OD guy lied about his age...

[HotNatured]

So, I've been on two v good tinder dates with a guy, 40, divorced, 3 kids, all seems fine so far.

Last week he took me to a restaurant, he had made the reservation, upon checking in I noticed that he said his name quietly and rather covertly; he is not a quiet guy, he is v confident and forthright, which is why his behaviour seemed a little off key.

I didn't think much of it but today thought I would have a little nose on google... and I discovered that he is in fact 46, 47 in the spring of next year. I'm 41 and actually didn't like the fact that he was younger than me, ironically 6 years is a perfect age gap for me. But that's kind of irrelevant. I'm not sure how I feel about this blatant lie ! I kind of think had he been up front on the first date I would have laughed it off (wouldn't have been the first time actually!) but the fact that he hasn't thought to be fully honest now, after we are dating ? Seems a little sketchy to me.. Obviously I'm not serious about him yet as it's so early, but I would rather bow out now if this is a glaring red flag...

[Gabilan]

I'd take it as part of a bigger picture. IME lots of people lie about their age when OLD. It pisses me off but there is a lot of pressure. If, like me, you're honest, people assume you're lying anyway

[HotNatured]

NoArmaniNoPunani

Thanks for your comment, I'm now totally and utterly befuddled ! so many divisive opinions.

btw your name is hilare ! Is that your OLD moniker at least you're upfront

[strawberryblondebint]

I once met a guy on line who lied about his age. He came clean on the first date. I honestly didn't care. He was gorgeous and the best shag I have ever had.
Wait and see if he comes clean.

[fearandloathinginambridge]

Way back before OLD I met a guy through the Guardian dating thingy. He whispered his name in the restaurant on our third date. I was immediately suspicious and Guess what! He was married and had two kids! Fucker.

[HotNatured]

fearandloathinginambridge

Oh bloody hell !

Oh well. Guess it's better to find out he's a twat sooner rather than later...

[pocketsaviour]

I wind my age back to the previous age bracket on OLD, after discovering through trial and error that being over 40 meant I only got messages from guys in the 50-75 age range. I'm 42 but regularly told I look at least 10 years younger. I also think I have a younger outlook than a lot of people in my age group anyway. Or maybe I'm just immature

[stealthbanana]

I have a friend who had a tinder relationship where the guy lied and said he was a DECADE younger than he actually was - think he said he was 44 and he was actually 54

Even worse, my friend only found out when she asked him for a scan of his ID as she was registering him at a clinic to do std tests so they could stop using condoms (don't ask why he couldn't do this himself - liar and lazy) ie they'd met, hooked up, "fallen in love" and been together for almost 4 months at that point.

None of which has any relevance to you per se, but just thought I'd share that just to show you how weird people can be about this stuff!

[ImperialBlether]

The thing is, pocketsaviour, that EVERYONE thinks they look younger and EVERYONE thinks they have a younger outlook! It makes it impossible if everyone's lying. It means if you put your real age people assume you're actually 10 years older, so won't go near you.

[Threefishys]

I met my OH ON tinder,,real age (over 40) had varied responses mainly around the 40 and younger mark no older guys.I'm going to stick my neck out and say that's because like PP I'm usually judged to be a few years younger than I am so I think younger blokes would think "well she's pretty well preserved for 40+ where older guys would maybe think I wasn't in their bracket IYSWIM. For what it's worth when I was 19 I went out with a guy who pursued me doggedly and told me he was 26 - a little on the old side but I went with it - turned out he had lied to get me, he was actually 33 which was just gross in my eyes and put right off after a year of being with him.

[goddessofsmallthings]

but why is he dating me then ? !

I assumed that you'd knocked a few years off your age and told him you were 35.

I don't do OLD but I have looked at a few meat markets sites after they've been mentioned here and it seems a lot of people have delusions illusions about themselves, particularly in relation to their chronological age and the age they would like claim to be.

[VelvetSpoon]

I don't think lying about age is a sign someone is or isn't serious. I took a few years off because I didn't want a middle aged bloke, and if i put my actual (over 40) age I got no interest other than from old guys, whereas deducting a couple and putting myself just under 40 worked better for me.

I didn't fess up for a couple of dates, but we knew each other's surnames prior to that anyway.

I think really the only time it matters is if it would affect having kids or anything like that...wasn't it Liz Jones who lied about her age to her first husband? and iirc didn't fess up til after they were married she was mid 40s not late 30s, and therefore too old for DC etc...a few dates is more than long enough to keep a lie like that going

[cranberryx]

My bf had a similar situation - he was younger and lied to his now DH (met through OD) stating he was 25 when actually 22. It took him months to get up the courage to tell his partner he was actually younger - and it really wasn't a big deal.

