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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

He sent me the wrong message on whatsapp

88 replies

Nevergoingtolearn · 16/10/2015 07:20

I am hoping I'm being silly, seeing a new guy, we talk a lot on whatsapp as he lives quite far away ( see each other at weekends ), last night I told him I was going to sleep at half ten, he said 'goodnight' etc... 10 minutes later I get a message that made no sense followed by another, neither were anything interesting but they ended with lots of xxxxxxx's Hmm, I then get a message at 5am saying he doesn't know where these messages come from. I haven't replied to him as I'm not sure what to say Sad. Why would a man put kisses on the end of a message unless it's to a close family member or his girlfriend?

Am I being silly by worrying? The relationship is very new and after being messed around by several men I don't feel I'm ready to trust him.

What do I say to him? Do I just ask who the messages were meant to be for?

OP posts:
MrsEricBana · 16/10/2015 10:32

Oh poor you. Could be plausible but equally might not be. I have done a sign song "Love yooouu!" at the end of a phonecall to a same sex totally platonic friend before now like I would to dh ( Blush ) and I do put multiple xxxx on texts to close female friends too BUT I doubt blokes do that. Hope you resolve it. I think getting him to show you the chain of Whatsapp messages is a good idea.

Lweji · 16/10/2015 10:33

He quite often messages me after I have signed off (said goodnight ) usually to say he misses me or because he can't sleep
That alone is a red flag!

threenotfour · 16/10/2015 10:37

Tbh I would give him the benefit of the doubt. You don't want to throw away a good relationship just because mumsnet is full of suspicious people OP. I. I have sent plenty of messages to the wrong people and written messages to the wrong person and also put kisses on the end of the wrong message in an inappropriate way. I've done it on the end of the work emails when not paying attention and I saw kisses on a post on mumsnet this week and the next post was saying 'argh oops sorry about the kisses forgot what I was typing.'

ChilliAndMint · 16/10/2015 10:37

OP, I just had a look at one of your previous threads...is he the needy man, who is OTT and drinks a lot; the one you suspect has MH issues?

Laquitar · 16/10/2015 10:40

Tbh it is not so much about who the text was for. It could be for his friend or for another woman (who is involved with her ex and he tells her to sort out this shit).
But why is he texting people all night,why is he up at 5, why drinking mid week? Maybe i am too old and you are young but this would put me off. Does he drink much?
Does he work?

Olddear · 16/10/2015 10:44

Sorry, but you both sound like a couple of 14yr olds. He didn't know where the messages came from, then they were to his mate, so he did know and sent his 'mate' kisses.....now, you want to ask him to see screen shots of his mates messages in reply, I'm exhausted just reading this. I wouldn't give him one more minute of my time! Dump.

Original poster
Nevergoingtolearn · 16/10/2015 10:45

Chilli, he is a bit needy and OTT at times, he calmed down a lot and things were going well, he does drink from time to time ( when he visits his best mate ) but not that often.

He doesn't message all night, I go to bed quite early, I said goodnight to him hpjust after 10pm, he messaged me just before half ten and then 5 minutes later I got the 2 messages supposedly for his mate, then nothing until 5am.

OP posts:
AyeAmarok · 16/10/2015 10:49

do I go and see him Sunday and ask to see the the chat with his mate on his phone?

This is exactly what I was about to suggest you do.

BaronessEllaSaturday · 16/10/2015 10:53

It is easy to make a mistake and send a message to the wrong person.

It is easy to make a mistake and put kisses when you didn't mean to.

However making both errors twice in quick succession is not as likely and then making up at least one lie to cover it up gets about as suspect as it can be. cut your losses and move on there are plenty of men out there who won't have you doubting yourself like this.

Hurr1cane · 16/10/2015 10:55

I'd ask to see the messages to be honest. He could very easily send you a screen shot of them now. If he says he deleted them. Then bin him

MumOfTheMoment · 16/10/2015 10:57

It would take seconds to screenshot the convo with his "mate" and forward it to you to prove his story. Just ask.

CocoPlum · 16/10/2015 11:06

Could the ones with lots of kisses actually be for you? I've sent messages like that before.

LucySnow12 · 16/10/2015 11:31

I would also believe him at this point. The messages themselves don't sound like they are written to a woman. They do seem to be part of another conversation.

TheMarxistMinx · 16/10/2015 11:40

Me thinks he lies.

He said he didn't know where they came from...ah but he did

If he was in the middle of a convo with his mate and went back to the thread to answer his mate...he would have seen the two messages he supposedly sent to said friend were missing!

