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Original poster

8 weeks pregnant and he wants me to have an abortion

66 replies

whatnext37 · 07/10/2015 22:33

Hey
I'm not even sure if this is the place for it but I just feel alone and need someone to talk to.
I am pregnant. It is the result of a one night stand.
I have in the past had some concerns around my reproductive health, I lost an ovary about 10 years ago, and more recently had to have surgery to remove a fibroid that grew to 9 pounds.
I have never tried to get pregnant, and I thought we had been safe in using condoms although I now believe the guy may have taken his chances.
I've been straight with the guy from the off and we met face to face tonight. He is desperate for me to terminate. He has threatened all sorts of nasty stuff and says he will do anything to make sure I don't have the baby.
I just feel so afraid of what to do next.
I want this baby so badly but i don;t want it to grow up feeling unwanted. I don't want it to be born into a conflict environment.
He says I should be happy that now I know I can get pregnant I should terminate and find a proper relationship. Boy. I wish that was my situation but I already feel connected to this little one and what if this really is my only chance? Just because it happened easily this time doesn;t mean it would again. He says i am ruining his life. I feel awful. Am I being cruel having this child in these circumstances? Is the kindest thing to terminate? Being a single mum will be hard but i really want this baby. Oh, i'm sorry, I just thought i might find someone on here who had been in a similar situation.
Thanks in advance for any thoughts.

OP posts:
Efferlunt · 07/10/2015 22:36

I don't have any experience to help you with this but I'm really sorry about your difficult situation. It's your body and your pregnancy. You need to take care of yourself and think about what you want. Don't be pressured into anything.

Jeffreythegiraffe · 07/10/2015 22:39

It's your body and your choice, don't let him pressure you into anything you don't want to do. He sounds horrible. Do not terminate for someone else.

TheoriginalLEM · 07/10/2015 22:39

please don't let him bully you. This is YOUR BABY and YOUR BODY and he can get to fuck. if he threatens you again. go to the police.

starlight2007 · 07/10/2015 22:44

The only doubts seems to be this guy..Personally I would block him/ not listen to him and make your decision. He is clear about his but you are carrying this baby.

Your posts sounds very much like you want this baby so focus on figuring out how to make this work for you and this baby.

BathtimeFunkster · 07/10/2015 22:47

Hang on, you think he lied about using a condom?

And he's threatening you if you don't terminate?

He sounds like a dangerous bastard and this might be a police matter.

halfpaintedwalls · 07/10/2015 22:48

I am so sorry you are going through this. Is your safety at risk? Can you distance yourself from this awful man?

Do not terminate if you do not want to.

He says for you to "find a proper relationship".
You'll have one ... with your beautiful baby.

Congratulations x

JeffsanArsehole · 07/10/2015 22:50

What does 'threatened all sorts of nasty stuff' mean?

Tell the police. Have your baby. Your body, your baby, your choice.

And don't shag an arsehole like him again Wink

HerRoyalNotness · 07/10/2015 22:50

You want this baby, it will feel wanted by you. If this guy is a one night stand does he even have to be in your/the baby's life?

I agree with the PP about his threatening you, don't let him do it again, call the police if he does

Footle · 07/10/2015 22:51

Your body, your choice.

StarkyTheDirewolf · 07/10/2015 22:52

This is your body and your choice. Don't be bullied into a termination you are not sure about. You are not ruining his life, fuck that kind of attitude. Don't let him make decisions for you. I'd you want this baby. Keep it. Don't be led by him. He sounds like a dick. If he threatens you, go to the police and report him. To be honest, I'd be inclined to log any threats he has made up to now too. Good luck

NameChange30 · 07/10/2015 22:54

"I thought we had been safe in using condoms although I now believe the guy may have taken his chances."

Just to be clear, did you ask him to use a condom but are not sure whether he actually used one?

If you wanted to use a condom and he didn't use one, he forced unprotected sex without your consent. This is a sexual offence, as far as I'm aware. And if he was so sure that he didn't want to father a child he should damn well have used a condom.

Pressuring you to have an abortion is completely unacceptable. It's your body, your choice. You said it was a ONS so you're not in a relationship with him, which means he gets no say whatsoever. Even if you were in a relationship it would still be wrong of him to pressure you in this way. It's emotional blackmail.