I would stay quiet until he mentions it if it's not a big deal of you.

You're only as young as you feel, and all that

[Gabilan]

I'm honest about my age online. I figure if a man can't cope with me being 43 he's not worth having.

[albal14]

So. I would do the same. Do you like him? Fancy him?whats age gotta do with it?
From my point of view it sounds better, but ultimately if you click that is all that matters. I would not lie about anything else.

[Trills]

People are prejudiced about age, but once they get to know me they'll like me, so it's OK to lie

Life's too short to be with someone who thinks this way.

What other lies will he tell you, or what other things will he do that you don't like, because he assumes you'll be OK with it after the fact?

He probably agrees that it's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

[TheCraicDealer]

The age lie wouldn't bother me as much as the name thing. I would never go on a date with someone without knowing their last name. Never go with a stranger to a second (or first, actually) location.

Last week I googled someone I met through work and turned out they'd got done for running a brothel from their flat.

Just sayin'.

[K1mberly]

I know I'm a bit out of touch with all this new fangled computer stuff and OLD etiquette , so perhaps someone can explain to me ....

Why would you need to know someone's age if you don't even know their surname ?

[Oysterbabe]

I didn't know my OLD's (now DH) name for probably about 5 dates. That isn't odd IMO.
I'd ask him about his age but it wouldn't be a deal breaker for me.

[magiccatlitter]

Because of the age grouping with OLD sites, people lie to be put into certain brackets. Not sure when I'll be ready for dating again but I'll put my age a bit lower and fess up straight away. The main reason for not really wanting someone a lot older than myself is many men don't take care of themselves as well as women do. It wouldn't be good to be vibrant and active while he couldn't walk down to the letterbox without gasping for air.

[StillDrSethHazlittMD]

Bloody OLD.

When I did it (never again) I put my real age and current photos up. I messaged women in the age bracket I was looking at and some of them sent me rather unpleasant replies to say I was clearly a liar and had used someone else's photos because the guy in the photos was "clearly in his late 20s" when my profile said I was 37.

Thing is, I have always looked a lot younger. While I am now approaching 42 and have started catcihing up with my age, most people who don't know me assume I am around 35. It's good genes as my dad is 63 and most people think he's mid-50s. He's only got a few grey hairs (we're both dark blond).

Which is great in many ways but not when it comes to online dating.

[F0xglove]

I haven't read the thread but I will. I can top that OP, I was about to meet somebody who claimed to be 51. It turned out, I read his linked in account, he went to university between 73&76. FGS, 51 already had him about 7 years older than me, did he seriously think there would be any point going on a date with somebody 16 years younger than him? I cancelled and told him why. He came back with ''that's gas!" as though I was the weird one.

As for 'why did he whisper his name?', it's obvious!!! they never want you to do any research!

I'm in touch with a man, as a friend, and I don't know his sur name either. I haven't asked. It's not like he has refused to tell me, but I know my friends' sur names and if we were to be friendly for a longer while and I asked and he wouldn't tell me or was odd about telling me, that'd seem VERY strange to me. In a way that I'd want to back away from.

[F0xglove]

I agree with you galiban, and I went in to it with the same thoughts, if a man recoiils in horror from a 44 year old then he's not for me, but the problem is, now I've been doing OLD for a while, I see that even the 'nice' (are there any) men feel so entitled to a much younger woman that honestly the whole exercise is a bit pointlesss.

I used to think it was because of vanity that women lied about their age. Now I realise it is just to be seen. You're invisible if you don't lie. Even if the lie is sussed out, it might mean that somebody glances at your profile.

And if there are men out there taking 9 years off their age, and asking you on a date with an old photo, wow, maybe that man was expecting me to be 51.

[F0xglove]

ImperialBleather that is so true! i had a man of 55 message me, although he at least admitted that the 52 on his profile was out of date. He said he had a very young outlook. I replied that so did I. And I wished him good luck

[ImperialBlether]

Exactly, Foxglove! So a man of 50 has a young outlook - let him look for women that age who have a similar outlook.

He is 50 - feels like he's 40.
Tries to date 40 year olds.
Woman is 40 and feels like she's 30.
Doesn't want to date a 50 year old.

[HotNatured]

K1mberly

I think you have missed the point, the issue isn't about 'needing' to know anything. My date told a blatant, but somewhat forgivable, lie, about his age on tinder, but still hasn't come clean, this is the issue.

On tinder the age is clearly stated above or below, I can't remember, the photo of the person. Surnames aren't mentioned, as, initially, they don't really matter in the great scheme of things.

With OLD, or at least my experience with tinder (I've had a few short 3-4 month tinder relationships) surnames are usually just established naturally.