He panicked and tried to cover his tracks, he lied to you are 5am

If, the messages were intended for his mate and the content of those messages were consistent with what was being discussed, one or two kisses might be a mistake, several kisses...shows intention.

Lastly, and very very significantly, if he is saying now "oh my friend will think I'm mad sending those messages with kisses on" he again lies...because he said he hadn't sent them to his friend, he sent them to you by mistake.

Weekend romance, text relationship the rest of the time, Online dating, I too think he is probably hedging his bets and there are other women in the loop.

Good luck with this one.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/10/2015 11:40

My concerns would be;

  • He wasn't messaging you both at the same time. You'd gone to sleep.
  • He should have been able to look at the messages and think; "I meant to send that to X!", not "Where did they come from?".
  • You said he was needy and insecure and now he's getting better. I wonder if he's not, infact, getting better, but instead has someone else to direct a bit of his attention and energy towards, which makes him seem less needy to you.

I'd usually say maybe it was a mistake, maybe it was a slip of the hand (twice!) but your mind seems to have gone straight to this being confirmation that he is cheating, and your intuition is usually right.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 16/10/2015 11:41

Actually, there's no way that twice, in fast succession, he accidentally added kisses to messages to the wrong person, and then accidentally sent the messages to you.

That's four mistakes, in five minutes. And then he lied about it.

TheStoic · 16/10/2015 12:32

The content of the messages makes his explanation sound believable, that they were for his mate.

His saying that he didn't know where they came from is ridiculous, though. He's either stupid, or lying to get out of trouble is his default. Lie first, think later.

Either way, I imagine it has left a very bad taste in your mouth and I'd find it hard to bounce back from that.

Whoknewitcouldbeso · 16/10/2015 12:40

He doesn't sound a catch to me. I would fling this one back in.

TheMarxistMinx · 16/10/2015 12:48

OP is this Mr Needy or the guy you met for the first time on the 10th October? Confused!

So if this is Mr Needy, then you met Mr 2hs away while you are seeing him, in which case why does it matter if he is seeing other people?

Or

If this is Mr 2 hrs away, is he needy too? and if it is Mr 2hrs away then you only met him on the 10th October...how can you say you see each other every weekend and you are now exclusive...this is crazy.

mewkins · 16/10/2015 13:08

I would say, ok prove it and show me all the whatsapp messages on your phone. You will be able to check dates and times to see if they match up. If he was lying he would have deleted them etc.

iamanintrovert · 16/10/2015 13:12

Overall he just doesn't sound like a keeper.

Imgivinguponyou · 16/10/2015 15:26

You've only just met this guy haven't you? It can't be worth all this angst
surely.

ILiveAtTheBeach · 16/10/2015 17:38

You'll only get to the bottom of this, if you sneak a look at his phone! I don't know if that's even possible for you?

An ExBF of mine did this and he WAS cheating. Having been cheated on many times, I was very suspicious of my DH when we met, and he did send me a few texts that I completely mis-interpreted. I went in to a tail spin, only for there to be a very good explanation. How stupid I felt.

My Sister had a really funny meltdown once. Her DH (before they married) left his phone at home by accident and she couldn't resist a peak...there were a few pics of a nice looking blonde on there...we were texting all day about it and she was getting more and more worked up....when he got home she went mental, threw his phone at him with dramatic "Who's this??"...to which he replied "That's fucking Sarah Beany you dope - I downloaded the Property Ladder App" [embarrassed]

So, to sum up, it's easy to jump to conclusions when you are vulnerable!! If you can't get a peak at his phone, his general behaviour with his phone will tell you all you need - if it's left lying about you are ok!! If it's hidden, you may have a problem.

Flowers
FackingEll · 16/10/2015 19:37

I think he's lying - because of what everyone else has said. He could have sent you screenshots of the convo in question with his 'mate' to reassure you but he hasn't, has he? Even though he knows you are concerned and he's trying to make it alright.

I think this early on I would bail. If you'd been together a while it might be worth getting to the bottom of but you hardly know him. It shouldn't be this hard work at the start.

Waltermittythesequel · 16/10/2015 19:43

If it had been the other way around wouldn't you have sent a screenshot of the other conversation as proof??

Here's the thing: even if he's telling the truth, that doubt is there and really, it's so new this shouldn't even be an issue.

I've gotten mistaken messages and sent them before. I believed they were innocent.

Seems like your instinct is telling you something different on this one?

In saying that, I once watched dh respond to an email from an employee with xxx because he was so used to messages me! Blush Grin

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