Someone has reported me to SS.....

[TaliZorahVasNormandy]

My anxiety is now through the roof and my head is pounding.

It was done anonymously, the reasons being:

DD watches shows like NCIS. Not true, I dont watch NCIS, anything I do watch she doesnt.
She watches youtube clips of GTA. Not true, only thing she watches on youtube is paw patrol and barbie things.
I have rotting food in the kitchen. Not true, I have a compost bin outside my front door for it.
There is no where to sit down in the living because it's so cluttered. Not true, you can walk in to my living and sit without having to move anything.
She never says please or thank you. It's true for strangers, but not for people she knows. We are working on it.
She doesnt talk to people and she just sits and stares at them. Not true, she doesnt stare, she just isnt sure how to talk to them. she is very shy around people she doesnt know. Around people she does she will talk to them like any normal 8 year old would.

I've been a single mum for 6 years without little support from her father, this is the 3rd time, I've had this. It makes me feel like a evil mother from hell and I dont deserve to have her.

I have no idea who would call up about me. I havent pissed anyone off to warrant a malicious report, only people who come over are friends and family.

Just need to vent about it, because crying isnt helping.

I've been thinking about who I know and who knows DD.

My mum wouldnt do it because she would just rather give me a hard time herself.
Best friend wouldnt because she knows what happened last time.
None of my family would and we arent that close but get on well.
My ex probably wouldnt. He's not useless but not malicious and hasnt been to my house in a long time.
His family wouldnt either, they just arent like that.

They are the only people who come to my home and know DD.

Tali, dont get yourself in a state about WHO involved SS - the stuff they have said is demonstrably wrong, so let the facts speak for themselves. The person who reported you will not be getting an update on anything, so just co-operate with SS, and let the case die a death. You know you care for your child and that she is a healthy and well adjusted. So dont worry. SS will see that too.

"My mum wouldnt do it because she would just rather give me a hard time herself"

How does she 'give you a hard time'? Are you sure that this is not an extension of that?

but yes as Fanny said, best not to expend too much energy on 'who'.

No, my mum is lovely in many ways and supportive. If she thinks I need a talking to, she'll do it. She certainly wouldnt make things up.

If it's an Ex, or a pattern of unpleasantness from a toxic family member, then the 'who' can matter very much in order to get it stopped.

The waste of resources in dealing with these lies is also appalling.

Liney I was referring to genuinely anonymous referrals. Sometimes absolutely no-one knows where they came from. Especially ones that come via NSPCC web forms. Trust me i have tried to get this information for families!

The woman said it was anonymous, they didnt know who made the report. Last time someone reported me, they knew who it came from but didnt to tell me.

I had this happen to me some years ago OP.

It turned out to be a nasty, b**ch of a curtain twitcher, obviously with nothing better to do with her time than spy on a single mother all day long and judging me for everything little thing I did.

She reported me because she saw me come out of my house one Friday morning without my child, and as we all know - if a single mother leaves the house, on her own, without her child, then she has to be up to no good.

The truth of the matter was - I had a dental appointment. I had arranged for my mother to come round and babysit while I went for the appointment.
Curtain twitcher didn't see my mother arrived.
If I had been married, I am convinced to this day that she wouldn't have reported me.
But, the fact I was a single mother made her think the worst of me.

OP, stay strong and be polite to SS.
If you need to vent, come on here.
There are a lot of people who sympathize with you.

I feel so sorry for single parents.

The reporting culture is awful, isn't it? I'm so sorry that someone had nothing better to do than hurt you. I am sure that you have nothing to worry about, but I'm sure it's very painful for you.

Well they never called me back. I suppose this means that the case is closed.

Had a chat with DD's godmother, she wasnt impressed that someone did that.

She never says please or thank you

Someone actually reported this fact to social services?! Who was it, Hyacinth Bucket?

That was what I was told by SS.

She does say it, to people she knows, she struggles with strangers. She's not being rude, she just struggles.

But yes, thats what someone said. My friend said if that was the case, half of britain would need to be spoken too.

