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Original poster

OD guy lied about his age...

92 replies

HotNatured · 26/10/2015 17:26

So, I've been on two v good tinder dates with a guy, 40, divorced, 3 kids, all seems fine so far.

Last week he took me to a restaurant, he had made the reservation, upon checking in I noticed that he said his name quietly and rather covertly; he is not a quiet guy, he is v confident and forthright, which is why his behaviour seemed a little off key.

I didn't think much of it but today thought I would have a little nose on google... and I discovered that he is in fact 46, 47 in the spring of next year. I'm 41 and actually didn't like the fact that he was younger than me, ironically 6 years is a perfect age gap for me. But that's kind of irrelevant. I'm not sure how I feel about this blatant lie ! I kind of think had he been up front on the first date I would have laughed it off (wouldn't have been the first time actually!) but the fact that he hasn't thought to be fully honest now, after we are dating ? Seems a little sketchy to me.. Obviously I'm not serious about him yet as it's so early, but I would rather bow out now if this is a glaring red flag...

OP posts:
Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:13

AnyFucker

OLD certainly provides an opportunity for dishonest types to be something / someone they are not, but all human beings have the capacity to tell mistruths, and I have met men in RL who have lied..... what I'm trying to establish is whether lying about one's age, and not disclosing the truth when given the opportunity, is in fact a sackable offence..

But yes, I need to ask him why; it's not the lying about the age thing so much, I'm more perturbed that he hasn't thought to come clean upon meeting me in 'RL'.

OP posts:
Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:14

magicstar1

Thanks for this, so maybe I should just relax and wait til he fesses up !

OP posts:
Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:15

ImperialBlether

Grin
OP posts:
Out2pasture · 26/10/2015 18:19

just thinking positive thoughts :D

niceupthedance · 26/10/2015 18:20

Hmmm. I dated a guy who said he was 40 and I googled him and he was 46. He didn't confess after two dates. I therefore thought he wasn't after anything serious (was right). If he's had opportunity and hasn't come clean I'd wonder why.

Supermanspants · 26/10/2015 18:26

I lied about my age when I did OLD. Knocked five years off as I felt old and on the shelf. Spent time with one guy and I owned up as I was getting a bit stressed about it all. He was ok about it when I explained why I had done it. I think sometimes it may be a confidence thing. OLD is horrendous at the best of times so I guess some people need to give themselves a bit of a boost.

VelvetSpoon · 26/10/2015 18:29

Lying about age is no big deal, imo. Certainly not if it's a 'believable' lie. Ie I think shaving a few years off is ok generally, but not if you're also using a photo thats 20 years out of date and you now look much older. I did OD for a long time, and the ones who lied about age annoyed me far less than those who used old photos, or lied about height or weight, or about being single!

When I net my now bf I'd taken 2-3 years off my age on my OD profile. I think I fessed up around date 2 or 3...it didn't bother him, tbh I'd have been surprised if it had.

Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:32

niceupthedance

Good point. As I've said upthread, the lying about the age thing, I can deal with, but not admitting it and being upfront in RL doesn't sit comfortably with me. Also I think that he lies about his age on tinder as he dates all across the age spectrum, he'd had three first dates prior to me and one of them was 28. He didn't have any second dates (his choice, apparently, but who really knows !)

OP posts:
ImperialBlether · 26/10/2015 18:36

Perhaps he didn't want another date when he saw the horrified expression on her face!

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2015 18:36

My now DP lied about his age. He said he was 49 when in fact he was 50 (by a few months) and he'd realised that people where righting him off because he'd fallen into the next age category.

It was the first thing he told me on our first date.

That's acceptable in my opinion and to me he'll forever be 49

This guy sounds weird. Cagey with his name. Lying about his age. Too much deceit I think

goddessofsmallthings · 26/10/2015 18:38

If he's knocked 6 years off his age and is claiming to be 40 it's because he's looking to meet women who are in their 30's and you may be a bit long in the tooth for him.

Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:40

Supermanspants + VelvetSpoon

Good to get some experienced OLD'ers opinions !

So you don't think that his refraining from disclosure means he isn't potentially serious ? He hasn't given me any other reason to mistrust him so far

OP posts:
Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:42

goddessofsmallthings

Grin

but why is he dating me then ? !

OP posts:
Seeyounearertime · 26/10/2015 18:42

It was my impression that women lie about their age all the time? My ex wife turned 29 until she turned 36.
At what point would hisnage come up in conversation on 2 dates?
"Hi, I'm Bruce, I'm 36 by the way, what you drinking?"

I'm also curious how your conversation will go,
"Hi Bruce, I googled you last night and discovered you're lying about your age, EXPLAIN YOURSELF"
If I was him I'd be wondering what kind of stalker are you to be googling etc.

Supermanspants · 26/10/2015 18:43

He may well be waiting to see how things progress. I imagine he is probably thoughtful about the fact he has lied about his age. I don't think lying about age is an indicator that someone is not serious.

MrsJorahMormont · 26/10/2015 18:44

This happened to me OP, way back when I was OD. Went on a few dates with a guy who subtracted about six years from his age. It later transpired he lied about his uni background too - so said he went to a prestigious uni when he actually went elsewhere and then did a short course at the other uni.

His age and his Uni meant NOTHING to me but the lying did. I ended things and told him exactly why.

Supermanspants · 26/10/2015 18:45

see Googling someone does not mean someone is a stalker. We live in an internet age where so much information is freely available on the net. Hardly stalking is it.

TheWildRumpyPumpus · 26/10/2015 18:49

Is it normal not to know someone's surname till the 3rd /4th date? I thought that was sleeping together....

When I used to do OLD I'd let my mate know "I've gone to meet Roger McBalls, in Wetherspoons at 8pm - if you don't hear from me By 11pm call the cops'.

Supermanspants · 26/10/2015 18:50

Mrs I guess some people just lack the confidence to be comfortable in their own skin. I suppose people don't really consider that at some point they may have to come clean. It may be a case of they will divulge when they feel perhaps someone has indicated they like them and they have established a connection hoping it will not be an issue.

That said, there are also those who tell absolute whoppers. I dated someone who told me they earned £150,000. They didn't even have a job.

BitOutOfPractice · 26/10/2015 18:51

I don't think googling is stalkerish at all. I think it's a sensible safety precaution.

Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:52

Seeyounearertime

I don't lie about my age, never have, and I've had plenty of tinder dates (it was me who didn't want second dates if it didn't go any further).

Listen. When you are a female dating men who you know nothing about, it's prudent, sensible and pretty standard to check that there is nothing sketchy online that might alert you to something unsavoury.

The very nature of OLD means I don't have any mutual contacts or points of reference to go by whatsoever, so yeah, of course I'm going to use my brain and utilise the internet. I'd be a bit obtuse not to. Stalking him would be sitting outside his flat in my car watching him surreptitiously.

OP posts:
amarmai · 26/10/2015 18:54

we all lie about our age by doing botox, wearing make up, dying our grey hair etc . If this is the only lie , i`d hold fire and give him a shot if you like him.

Original poster
HotNatured · 26/10/2015 18:55

TheWildRumpyPumpus

I'd say fairly standard to not know a tinder date's surname at the beginning of date 2.

OP posts:
NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/10/2015 18:56

My ex lied about his age. It turned out to be the first of many lies and he was a fucking sociopath. I'd give this chap a wide berth.

starfishmummy · 26/10/2015 18:56

I would be more bothered by the fact that he was keeping his surname quiet than by he age thing. He's hiding more than his age imo

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