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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

What is this mans issue. Loads of seedy rumours.

58 replies

3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 18:54

Does he want me? He looks at me loads, I think he's interested.

EXCEPT

I'm hearing loads of worrying stuff I.e we all thought he was single rumour has it he isn't he's in a secret relationship with someone we know but because of their work situation they're keeping it very quiet. Could be a rumour though.

He has a reputation for being into swinging!! sending cock shots and having a wandering eye. Was on POF when with his last girlfriend but hasn't been seen on it since being with current one (might not actually be with her though!) is divorced but not sure of back story there.

I'm not stupid enough to listen to all these rumours and take them as gospel. He's in his 40s single and still alright looking, I'm single again and wondering if I should move it past him looking at me on to a bit more.

Do you think rumours have to start somewhere or is it just nonsense to be ignored.

OP posts:
MissApple · 06/10/2015 19:04

If he asks you out, just ask him if he has a GF...not hard!

Hypotenuse · 06/10/2015 19:07

He sounds like a real catch Hmm

Wotsitsareafterme · 06/10/2015 19:07

Really??

goddessofsmallthings · 06/10/2015 19:15

His 'issues' are his own business. I suggest you keep it that way and look for a guy whose reputation is unblemished

Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:17

Not as simple as just asking him! From what I've heard they've been together for 2 years! But the fact it's been kept secret makes me think it's nothing, if you know what mean?

OP posts:
SmallLegsOrSmallEggs · 06/10/2015 19:18

Sounds like way way too hard work

AuntieStella · 06/10/2015 19:20

"we all thought he was single, rumour has it he isn't"

Check this point. Ruthlessly

Goingtobeawesome · 06/10/2015 19:20

Sounds like you're priming yourself to be the OW Hmm.

Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:24

I know the "girlfriend". Think there is definitely something to it. Why does he look at me then? She's gorgeous, younger than him, like his last girlfriend. But he looks at me when we talk

OP posts:
Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:25

I don't want to be the OW, I don't think they're serious, they'd have become public if they were serious surely?

OP posts:
AtrociousCircumstance · 06/10/2015 19:30

If all he is doing is ogling you a bit when you talk, it doesn't mean anything, other than he's a bit of a sleaze! It certainly doesn't mean he's interested.

Enjoy it as a bit of flattery/attention but don't imbue it with any other meaning whatsoever.

Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:32

Ogling I suppose is all he's doing, good word to describe it. Do men so that with a pretty young girlfriend then??

OP posts:
ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 06/10/2015 19:34

I look at people when I talk to them too...

I know a man who looks at me in 'that' way. I catch him looking at me loads too.

EXCEPT

He's gay and definitely not interested.

You'll have to ask him.

It's not something I'd want to be involved with: secret gfs; POF activity behind a gfs back; cock shots and a wandering eye?

Not sure why you're even considering it tbh!!

ThisIsStillFolkGirl · 06/10/2015 19:36

Do men so that with a pretty young girlfriend then??

Men do it. Full Stop.

JeffsanArsehole · 06/10/2015 19:37

Mmmm... how could you pass up this tasty morsel of manhood Hmm

Leave well alone, there's bound to be the occasional normal bloke out there

Cabrinha · 06/10/2015 19:38

If he does have a girlfriend, can we please not label his attention to another woman as "flattering"?
There's nothing flattering about an arsehole eyeing you up!

OP, you sound like you work in an office staffed by 13 year olds! Who is checking his POF activity FFS?! I'd walk right away from any relationship in that workplace environment.

And you don't even say anything positive about him. You don't have to go out with him just because he stares at you Hmm

Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:41

I was shocked at the rumours! He's a nice guy, it was shocking to hear as he's very unassuming, quiet and polite. My friend has convinced me to do nothing as he's doing nothing but look at me and has apparently been with his girlfriend for 2 years and from what we can tell it's not a secret outside of their work, it's quiet just at work. Still if you liked someone that much you'd be out and proud at work too! I need to kill the crush then.

OP posts:
SolidGoldBrass · 06/10/2015 19:42

It sounds to me like he is non-monogamous and perhaps his girlfriend is as well. Given that your workplace is full of (by the sound of it) immature mundanes who do more gossiping than work, he is not unreasonable to keep it to himself.
He may well find you attractive, and he may well be interested in having sex with you, but if he is not monogamous, he will not offer you an exclusive relationship. If you want monogamy and commitment, he is not a suitable partner for you; if you want some fun, he might well be.

AtrociousCircumstance · 06/10/2015 19:44

Yes, they do it when they're taken and have a gorgeous partner sometimes, if they're a bit of a sleaze or a flirt - it means nothing and they are not 'signalling' to you.

He'd probably adore it if you asked him about it. "Still got it!" he'd think. Then have a nice evening with his gf.

ChilledAndPleasant · 06/10/2015 19:47

Yes, kill the crush. Definitely.

I met my OH at work. We didn't mention it at all and kept it quiet there...until we announced our engagement. Different people have different ways of conducting relationships.

The rumours about him having a wandering eye and sending cock shots along with the fairly convincing sounding "rumour" that he has a girlfriend are all good reasons to steer clear.
Or ask, if you are really interested.

Original poster
3sprogsandacator2 · 06/10/2015 19:50

I don't work with them. The rumours are coming from circles that know them. Their work place is meant to be a very professional setting and maybe why they're secret I suppose.

My question now is do rumours usually have truth to them? If he was defintely single in the future am I best to keep away because a lot of people think he's a sleaze??

OP posts:
DarkRosaleen · 06/10/2015 20:00

So all he has done is look at you? And he might have a girlfriend? And a private life?
I think you are making a few too many leaps in your mind here.

Goingtobeawesome · 06/10/2015 20:03

How old are you, OP?

AnyFucker · 06/10/2015 20:04

Are you desperate or something ? Hmm

johnImonlydancing · 06/10/2015 20:04

This kind of rumour does have to start somewhere, i think. Just ask him.