull away but did it a couple of times more, then I pulled back. And what d'you think? Nothing. Nothing at all. Not a heartbeat. He just looked at me & said 'I'm not ready' and 'I'm not sure when I will be ready'. 'I do genuinely like you...really like you, but I'm not ready yet.' If you add up our 5 dates, plus all the phone calls, txts & emails over the last couple of months, we've got to know each other reasonably well, but we can't even make it to first base? I can't carry on like this, he either wants me or he doesn't. So before I tell him I'm done, what d'you reckon?

I'd make that call. If he isn't even nearly 'ready' for a peck on the lips or a personal, intimate conversation together, rather than just pub talk after 5 dates, move on, it's not going to happen.

Yeah fuck that, life's too short.

Move on

Op, if it was the other way round and some man was trying tompush you quicker than you were comfortably with would you want them to call it off or would you allow them to pressure you into doing something before you were ready?

Ok, would it make any difference if I confessed he told me he has 'ED' issues & doesn't want to get close until he can guarantee success? We've talked about it & I said there are a whole gambit of things you can do together. How about if we draw a line in the sand & say we won't go beyond that until you're happy? - Like kissing only with the strict understanding it won't go any further, but he wasn't even keen on that.

Going against the grain here, BUT I'd love to date someone who was interested in getting to know me without all that physical stuff clouding our judgement, that's just me!

Nah, fuck that. I've got better things to do like eat ice cream in my pjs than dick about with someone who doesn't fancy me enough to kiss me. Too much like hard work after only a few dates. Nope. Nope right outta there.

Oh he has an issue.....poor guy! I don't know if I would continue, but I think I'd take a chance with him and see what happens?

Beyonce but I have got to know him, it's been a few months now & we've txt'd, emailed & chatted in all that time.

Theres not jumping into bed, then there's not even kissing. I don't want to fuck someone I barely know, but I do want to kiss. I broke off dating an amazing woman earlier this year because neither if us seemed to be going for a kiss and after 6ish dates it was becoming (for me) more about "will this ever happen?!" than about enjoying each others company. It became a real elephant in the room for me and I realised I couldn't be putting in that sort of angst over something so small but ultimately so important to it becoming a relationship

I wouldn't start a new relationship with a bloke who already has a problem with ED

It's not your job to nursemaid him though this. Especially since he sounds very much like he 1) isn't very interested in sorting it 2) is minimising how bad it actually is and 3) is not going to be a very straightforward nor enjoyable experience for you

Who needs this shit ?

yep, ed is not great, but your not asking to jump his bones.
By placing such a lot of emphasis on not even kissing you...
I'd walk.
Life is too short!

No use flogging a dead horse. Life's too short, I'd move on to the next.

That doesn't sound like ED tbh, that sounds like some poor sod who's gay (or asexual) desperately trying to be straight. I mean, it might be true, but probably not and I wouldn't waste my time or heartache on it.

seeyounearertime no question I would want them to run for the hills, and leave me alone, and go and find someone else they were more compatible with.

Guarantee success? How can he?
Too much hassle.

what help is he actually getting to "guarantee success" ?

and what miracle cure is that then...if he patented that he would be a very rich man

what bollocks

you have a world of pain and arseache if you take this bloke on

thank you then. His preferred way to tackle his 'issue' was drinking beetroot smoothies... now don't laugh. I waited patiently to see if they had any effect.... & he said things might be improving, he wasn't sure... I just want a man to be a man, you lean in, they respond. Simples.

Anyfucker - arseache This is why I love MN. Tell it like it is....

Well, the best piece of beetroot in the world isn't going to make him snog the face off you.

The pink wee is always fun however

arseache

I'd actually think this isnt going to be an issue....

Tbh, I'm still a bit taken aback by the responses here. I thought I was being gentlemanly when I took it slow with my GF, it took us almost a year of hanging out, dating, etc before we even considered kissing or sleeping together etc. It wasn't until we had both used the "L" word.

< hoot >

The only effect beetroot smoothies might have is to make him piss red.

I feel sorry for the bloke, but he is not your problem, seriously.

I can tell you are already starting to climb the walls. Give your arse a break and leave him to his crackpot "cures".

See , that sounds fine because it was what you both wanted I had to jump my H's bones the first time as the daft sod was being "gentlemanly"

There is obviously a whole suitcase of issues here. In a long and committed relationship where loyalty is owed, they can be worked on. For a new relationship...too much like hard work.

He sounds way too difficult.

His problems are his problems, they don't have to be your problems.

hard work
Pun intended?