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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

Someone has reported me to SS.....

101 replies

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/10/2015 11:30

My anxiety is now through the roof and my head is pounding.

It was done anonymously, the reasons being:

DD watches shows like NCIS. Not true, I dont watch NCIS, anything I do watch she doesnt.
She watches youtube clips of GTA. Not true, only thing she watches on youtube is paw patrol and barbie things.
I have rotting food in the kitchen. Not true, I have a compost bin outside my front door for it.
There is no where to sit down in the living because it's so cluttered. Not true, you can walk in to my living and sit without having to move anything.
She never says please or thank you. It's true for strangers, but not for people she knows. We are working on it.
She doesnt talk to people and she just sits and stares at them. Not true, she doesnt stare, she just isnt sure how to talk to them. she is very shy around people she doesnt know. Around people she does she will talk to them like any normal 8 year old would.

I've been a single mum for 6 years without little support from her father, this is the 3rd time, I've had this. It makes me feel like a evil mother from hell and I dont deserve to have her.

I have no idea who would call up about me. I havent pissed anyone off to warrant a malicious report, only people who come over are friends and family.

Just need to vent about it, because crying isnt helping.

OP posts:
FannyFanakapan · 14/10/2015 20:22

my friend was referred by her new, childless MIL because amongst other things, she made her kids wear odd socks!!

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 14/10/2015 23:25

I was reported anonymously for leaving my daughter downstairs alone one night and going to bed (she was 15 then) and for having gone off food in the fridge. Both of which were true. I strongly suspect it was my ex.

What angers me though is not that people make malicious referrals, but that SS take the time of day to investigate. They must know they are malicious statements but I suppose it looks good on their books when it comes to number crunching.

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/10/2015 06:16

I know. It's just creepy when you get told someone has reported you for that weird shit. Especially concerning my DD. She doesnt stare at people. If she knows you she'll talk to you. If not, she wont make much eye contact.

OP posts:
bunique · 15/10/2015 09:09

They check every referral because the law requires them to. Not to mention the national apoplexy when a child known to social services comes to harm.

Katedotness1963 · 15/10/2015 10:53

I was maliciously reported to CPS years ago. Fortunately (???) at the time I was childless and going through fertility treatment. The social workers left my house and went to the neighbours two doors down, people I had never interacted with in any way.

BitOutOfPractice · 15/10/2015 11:16

How odd and upsetting for you OP - hope you and DD are OK

Sighing · 15/10/2015 11:40

I was maliciously reported to SS by my ex (the day I filed for divorce). They and the solicitor (and the police, his allegations were vile) said it was quite usual for exes to behave in this way (though usually more minor things). I'm amazed he never received some caution for such fabrications as the investigation took in time from school teachers, health visitor, social workers, police as well as me, children, my parents.
I get the impression he was encouraged to on a forum for nrp's. Hmm Pretty awful. Mumsnet etc user's advice is to communicate and do things (legitimately) officially.

Sigma33 · 15/10/2015 12:31

I don't think it means it must be someone who has been in your house - those are all things that people could allege without having been inside. So it doesn't mean you need to suspect the people closest to you.

I would ask for confirmation that no further action is being taken. So stressful, but sounds like you're doing really well so try not to let it knock you.

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 15/10/2015 19:07

I had a little moment this morning after a patient was getting snarky to me on the phone. I managed to stay though. Bloody knackered now.

OP posts:
CherryPicking · 16/10/2015 21:19

'She never says please or thank you' SWs on this thread - is that actually a meaningful allegation to begin with?

SoleBizzzz · 17/10/2015 19:24

Line can anybody find out whom reported them to SS maliciously using the 'Subject Data Rights Access'?

Was it expensive?

SmillasSenseOfSnow · 17/10/2015 19:53

Tali, I really hope you don't take this the wrong way if I'm just way off the mark (really tired Blush), but the way you explain that it can't have been your mum sounds a lot to me like you're trying to make yourself believe it wasn't her.

bunique · 17/10/2015 20:26

SoleBizzz - a Subject Access Request costs £10. If the person making the allegation has asked to remain anonymous, you will not be told who they are, that information (along with any other identifying information) should be removed from any documentation released to you.

sykadelic · 17/10/2015 20:40

OP - I don't think it's anyone that's been in your house actually. I would say it's someone that knows you, and knows your DD, but doesn't know you well.

