Hate that I'm in an unfair relationship but feel so stuck

[Candycrushed11]

I know I need to LTB - bottom line, that is what I need to do.
I've name changed as posted a while back about him, but if anyone does happen to recognise the details please please don't say..

We are broke. Only I work, part time even though I have mental health problems. He won't get a job and will only do his music.

He has decided he's going to a gig in a few weeks, overnight. Its going to cost around £60-£70. I asked him today while he was busy booking his tickets where the money has come from...he was very defensive and says its HIS spending money that everyone's entitled to. I tried to gently point out that I'm working to pay the bills in a job I DETEST which he knows.

It escalated, he basically told me to be quiet as hes concentrating on booking his tickets. I called myself a name out of frustration and because I'm so down on myself, he then got our son involved and started swearing and saying "Mum is a fucking nightmare isn't she" for causing all this and that I like to argue, that I've wound him up so have caused him now to be so nasty. He then demanded I pay for new guitar strings for all of his guitars and I need to work a few more hours to pay for them - I said in front of my son that he better get a job then to pay for them - he went mad and said "Do I look like a fucking loser to you? You think I'm the kind of twat that actually has to get a job?".
I said he is a terrible role model and he got even angrier, saying hes a brilliant role model for not putting up with some crappy minimum wage job. Great! Can't wait to go to work on Monday. He then said he'll be spending our rent money on guitar strings and I'll have to work more to cover this.

I told him I want him out and he said he's not going anywhere. I said I want us to split up, he said "You know where the door is"...

I'm so infuriated and trapped, its weighing on my mind that I'm teaching my son a terrible example about relationships, what a mess I am in :(

Sorry for long post! Please can anyone hold my hand??

Hello everyone thanks to all x

Springdaffs I'm so grateful for your kind words, I'm glad you got away - interesting that in the end it was something as seemingly trivial as a cloth being used incorrectly. I'm theorising that our brains repress the very big, scary, obviously abusive behaviour over time and then in a 'safer' moment it will trigger our survival instinct and push us to get the hell out! Like self preservation, not sure if that makes sense...

Thanks for not thinking I'm a nightmare, I've been told its me that brings on his reactions so many times that a big part of me believes it now. I always wonder if he'd be like this with another woman, when I've asked him he says yes if she pissed him off the way I do.

I will google FOG as that does sound awfully familiar, yes I am struggling with the part of my brain that says I wind him up, question him etc, overreact to everything, and the part of me that screams "NO!!!" He is abusing you! What doesn't help is his family are bemused when I say abuse, they say we're as bad as each other and he's been unhappy since he met me

Thanks cozie for being so nice to me, I never do think I'm doing well at all, I should have left years ago when he was even nastier, calling me a cunt daily and worse, horrible things that haunt me.

Hi acrossthepond thank you for sharing what happened with you...you're a hero to me! Sounds ott but I mean it, that must have taken some serious inner strength. You went through so much with him and pushed your way out of it with determination. Wishing you happiness always for your future

What do you call a musician without a girlfriend?

Homeless.

He's cocklodger personified.

Get rid.

Gosh, thanks.

I'm not a hero, just a woman who finally put herself first. It all seems to sort of fall into place once you do that. It may not be the exact place you expected, but it is your place!

Good one, lightnulbon. And so true.

Yes acrossthepond I hear what you're saying, its ultimately about putting yourself first. I've spoken to women's aid, going to see someone there on weds. Also starting the Freedom Programme, had a long chat with the facilitator of it which helped.
I know its slow action I'm taking, but at least its not standing still, frozen to the spot.

Sorry lightbulb I spelt your name wrong

Wonderful! I know you'll get lots of support. As far as 'slow' you are going at the speed that feels right to you and remember the tortoise and the hare; "Slow and steady wins the race".

You're doing marvelously!

So glad you've spoken to Women's Aid and will be doing the Freedom Programme. Well done!

Thank you both so much x

I'm determined to be free. He is so horrible to me, we've just had another row as he blamed me for the way he spoke to me the other night and because I dared to refuse this blame he panicked and started saying I'm ill, I'm out of control, I'm not right in the head...i just stared calmly at him and told him I'm getting him out of my life and one of us WILL be gone soon.

I'm a very forgiving person but there's only so much someone will take.

Bloody good for you

What a hissy little drama queen he is

Expect lots more amateur dramatics, but treat them all with the cool disdain you have just displayed

Brilliant! You're on your way!

(Sorry to gush )

Thanks AnyFucker and springy

Oh I'm expecting plenty of drama, I have research EA a ridiculous amount over the past year and most of the time can spot his tactics and predict his next sentence when he's going off on one. I call him out on them now, and name his exact abusive behaviour. It feeds his belief that I'm paranoid and mentally ill. That's ok, the worm is turning in the background.

'Researched* that should say.