My advice would be to cut all contact and block him (on your phone and on social media). Talk to people who will support you to make the right decision for you. There are organisations that offer counselling for women making this decision, just make sure they are impartial and don't have a hidden anti-abortion agenda.

You could also post in "Pregnancy choices" if you like.

Good luck Flowers

LemonPied · 07/10/2015 22:54

Your body, your choice. OP we are with you on this and will help you stand strong whatever your decision.
Report anything to the police which threatens you.
We are with you and you are strong.

WorzelsCornyBrows · 07/10/2015 22:55

This is absolutely your choice. Do not terminate if it is not what you want.

If he's making threats, keep all evidence and tell him you've informed someone in case anything happens to you and if he threatens anything else you will take it straight to the police. He can't get away with behaving that way. Or go to the police now with what you have, up to you.

Offred · 07/10/2015 22:57

Take him completely out of the equation.

You are already pregnant.

You don't want to have an abortion and you want to keep the baby.

In these circumstances having an abortion just for him would be awful for you.

He can't expect you to be held responsible for his life and his choices.

You suspect he didn't use a condom even though you expected him to? So he exposed you to the risk of pregnancy and STIs? And now you are pregnant you are ruining his life?!

He needs to grow up. This is not how adults behave.

There are never any guarantees about what type of father someone turns out to be, I would suggest that given your circumstances abortion is simply not an option for you and therefore the prospect the child may have a shit father is something you have to face and can't change like many women do when they find out much later and after the baby is born.

Original poster
whatnext37 · 07/10/2015 22:57

Thanks everyone.

yes, he lied about the condom (without going into too much detail he used one but it wasn't only once) and in terms of threats, he's saying he will tell social services awful things about me and so they take the baby. (which is ridiculous I know) The night we spent together was a reckless evening and he says he will share all the gory details etc We had an email exchange after the event that i would rather he didn't share - it would be highly embarrassing and not show me in the best light but that's all. I don't think he would be violent. If I thought that I would immediately go to the police.
This is such a mess, and never the situation I would have expected myself to be in.
Thanks all for your support. It has helped.

OP posts:
Offred · 07/10/2015 23:02

Do not have anything further to do with him.

Don't be bullied by his threats.

Speak to the police on 101 for advice if you wish.

You've done all that is necessary by informing him of the pregnancy. You don't need to discuss anything else with him at all and I think you should get some distance given his behaviour.

NameChange30 · 07/10/2015 23:03

If you have a written record of the threats he's made (eg emails or screenshots of conversations on social media or by text/what's app/etc) I think you should log them with the police to be on the safe side. Tell him you have logged the threats and if he continues to contact you, or carries out the threats, you will prosecute for harassment.

Please try not to worry about his threats which are just that, threats. Even if he did contact social services, which I doubt he will, they would see through him pretty quickly.

NameChange30 · 07/10/2015 23:04

There is no way on earth they would take your baby away because of what a spiteful bastard ex-ONS says about you.

Ouriana · 07/10/2015 23:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

NameChange30 · 07/10/2015 23:14

Ouriana Shock thank God you got rid of him! Well done.

Spickle · 08/10/2015 08:32

My beautiful and lovely niece was born as a result of a ONS. My DB was immature and didn't want this added complication in his life, nor the responsibility, let alone tell all the family what had happened. There is no doubt things were tough in the early days, but DB did face the responsibility of being a dad, enjoyed sharing the care of his DD and now has a fabulous relationship with her. She has a loving mother and doting father (separately, obviously) and a good life. She's now in her 20s.

What I'm trying to say is that you will be a loving parent to your child and your child will thrive in a loving environment. Whether or not the father is involved is nothing you can force. It may be that things will improve once the baby has arrived and his family will probably want to get to know the newest member of their family or perhaps he will deny all contact, but that will be his loss in years to come.

Best of luck Flowers

Phoenix0x0 · 08/10/2015 09:38

Please contact the police...even just to log this.

It is your choice even if the father has no relationship with the child.

Original poster
whatnext37 · 08/10/2015 09:42

Thank you so much. There is hope!

OP posts:
cozietoesie · 08/10/2015 09:46

Congratulations!

And Yes - have nothing further to do with him.

SunshineAndShadows · 08/10/2015 09:53

Definitely log his threats with police op. Hopefully a chat with them will reassure you and deter him from following through on any threats as he knows he's being monitored
Best of luck