I suspect if someone complained to ss that a child didn't say please or thankyou they would investigate it because they had to but think it was either a malicious call or a call by someone with mental health issues.

Either way, don't worry (easier said than done, I know). What they 'reported' wouldn't cause ss a great deal of concern and they probably think the person who would report such nonsense was not in their right minds. They have to follow it up, but she more or less told you it was nothing of nothing when she said consider it case closed if she doesn't call you.

As to who it was...I would consider the ex or his mother as the most likely people or maybe a nosey neighbour. I can see how this might make you feel paranoid. Maybe tell them about it and see how they react?

Who was in your life the first time you were reported AND the second AND NOW?

Rule everyone out that it couldn't be.

My money is on the one that is critical of you consistently.

Your mother cleaning at the slightest speck of dust and having a go at you makes me think it's her.

My mother would make up all kinds of shit about how wonderful a mother she was to me while always doing the complete opposite.

Well they never called me back. I suppose this means that the case is closed.

I don't think this is good enough, OP.

In my LA, the family and the referrer (if it's an agency such as school) will get a letter saying the outcome of the referral, even if it's no further action from children's services.

You really shouldn't have to make assumptions based on not hearing back from the SW. Could you give her a ring to find out for sure and put your mind at rest?

It was a referral from hospital first time after I overdosed.

It was a woman from START. They stated it was a bruise on her leg.

It wouldnt be my mum. She just wouldnt do it. She wouldnt bring that upset to me certainly not DD.

I dont know who would do. I dont have that many close people in my life. If there was an issue the people I know would tell me straight. No SS needed.

I'll have to wait til friday before I can do anything. I'm at work all day tomorrow.

Could you phone them in your lunch hour?

Oh dear. Have some .

I actually don't think it matters too much who phoned SS. What matters is that you can demonstrate that the allegations are untrue, and it sounds as though you can.

My DD is only 4, but is also painfully shy. She gets on OK at school but won't talk to anyone she doesn't know and, therefore, wouldn't say please & thank you to them either! I'm pretty sure I was the same.

SS are not terribly concerned about a cluttered house, so long as it is still a safe environment for a child to live in. Having to move a few things to sit down won't worry them unduly.

Try not to worry, I understand that's easier said than done but I'm sure SS will be able to see that your DD is happy & healthy and well cared for.

I would say try and calm down but I had this and it took me years to relax.

In my case it was a friend and another friend jumped on the bandwagon. Sw came round, spoke to me and apologised saying she had to follow up everything. I worked out who'd reported it because it was the only person present when the accident happened.

I then had an email from my friend admitting what she'd done and suggested I may have PND (ds was 2.5) and he'd said things like "Why doesn't mummy love me". He's autistic and barely had any language at that age! She basically was talking crap and i showed SW the email a few days later. She'd met ds and said she's basically embellishing the truth by about 4 words! He'd have managed mummy!

I was told I'd get a letter saying case closed. I haven't still - over 8 years later!

If she is speaking to school and closing case without a visit she clearly believes what your saying. She'd be on your doorstep like a shock if they had real concerns of immediate danger.

I spoke to my mum, she said it was creepy and weird that someone would say things like that. She wouldnt even know who would do it.

Now I need to clean the hamster out with DD.

Two thoughts from me;

1. you should have confirmation in writing that there is no further action being taken; you may also want to request a copy of the social worker's initial assessment for your own records/peace of mind

2. if a referrer has asked to remain anonymous, even if they disclose to the authority who they are, this should absolutely not be disclosed as part of a Subject Access Request and any authority which has done so could (and should) find themselves in very deep water. So you are unlikely to find out unless there are specific details in the referral that a person was present for as a pp has said.

I can't imagine how stressful this has been for you. You mention your anxiety - before the door to SS closes are you sure there's no support they could try and access for you? Best of luck

Have you always co-operated with any services you have been referred to? I have had dealings with all of them due to my MH issues.

I have cooperated with them. We havent had any involvement with any for a while now.