A comment on British men

[zas1]

Not from me but my colleague. She is younger 30ish very pretty intelligent a bit brittle but sound enough. She is from the South of France. She complained vociferously about British men being far too reserved about their attraction to women & says she misses the attention she gets at home. Thought this was interesting as a thought. Presumably she is not talking about what we would call street harassment but something else.

I've heard Americans say this before.

In the states, it is common for a young man to be quite direct, as in 'I think you're really great, do you want to get a coffee?' almost straight away after meeting.

I think the perception of British dating is that it dithers quite a lot more.

If you are used to the direct, up-front route, I can understand how our polite approach may be confusing.

Posting to mark my place - no time to write a proper post now. I live in the Souh of France and men here are very different than the rest of the world (that I've been to).

She probably doesn't miss the harassment though which is worse in France ime.

My husband's French and yes he's more warm-hearted, demonstrative and passionate than some English men, but I find the bumbly, dithery, reserved shyness of English men sweet. Not sexy maybe, but sweet.

Ditto Twinks

I think most bristling men aren't confident their advances will be seen as polite and acceptable interest, rather than being sexist or a predatory. They play it safe because they have to.

Depends on the manner of the advance I suppose. Lots of internationals where I work- will be interested to hear what the other ones think. The male southern Euro colleagues are all very deferential and polite and reserved which may confound some stereotypes.

Well my DP tried to get in my knickers within an hour of meeting me. Is that forward enough?

Someone on another thread this week linked to an article about dating in France vs America.

Saying that when an American woman says "maybe" or "I don't know", she means "no, but I am trying to be polite".

When a French woman says "maybe" or "I don't know" she means "persuade me".

(note: I'd disagree that a straight "no" means anything other than "no", just that the in-between responses tend towards one way more than the other)

I can't comment on whether this is true, but if it is then it could explain how a French woman might think that she's not getting the same level of attention from men in the UK. She acted as if she didn't want to date them, so they've stopped. Because that's what we consider polite.

I am American & I agree it's very true! I used to often wonder how the English manage to breed.

Now I understand that copious amounts of alcohol tend to be involved.

My husband is Turkish and Turkish men are far more forward than British men

"she misses the attention she gets at home"

Well I live in the South of France (surprise) and it is true that men here behave shockingly straight-forward and physical towards women they find attractive. When I first arrived here in my late 20s, I had to constantly push men away (physically) while walking in night clubs because they would be touching me, pulling me down to where they sit as I pass by, or try to corner me against a wall. It was horrid. I don't miss that "attention" I was getting at all.

South of France is like one big playground for single men, where young women come to party and/or in the case of underprivileged Eastern European beauties, to find a wealthy man to live off of. In parts of this region such as Monaco, Cannes, and St Tropez, young women from around the world literally throw themselves on men they barely know, if at all. This creates an environment where men assume that young women in clubs are willing & there for the taking.

It's not specific to the Cote D'Azur, men are like that in Paris.

God knows harassment in the UK is bad enough, but when I went to Paris for the first time when I was 17, I'd never experienced anything like it in London.

That was the late 80s, living in Paris now, it's not changed much.

In fact there was a recent survey of the harassment on the Paris Metro, reported in papers in the UK, which found that 100% of women had been harassed at some point in their lives.

English link

She's not got the hang of the culture is all.

You fancy someone from a distance for a while, then you manage to find a time when you are there and they are there and there are lots of drinks, and then maybe things will get a bit fruity, and then maybe there will be a date afterwards. Or, repeat phase 1 for a while and then eventually there might be a date.

It's just different!

I for one hate "attention" from men, usually. Some can get away with it but most of the time it comes across as creepy or leery or whatever.

I also assume she isn't talking about street harassment!

I totally agree with her. Never dated an English man in my life because they never approach you directly.

I date British men, from other ethnic backgrounds, never English though. Not out of choice, just never happened.

Just read your post Fugghe and reread the OP.

And I just thought, is this where the idea that all British men are closet homosexuals comes from?

And yes I know it's a bit old fashioned and not very PC, but, it's famously been said about British men like forever hasn't it?

Is this down to a misunderstanding about our mating habits?

Not saying you or the OP think that! Just, it's a famous "thing" isn't it, maybe that's why, as when I've heard it, I've thought, huh? The people saying that obviously haven't been down Ritzy's on a Friday night

I've never heard that one before. Are you all closet homosexuals?!

I like English men.

Whenever I go to mainland Europe I find the men a bit ott sexual.

Sorry, gross generalisation I know.

Having lived and worked on and off in Paris for 20 years it is very different.
I found it really off putting - I would think the approach is try it on with enough women and one will respond. I am not beautiful at all but the amount of random men asking me out on the metro and in bars was surprising . Sober no less!!
I found that there was a lot of coup de foudre nonsense spouted-which is basically lust dressed up as a histoire damour.
Very different outlooks!

She's being lazy. Now she lives in a culture where interested men aren't going to bombard her with very obvious attentions for her to permit or not as she desires -- she's in one where, if she encounters a man she finds attractive, she has to put herself out there too. It's two-way.

"I found that there was a lot of coup de foudre nonsense spouted-which is basically lust dressed up as a histoire damour."

Translation?

"coup de foudre" = love at first sight

'histoire d'amour' = love story

I agree with your colleague OP. I live in a Mediterranean country where the men are very forward - if they see a woman they like they go straight in for the kill. Took me a long time to get used to but it does wonders for the ego.

I was back in the UK recently and it seems men are scared to even make eye contact or strike up a conversation; all they seem to manage is a sideways glance.

There's no street harassment here though, if a guy likes you he'll smile, say hello and then sidle up to you and ask you out for a 'coffee'. If you politely reject them they'll sidle off and try it with the next woman that appears I suppose I've become desensitised to the culture here and I feel it's just normal to be chatted up at the gym, coffee shop, supermarket, petrol station, traffic lights etc.

Sootica bloody hell, Turkish men are VERY forward! I've been there three times.....they don't hold back

I very rarely find it good for the ego (maybe unless I fancied them!) I used to find it intimidating.

Ah so it's to do with "romance" being used to disguise / excuse what many (enlgish!) women would just deem to be unwanted attention (or worse).