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Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

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Original poster

So the cheater got played

89 replies

rockabillyruby82 · 07/10/2015 15:50

Hey,
I posted on here a couple of weeks ago about my unfortunate discovery that my H had been having an affair.
I slung him out, I've had ups, downs, all the emotions and have wanted him back some days.
Today he came round to see our DS and went out with him. Whilst gone I looked on his computer and he had left himself logged into FB. I read his conversations between him and OW (rotten of me I know)
And it would seem that she proclaimed her love for him and he said he loves her and now that he has left our home and found a place to live she isn't interested! The messages got a bit heated, he was clearly upset and angry at her.
I know I shouldn't but I am taking great joy out of his pain. She obviously wanted a fling with a married man and used him. Now he has nothing.
I think he deserves this. In the messages he spoke about me and how I changed after having PND and he didn't love me anymore.
I'm 19 weeks pregnant, I'm scared and anxious about the future but this had made it a little brighter.
Am I a bitch??

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/10/2015 19:40

Until he moves into new place he's looking after DS here

Of course he should see his son, but regarding the new place you might want to prepare yourself for a blizzard of reasons why he "can't quite move in yet"

It's painfully clear that he expects, with just a little more persuasion, that all will return to normal and he'll get his nice settled life and family back

And then he can return to shagging around, but being more careful next time

Original poster

rockabillyruby82 · 08/10/2015 19:42

It's references holding him back at the mo. We shall see huh

OP posts:

Puzzledandpissedoff · 08/10/2015 19:48

The point about the references is reasonably credible - except that the referee will probably prove to be on holiday / ill / busy / substitute other reason

Then the property will need some sort of inspection (see above for what follows) and on and on while he works to wear you down

Be careful, rockabilly - be very, very careful

Baconyum · 08/10/2015 22:01

Not even always that subtle. My charmer sbxh has actually said (in a way as if I should be delighted) " I'd leave (wife 2) and come back to you, I made a mistake, but I can't afford the maintenance" - they're about to have no 4!

Jux · 08/10/2015 23:24

God why are some men so stupid? How can he even thonk you'd have him back, Bacon. I wish there was a rolling eyed emoticon, I'd put dozens in here!

Springy, I have always adored you!

Rockabilly, really, he will be trying any and every trick in the book to get back in. Don't be fooled.

brokenhearted55a · 08/10/2015 23:41

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

iminshock · 09/10/2015 00:24

people forgive cheating spouses all the time and get back together.

perhaps the OP will choose to do this.

I have no idea why only on MN this is never really acknowledged and the general advice is to encourage divorce at all costs

iminshock · 09/10/2015 00:29

Also lots of people are unhappily married, have affairs leave for their lover and it doesn't work out but are still glad they did it because it forced them out of the marriage.

lots of assumptions here about how he will " come crawling back" . he might be sad about the break up but still glad to be out of the marriage.

OP I hope things work out happily for you whatever you and your H decide .

iminshock · 09/10/2015 00:31

I'm friendly with my ex, put kisses on the end of texts sometimes and sit next to him on the sofa when I collect the kids from his but that doesn't mean I am trying to worm myself into his affections Or hoping we will get back together !

Original poster

rockabillyruby82 · 09/10/2015 00:31

I don't think I will iminshock
I won't ever trust him again. I won't be able to have sex with him without thinking of him and her and feeling repulsed.
He'll have to make changes that he won't like/do.

I'd honestly rather be a single mum to 2 than have a relationship where I'll always wonder whether he is sleeping around again, whether he'd be with OW given the opportunity.

How do you forgive something like this?

OP posts:

Original poster

rockabillyruby82 · 09/10/2015 00:36

iminshock in regards to your relationship with your ex, that's you. My life and relationship is very different right now. One day in the distant future this nice attitude towards me will be fine. Right now it's suspicious, you'd have to read the txts that have been sent and received this past week to understand.

OP posts:

Longdistance · 09/10/2015 01:02

To your h

'You've made your bed, now go lie in it...'

Springs to mind!

mimishimmi · 09/10/2015 02:21

It's not bitchy. It sounds like she's one of those women who get a kick out of convincing a married man to cheat but back right off if he leaves the marriage and wants to commit.

Don't gloat over it if it becomes 'officially' known to you but be firm with him that you won't have him back. You've seen from his messages that he doesn't regret his actions (trying to convince her to stay with him) so you do know he'd be coming back to you as a fallback position, not because he was genuinely remorseful and thought he made a mistake (if he's expressed this to OW maybe there'd be room for forgiveness).

SecondMrsAshwell · 09/10/2015 10:44

Well, he can't lie in the bed he's made, can he? OW is in it and has kicked him out.

So perhaps "you've made your bed, but you'll have to lie on the crappy ol' sofa" would be more appropriate.

Rockabilly, you will take a photo of his face when you tell him that you know OW has dumped him, won't you? Have it framed in a big gold frame.

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