Think about all the things you've been told:

  • DD doesn't say please or thank you" - how she reacts to strangers
  • DD just sits and stares" - has to be a stranger
  • DD watches shows like NCIS - false
  • DD watches GTA YouTube clips - false

I'd say it started there and when those weren't enough they listed the things they didn't know like:

  • house is cluttered - false
  • rotting food in the kitchen - false

So their complaints weren't that you're abusing her, they were that you're neglecting her. And if you were abusing her that's easy to disprove. The neglect is just made up shit. So it's about her, not about you.

I really think it might be her Dad or his family. After all, if you're neglecting here (which you aren't obviously) he'd be contacted wouldn't he?

OR it's someone that is upset wit you and wants to stress you out so they picked things that are easily disproved. Who have you told about the way their last visit made you feel? I'd be suspicious of them.

Either way, you have nothing to worry about because you know it's all bullshit. It's upsetting to have someone spread lies though :(

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/10/2015 21:19

Smilla, It's not my mum, she wouldnt do that. My mum would just tell me herself if she thought there was an issue. She is not afraid to speak her mind. Plus she adores DD she wouldnt do anything to bring upset to her life.

It wouldnt be her dad, he'd have no reason to do it, he's having her in the term as is his parents.

That said, I dont give a fuck who did it, they are just sad little cunts who need to check themselves out.

OP posts:
valentinemum10 · 18/10/2015 01:31

Somebody from your child's school?

Imgivinguponyou · 18/10/2015 06:24

Exh reported me complete with photos of my home. Social services checked everything including the dc's bedrooms and interviewed the children. They told him they were satisfied there were no issues but it didn't stop him doing it again and again.

LadyLonely1 · 18/10/2015 07:45

Sorry you had to go through that awful experience op. I'm not sure why people are also trying to pin it on your dm either Hmm
I also think it's a stranger rather than someone you know, as all those false allegations were so off the mark. As for no please or thank you's - that seriously can't be something to report,
Sounds like you are a great mum and doing well Smile

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 18/10/2015 07:53

Thanks Lady. I dont care who it is. I've been a single mum for 6 of the 8 years DD has been around. I do my best to raise her and she has a very sweet nature and a lot of people have commented on about how well behaved she is.

The please and thank you thing is ridiculous. She does say it, but she wont to strangers as she doesnt like accepting things from them. She gets a bit anxious around people she doesnt know. Once she knows them, she'll never shut up talking.

OP posts:
ObsidianBlackbirdMcNight · 18/10/2015 08:05

I suppose it looks good on their books when it comes to number crunching

No no no. Referrals are investigated because they have to be. Many referrals don't get past initial screening. Believe me, they have enough genuine referrals to get through without welcoming stupid ones.
Not saying please and thank you per se are not concerns. However social anxiety in an 8 year old as part of a pattern of wider neglect or other concerns is part of a bigger picture.

Badbadtromance · 18/10/2015 13:24

Been reported several times myself. Of course now single mum such as I could afford to live in such a nice neighbourhood as mine without either drug dealing or selling sexHmm

LineyReborn · 18/10/2015 15:46

SoleBizz It's a ten pound fee maximum to issue a DPA request. Social Services were absolutely upfront with me about my ExH being the source of the allegations.

Original poster
TaliZorahVasNormandy · 17/01/2016 19:45

For anyone interested, It was my teenage sister who reported me to SS. No doubt encouraged by her little cockwomble of a boyfriend.

OP posts:
BeautyGoesToBenidorm · 17/01/2016 19:53

Your sister?! On what grounds?

LeanneBattersby · 17/01/2016 19:54

Gosh that's truly awful. Have you spoken to her about why she would do such a thing?

Hope,all was ok with SS in the end Flowers

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